I NEED OUT... cut cut fucking ccccuuut!!!!

AHHH im going insane.. i cant take my life at all.. :( ive had a depression disorder for 7 years and ive been on anti depressants and that got messed up cuz i wasnt supose to stop taking them and i started up.. took em for awhile.. stopped.. started up stopped started up stopped started up.. and my doctor told me that if i ever stopped stuff can get bad.,,, and yeah i think its kicked in.. ive been alone all my life.,. my mom was never there to talk to me about stuff.. just mother daughter stuff.. and i feel like she doesnt even care.. and my brother.. he abuses me.. just cuz hes mad and its harsh.. some of the stuff he has done to me was held a knife to me.. smashed my head on the cement. and just EVERYTHING>. when i was little he wud chase me around with an AX and .. :( ive been going thru this forever.. and just being alone for that long is harsh cuz it all comes back to me and builds up and school is making it worse.. ive been in and out of school.. and ive been out of school for 6 months cuz of this stupid depression diesease thing i have.. but i was supose to be doing homeschooling but my mom works at home and she yells at me and tells me to get out of her way but she asks for help and its wierd and i dont know what to do...... im back in school now yeah.. it really sucks tho.. and ive lost alot of friends.. and now all i have is my bf.. and i dont know he says it hurts him just knowing that im upset and he knows i cut.. but i told him i stopped and i promiced him BUT IM READY TO DO IT AGAIN.. my mom the other day told me to get out of her house and to never come home..and a few days later my AUNTY suggested to take me to counsiling.. ansd so she did and my mom was like why are u being so cruel and wanting attention and I DONT WANT ATTENTION FRM ANYONE! IM JUST REALLY DEPRESSED AND SUICIDAL AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.. my mom tells me to get a life and it just makes me feel real low.. and some of my friends say im being patheic about death and stuff.. and no ones really there to tallk to me:( i cant stare at this blade much longer now..

ok hey girl try to simmer down for a little while okay? now i'm a cutter to and i'm also trying to stop. But i have my urges to!! i'm another depressed chick to! so don't feel like your the only one. and just rememeber i'm here for you if you need help!! i gtg and i'm really sorry to just leave like this but i got fuckin school to go to!! i hope you the best and if you really need someone to talk to you can talk to me. my name is jenny and you can e-mail me at kidkimchi@neo.rr.com! i'll check my messages as soon as i get home! just in case you wrote and i hope you will.

Wait..didn't you say that your brother smashed your head on cement?? I thought that's what you said...

umm go to post "find the light" and theres a site there..it helps! its a kick ass site..sorry i've been saying that over and over agian! but go! seriously!

Can you say brain defect?