Any other theories?

I cant use ice, I cant draw on myself, none of these have ever worked for me and I am determind I will not self-harm tonight. I've made a million promises to doctors and shrinks etc. but I made my first meaningful (and honest) declaration that I did not want to be forever bound by self-harm to a close friend who tried to kill herself just over a month ago. Yeah, I've had a few slip ups and so has she but we were really trying together. Only now I am so tense that I have a blade at my side and tears blurring my vision. I'm shaking so damned hard that typing is bloody impossible and I dont have anything to calm my racing heart. I don't believe in giving up so early on, so I'm asking for a few words of advice to keep my blood on the inside this evening... anyone who wants to bitch. Fine by me but please bear in mind that it may also upset others who read this, not only myself.
xXxForesakenxXx

Yeh, you're probably right, the only difference here is the way in which I deal with things. Only, I dont think Ive found my "gray area" as you so aptly put it.. and if I have, its most definately in my blood... I know where your coming from, really I do but if Im honest I dont believe that hitting something would work for me as the hatred that I feel is directed soley towards myself. But this is me, for any number of reasons - none of which I would like to share on here just now so I think I will leave it with a simple thankyou.
xXxForesakenxXx

LOL... Everybody has their own way...running always works for me. It helps me get all the anger out. The angrier I am the faster I run and in the end I'm all tired out but I feel so much better. You should try it sometime

Thanks for this people, I really appreciate it that you can give me this honest advice. Unfortunately I have not been so strong since then and have turned to my dark little ways to try and free myself from whatever is grasping me. Only, as all of you probably know, the relief is only temporary, and after that comes the anger and solitude which is released when the barriers you believe you are putting up when you self-harm, are torn down around you by the guilt and rage which comes afterwards. But still, although I'm not feeling good about myself right now, I would like to thank everyone who tried to help me prevent this from happening because it really made me think on the night I posted this and I was able to stay strong, and maybe even more important than that - true to myself and others. So, ta very much. Now I must deal with these feckin great gashes so.... twisted as it sounds, any tips on preventing horrendous scarring??? Thanks all,
xXxForesakenxXx