Man..Just...Argh

I'm so incredibly stupid! I tell people all the time not to let online relationships rule them. Not to let them Argh you know what? Fuck I can't even rant I'm so mad at myself. I'll be back. Mark my words. Be afraid
~*Freak*~

0___0

???????

Ari's here.

0___0

And she's afraid.

*what's wrong?! i might have a crumb of an idea but still...

Peaces.

okay *breathes* this freekin guy i met, through poems and quotes....it was a while ago when i was cutting so bad..i needed stitches even i was headed down a rough path. but he convinced me *in less than a week* to stop cutting and he would stop drinking blah blah and it worked ish. i started cutting again but i got my control back, my sense of worth. anyway...so i fell in love with him i couldn't help it. he was there for me, he told me the sweetest things, we talked about our feelings we were there for each other and apparently he fell in love with me too. but he was still in love with his ex too. so anyway he writes poems and shit about her all the time, and some for me which are the sweetest, and lately hes written a goodbye to her poem like hes finally letting it go. and so im thinking great now we'll finally have something good going. but its not like that. he lives in california and i live in canada by the way. and just...argh...ill be back...i cant rant anymore im getting all fluistered and shti
~*freak*~

fuck thsi shit this is not me ashley does not break down over a guy she doesnt she is strong no matter what goes wrong and she doesnot break over a fucking aguy this is shit what the fuck *breathes* okay so like he's acting all weird, like he doesn't have any feelings. and today he was like do you miss me and i was like when dont i and he was like i mean the old me so i said i love you no matter who you are if you have changed then i love that you have changed if you stay the same for all eternity then i will love you for all eternity if you are asking whether i prefer your old self or not part of me prefers the one that loves me and the other, bigger part prefers the one that is happiest. and he didnt say anything to it just okay...wtf does that? so i finallly got mad and was like listen i dont usually skirt around my problems and feelings so im just gonna freekin ask you do you or do you not love me. and he said of course i love you baby im just fucked up right now i cant show my feelings i feel lost...o.O so i feel a little better but at the same time i dont...wat if i lose him????

and wtf is with me and "what if i lose him" god argh i should not be like that. i hate people like that, little stupid people depending souly on one person i despise that and here i am being what i despise...argh...okay..okay..im done...o.O....i think...o.O thanks for listening...o.O
~*Freak*~

omg....he just told me he's going to iraq in 6 weeks...shit i can't handle this....
~*Freak*~

dammit you are in LOVE!!!!! I don't like people like that too, which is why i prefer to stay single....but one day a boy came around and changed ALL that shit, and i mean AAAALLL of it. your feelings and emotions toward people are changing and that's ok!

and you're not gonna lose him. you too sound very much in love and he sounds like he really loves you.

hope i help you one of these days. shit.

Peaces and Luffs.

Your latest post: WHAT????? HOLY SHIT IRAQ??

NO NO NO NO NO......

talk. right now talk.

hes gonna die on me...he is...i know it...i always lose the man i love...omg...i cant handle this...i gotta go...bye
~*Freak*~

???

okay hun bye.

Peaces.

o.O nevermind...I'm just writing...and crying...I'm finally crying...its been too long since ive cried...i was talking to him about it, he promised me he wudnt die..he had to go though tis is what he said last "bye baby, I love you so much and I wish I could be there to calm you but I cant so just believe in me and Ill be fine" its nice to know he really loves me...but why does he have to go?? im so scared...
~*Freak*~

=(

it's okay just cry....it's like your heart telling you that you need a break so go ahead and cry gurl....

and you have a right to be scared. who wouldn't be scared?....

shit gurl i am so fuckin sorry. =(

Peaces.

It's okay I guess....If he dies...I'll just have to kill him is all...o.O
~*Freak*~

sad humor...lol.

Peaces N Luffs.

