How do I makethese thoughts stop?

I had been really depressed for a couple months and the last Tuesday and Wednesday night I broke down and cut. It was such a release. I felt bad for doing it, but I loved it. It...well, you probably all know the way cutting makes you feel in contrast to how you would have felt otherwise, so I wont try to explain it. But then Thursday morning came and I had to go to a christian camp for 5 days. So thursday morning I was thinking and I didnt want anyone to find out that I did it because my boyfrien found out that I had been thinking about it and then told my best friend, and I was afraid if they knew I did it they would send me to a counsilor or something dumb like that. So I told myself I just have to hide the marks and not do it until I got back. (Pretty hard to hide beings there are 15-16 deep gashes on my ankle) But then the first night of camp I had this amazing experience (I wont go into it because I know a lot of people on this site dont want me going on a God trip with them) and I was delivered drom all my depression just like that! BAM! And so I told all my friends that they didnt have to worry and I was truthful and told them that I cut and everything and that I wasnt going to do it again. Well, I was telling the truth:

I dont want to cut, but I cant help but think about it. everytime I see a blade or the knife I used the first time I cant help but think of the blood and how it felt. I dont want to even think about it anmore, but I dont know how to stop. I was peeling a cucumber this morning and guess what. The only clean knife was the one I used. I tried to ignore it, so I picked it up and wlaked over to the other counter, but then I just thought of that trickling blood and I started shaking and dropped it. So i just picked it up and put it away.

I want this to stop. I feel like an idiot. I dont want to cut anymore, so why cant I stop thinking about it?

You can't stop thinking about it, because you have it instilled in your mind that it felt so good and that it helped you. But it didn't, It just helped you for that moment. Just keep in mind that you don't need it, and if the depressing feelings come back, which they will, go directly to a friend or even to church to see your pastor/preacher whatever you wanna call him and talk to them.

Thanks. That makes a lot of sense, but I realise that it was wrong and that it didnt help me, but actually just gave me another problem, but I stil cant stop thinking about it. even if a thought starts off perfectly fine and unrelated, my mind will wander back to it. I want to keap it off my mind, but I cant seem to pull it off.

hun i know exactly how you feel its a very strong addiction to overcome. but you have to want to quit before you actually can. I know im in your same spot. You need to call ppl when you have your urges to cut, well i got to go you got me thinkin bout it