talking about my pathetic life

ok im depressed, like not as bad as i have been but like not exactly happy, i put masks on at school just so i can get through, i became really good friends with someone and then almost a month ago we "broke up" like we stopped talking, and like i really miss her. like i had never had a friendship like that before, like just unconditional love and i really miss it. and i see her in the hall everday and we quickly look away. shes back with her old bf so its like ive been replaced. i hate it. so yeah thats like one problem. so like at school none of my friends from last year are in any of my classes, so like nobody talks to me in most of my classes so that sucks. i hate being at home cuz my familiy just pisses me off. i cant stand them, theyre causing my depression. like since i lost my good friend i havent been able to talk to anyone really. and like nobody really knows alot like she did. but yeah, its kinda like when im at school i wanna go home when im at home i wanna go to school. it seems like itll never end. i dont know what to do. my mental health just keeps getting worse and worse and i dont know what to do, i dont cut, i dont do drugs or drink. i just sit around my house i dont do anything with my life so its like why have it. im too suicidal right now but things change. soooooooo suggestions welcome

wow hun i had no idea...so r u still friends with ur old friends that arent in ur classes?

yeah im still friends with them. its just that im not really like close with them

oh...im sorry about all the pain ur going through, but no matter who u r, u will always have ppl who try to bring u down hun!

thats very true
but its kinda like my friends dont bring me up
because i dont tell them im down
i guess i dont have the courage to tell them

thats kinda like me, i tell very few ppl about my life and how i feel...bcuz im afraid they'll just be nice to me and be my friend so i wont kill myself or they will ignore me and let me fall...

yeah, i just posted a poem kinda about it "My responsibilty" i dont think my friends would could handle that kind of information. like they know im a little messed up but they really have no clue about how bad i am

yea same here my friends kno im in pain but they dont kno how bad...only like three of my friends kno the whole truth...

and guess what...all three of those friends went through similar things...so i dont kno if that was a major jump or anything

ok i commented on that poem u just told me about!!!! i rated it a 5/5!

yeah like ive only told her but ive kinda been strongly hinting towards another one of my friends. like most of my friends only see the tempory high when im at lunch or whatever. but like i just turn on the insanity to hide the depression

i can be a totally happy jumpy excited person one minute, but a total bitch and scaredy cat the next

but sometimes...i just cry my heart out and scream till my voice cracks

ive become like a master of masks, like once i get home after school i take them off and hide from my family. like ive taken to poetry to keep me from falling lower, sometimes it keeps me down, but it never makes me fall farther

ive gotten better...one day i was gonna kill myself i was through will all this pain...but then i met this guy, and he saved me from myself, i told him all about me, and it turns out he kinda went through the same thing...so we've been together for like three months now...he's like my favorite person...my anti-suicide lol

so u never kno...u might just confess ur secrets to the right person one day...and have a person u can vent to whenever...so i guess u should just take it one friend at a time

well yeah i did, i told my good friend. she saved me from myself too. and now ive like lost her. like i dont have like the same connection with her with anyone else. ill give it some time, hopefully itll pan out

yea i hope things get way better for u! im sorry about ur friend tho, but one day ull find a better friend who can help u in ways that she never could!

you have to put your situation into perspective bc there are many people who have it 10 times worse then you....i am not trying to be mean here but gosh....everyone looses friends and everyone has times where people piss them off....i mean seriously.....if that is all that is bothering you, you really need to be faced with what more can happen.....be thankful that this is all you are going through....seriously....

-kayla-

There were 17 "like"'s in that paragraph.

I mean like we were like such good friends and then she like got this new boyfriend and she like never saw me anymore so we like drifted apart and like I reakky miss her! It's like so sad!

i use like alot, im sorry you feel that way. im sorry that you have to make other feel bad to bring yourself up

I don't make others feel bad to bring myself up. I was just stating yourbad use of grammar considering we are on a poems website, which is one of the main focus's in English Literature.

this isnt a poem though, its a statement. bad grammar may be voice, which is part of writing. i dont want to start an argument, but dont you think youd be able to look past bad grammar and the such?

Well yes I can look past grammar and such like, but then it makes me think well is this a typical teenage girl with a pathetic problem, then we get problems!

And on that note im off to bed, it's 1:10am and m really tired. I may come and give you advice tomorrow morning when im in a better mood.

have a good night. (no sense in going to bed mad) its 5.13 here sooooo ill be up for a while longer

hey if they are true friends you could open up to them

theyre my friends, but i dont really feel close to them you know? and i dont know if they could really take it, im working it out now, kinda dropping little hints and stuff. im not sure yet though

if they are true friends they will accept it, they might be a little shocked but lately they will come back to you

hopefully...