I'm always humorous. I can make a joke when I'm crying. It's weird. My friend can make sarcastic bitchy comments when she's crying or breaking down. We have such talents
~*Freak*~

yes! lol we are all talented in our lowest points...:)

Peaces Hun.

mmm can anyone help me out? Does anyone have someone that is going to Iraq?? I cant shake the feeling that I will lose him
~*Freak*~

Just came back. :(

I have no one in Iraq, i'm sorry hun.

Peaces.

It depends what his job is in Iraq, hun. Don't sweat it!!! I've had like 3 ppl in Iraq, and they all came back alive, or are still alive. Just keep your faith that he'll be alright!! Don't jynx him!!!!! lol! I agree though, you're sooo in love!!!

Hahaha...I guess you'll hate me because I'm so weak that I depend solely on the one I love to help me through, which in the end is admittedly going to bite me in the ass, but I don't feel like I have any other choice!

~Sierra

Ignorant Angel:
Wow...Thank you for telling me that some people have survived. It's obvious that some have but actually hearing it from another puts me at least slightly more at ease. And thank you I guess I am in love *blush* And no, I don't hate you. I would hate it if you did what I did and complained about it. Lol. One thing is for sure I would never come on here saying I lost the one I love and now I'm sad and alone...o.O I just came CLOSE to doing it..o.O Lol. But I feel stupid about saying what I said.

Nighttears:
Thank you for your kind words and best wishes. And I aswell hope everything will be okay ^_^
~*Freak*~

i have a really close friend going there too...hes like 18-19....weve known each other basically all of our lives....ive always had a big crush on him yet we were like best friends too....

and i hadnt seen him in quite a while and then all of a sudden he showed up at my school and i thought it was kinda weird...but he knows some teachers there...and BAM he was like hey give me a hug and told me bye and stuff....i almost cried right then and there....not seeing him in a long time and then him telling me bye like that it was soo hard.....but i know it wasnt a "goodbye" i just look at it as a "ill see you very very soon"....

you just have to keep your head up and always have faith....and dont think of it as a goodbye....just think of it how i did....

everything will be ok and he will come home safe!!

God Bless!!

*c*

Thank you CB. Your words helped.

Well, the guy, Steve told me that if he died he'd haunt me..So I'd always have him lol
~*Freak*~

im glad i helped!!

and lol sad but funny

again Freak...sad humor. :) :(

Peaces Hun.

you know wats sad?? i got chicken hanging out of my mouth...and i hate chicken...lol but i got so hungry i was like shit il eat anything
~*Freak*~

LMAO

shit i'm hungry now....gimme some man....you already stolded my mountain dew :P

haha..wait....how'd we get on the subject of chicken?? lmao!! I'm sooo lost!!!

that comes with talking to a freak, you always get lost...and we got onto the topic of chicken by sheer coincidence..the chicken happended to be hanging out of my mouth at the time i was posting
~*Freak*~

we is both hungries....lol. i got me some chocolate milk so you can KEEP YOUR DAMNED MOUNTAIN DEW!!!!!!!!! lol

Hey, I know this is probably a little old to say now not sure if you're still freaking out...my words are...he'll be just fine! :-) getting like that is normal..im like that with my boyfriend...just don't fret too much he'l be back before you know it x x x

He better...haha
and thanks
~*Freak*~

dude i soooo cant believe i heard you say you dont like chicken....dude thats just like soo unamerican.....oh wait...youre from Canada =P lol (i had to go look and see where you were from first before i posted this for sure lol)

haha just about the time that you had chicken hanging outta your mouth, i just got through eating a chicken sammich....it was yummy

i just got through drinking some more chocolate milk....aaaaaaaaaaaaah it messing up my stomach!!!!!!!

messing up ur stomach??

lmao CB I am proud to say I am unamerican then, lol.
~*Freak*~

yeeeeeeeeeees aaaah it make me cramp with gut-crunching gas owwww....

haha fine then just be unamerican...you unamerican you...lol

and dang thats not good....maybe dont drink it? lol

but it's sooooooooooooooooo goooooood! lol

lol

mmmm chocolate milk...mmmm.....you want more don't you Ari...
hehehe
~*Freak*~

dude fajitas are good =)