**am i jelous or insecure? please help**

ok hi...well my boyfriend has a friend named kristen who he has known for a year or so. She lives near his aunt who he visits all the time. Well him and kristen are good friends and that doesn't bother me because i have guy friends. But when he talks about her i get really sad and in a way i feel like i am not good enough or something. They used to talk everyday but since he has been going out with me...they have kinda been drifting apart. Plus both of them have become really busy doing things with friends etc. And when i tell him i am jelous of her, i feel really stupid because he tells me i have a lot of guy friends i am close to and he doesn't get jelous of them. but i can't help it. I know he would never leave me or cheat on me but still...and this chick has a boyfriend. Maybe i am just insecure but i can't tell him that talking about her makes me feel like i am not good enough for him. i don't know what to do.

Well, do you trust him? Would you trust him to be alone with this girl for a long while? I think you'll find your answer there.

yes i trust him...i trust him very much! so thats why i am so confuzed

I would say you're insecure. I know how both feel and from what I've gathered, You're insecure. I used to feel that a lot, even with my best friend. I totally trust her and know she is here but sometimes I doubt her and get worried. It's just the torment of being that close to somebody.

well how did u get over it? do u have any advice?

You never really get over it. Now and again it flares up again and I feel the insecurity over and over again. You just have to keep telling yourself everything is ok, and its just your mind playing games with you. I'm not really much help :S

no u are...thanx i'll try that

kk, glad I could be of some assisstance. Let me know if you wanna talk some more :)

kk, glad I could be of some assisstance. Let me know if you wanna talk some more :)

k i will do u have a aol or msn screen name or an e-mail address? lol

wow caitlin...that was exactly my situation with my boyfriend when we first started going out.

it really just took a lot of time and me really, deeply getting to know him for it not to bother me one bit when they talked on the phone all the time or hung out because i came to understand how he thinks, etc...

its not that i didnt trust him, i was insecure and i knew it...i didnt want to be that way but i couldnt help it.

in fact, me and that girl are pretty good friends now, and that has also really helped because i trust her too.

another thing...i've learned that the fact that someone has a boyfriend or girlfriend doesnt really make a difference to me anymore b/c people cheat so often nowadays...like the girl also had a boyfriend but to me that didnt matter b/c i didnt know them or how much they loved/liked eachother, and i was so insecure that i thought that she would have cheated.

think about this: there's a reason, probably a lot of reasons actually, that your boyfriend chose you and not her...there's many reasons he loves you, and once you realize that you can love yourself too...

jelousy comes from insecurity so i wouldnt say u had one or the other, as one stems from the other...

however, evryones right here, ur bf chose YOU! he chose YOU and he wants to be with YOU...if he wanted her then he wud be with her but hes not, hes with YOU.

jelously and insecurity is something that u are goin to have to tackle within urself...u need to think of all the reason y ur bf goes out wth u and think of them everytime it flares up. also getur bf to reassure u more often that hes loves you cos this is guna stop the niggling doubts aswell....
hope this helps, email me if u wana chat, tis on my profile
xxxLoUxxx

im exactly the same hun , ma bf's got alot of girl m8s but ther is one inperticular that i cant stand him talkin about or even seing him with because they generally are too flirty and i get really insecure about myself and compare myself to her

Jealousy IS insecurity as you are not confident with yourself to trust him around other girls. And if you are thinking you are not good enough because of his relationship with Kristen than obviously you do NOT trust him and you are NOT secure with yourself. If you trusted him 100% like you say you would not be thinking any of this. People have friends and if you love him, deal with it. But don't ever say you KNOW he would never cheat on you, you do NOT KNOW that.