what should i do?

im more or less gonna tell you my most recent life story, but hopefully you will read it and tell me what to do.................

2 years ago my mum told me she had cancer and that she was gonna die, by the christmas just gone or april this year at the latest!! i then couldn't cope and i started self harming because i didnt think i could live without her!!
then about 7 months ago my mum told me that she didnt have cancer, she never did and it was all a lie!! that then made me feel even worse because she lied to me and i dint know what to think!!
my mates told me they would alwayz be there for me but then they said they hated me!! i got really down, and my self harming got worse, but i made a new group of friends that understood me and now are trying to help me!! i then got some professional help, but she didnt help that much (but i still go and see her regularly). my mum found out i was self harming and told my doctor he then said to her that this is nothing to worry about and all im doing is attention seeking, i then spoke to my councillor and she said that she thinks i really need to talk to him because she thinks i have depression and i need medication to control it!!
when i did talk to him he said that he thinks i am fine and he isn't gonna give me medication for it because i am making this all up!!
i then spoke to a different doctor and he said that i have got depression but i have to get my own doctor to give me medication...................
but my doctor still won't give me anything!

now i don't know what to do because theres a stupid law apparently saying that i can't change doctors!!!
my mates said that all they can do is be there for me alwayz!! but i still get very depressed, i can't talk to my mum or dad about this because all they do is have ago at me, hit me really hard and then say that if i don't shut up and stop self harming they will throw me out onto the streets!!
please someone tell me something that can help me..........
luv RaNdOmGaL xxx

i dont no what to say sept i think its crazy that ur mom lied to you about her having cancer i mean y would she do that? but i bet uve already questioned that...... all i can say is keep talking to ur therapist...... and if ur wanting to stop self harming then one thing u can try is snaping a rubber band on ur wrist wenever u feel u have to do it make sure its a rubber band not a hair tie...... its a little trick my frend told me about and it really helped me for awhile....... wenever someone comes on here wanting help with cutting i tell them that hoping itll help..... anyway good luk i hope all goes well!!

thanx i'll try that!! i sometimes i ask my mum what was the point in lieing to me, and i tell her that when she lied to me about that it made me really sad but all she keeps saying is "oh i only lied about having cancer, its not that bad, just get over it" but i can't get over because she didnt just tell me she told everyone; her friends, our family, my school, my dads work, the leaders from one of the clubs i go to!! and its like she just didnt care...... about me or any1!!!! just as i try to forget about it someone turns round and says "howz your mum?" and it reminds me all over again!! some people still don't know that she was lieing because i feel ashamed of telling them and i wouldnt even know how to say it if i did!! but anywayz thanx for the advice!!
luv RaNdOmGaL xxx

wow sad!!!

thanx try living it!!!
luv RaNdOmGaL xxx