My depression, just venting,

I feel so depressed, and I was trying to get away from my past, I thought maybe if I stop cutting it wouldnt hurt so bad, because so many ppl have told me it would do me some good. It hurts me so bad, and I have the urge, and myself harm I dont even realize it sometimes, like the other day, i didnt realize I almost started scratching till my friend held my hands away from each other. I want to so badly. I feel I have no sercurity and no comfort, no escape. I feel so trapped, like im stuck here forever, facing my past. I know running away from it sounds impossible and pretty pathetic but I dont want to face up to it. I never should have told anyone. I feel like such a lozer to the ppl that I did tell. I feel like my b/f isnt looking at me the same. I have slipped up once since I quit, and I felt so free, I didnt have a pound on my shoulders. but now its healed, and once again I feel so trapped. I going insane I have no idea. If i cut again, I might lose my b/f, but not cutting and no SI is driving me insane

Hey hun, okay. If you feel trapped and want to stop SI then just find something to replace it in your life. Its just like people quit smoking chew gum or eat sunflower seeds. Take up a hobby and stop caring about what other people think of you. Just get along. Think of it this way: Nothing matters as long as you stay strong. Live in the moment. Cherish the things that make you smile. Dont let the little stuff get you down. Look at somethig beautiful and complex and just try to comprehend it. You will find yourself in awe. Well thats what i did anyways. It worked for me. Just take up running or dance. Art or hey poetry. You already have that! =) Just find an alternative.

If you need someone to talk to that recently got out of a similar situation, just e-mail me @ lost__in__eternity@hotmail.com. I am always willing to talk if you need me.

Hey, I just been through years of depression... my friends did think of me as not such a good person to look up to, once they found out. My boyfriend did break up with me, my "friends" went behind my back and just started to spread rumors.

As good as it may sound, but, Self mutilation ISN'T helping you, AT ALL. Take from someone who's been there. I been through it all... I've lost my friends, boyfriend, family and even my self dignity. After I realized that my cutting, has done nothing to help me. It only made things worse...

Do what I did, to help with the cutting. Use a rubber band! It may sound stupid, I thought it was just gay! But when I used it... it does help! All you do really is put a rubber bnd around your wrist that you cut on, and whenever you feel the urge to cut... just pull it back and let it slap your skin... I know you're still hurting yourself... but atleast it doesn't mean loosing your life, leaving scars. It does work!

thanks for your comments. its helping a little bit, since i might be losing my b/f so thanks

im going nuts! i feel so alone, my b/f just sent me an email saying that he doesnt know who to pick, me or his ex girlfriend, cuz he loves us both! I hate him for this, I hate myself for letting my heart out again. I hate myself for quiting cutting for him. i hate him, i hate myself!!! I just dont know where to turn!

Your bf isnt worth it if he loves another person at the same time that he loves you. He doesnt deserve you if hes gonna go out with you but still love someone else. And about your cutting, I know exactly how you feel. I stopped cutting about 3 months ago but since then Ive had a few slip ups too. So I guess some people would say I havent really stopped but trust me thats gonna change from now on. Now im trying sooo hard not to do it again because I dont think ill stop if I start again. I dont want you to feel like that too :( Maybe if you talked to someone you're close too or if you cant talk in person to someone, ring a helpline. You need to get help before things get even worse. Hope things get better for you and that you go out with someone who actually cares about you.

Totally agree with Angelina.

I second that ^ (I read these stories/problems and its so unbelievable)

You think Im lying? Anyhow Hes my first love and so hard to give up. anytime i think about breaking up with him, and giving up on it all he comes back into my life, and i fall in love with him all over again. and then I get hurt in the long run, im so lost, and now i wish i never promised id quit

No I don't think your lying and I didn't mean 'unbelievable' in that way.

Hun I didnt mean to blow up but its like wow, everything just hit me with a strong blow. I just dont know what to do. I know I should probably just leave the relationship, but at the same time, I dont want to cuz of our relationship. it seems silly, trust me, Im just confused. I love him, and everything is just hitting me all at one time

i cut too cuz i couldnt handle anything i am getting better but am still very depressed i think about cutting a lot again but i just cant do it i know it would hurt my friends if they found out again well anyways my name is livvie and if any noe wants to e-amil me it is jazzydancer7@earthlink.net
thanx every one and it will all be ok love you all livvie

he isnt worth it then...

i agree with her 2

i dont think your lying...and i know first loves hurt...give it a little time to think it over do something fun like hang out with some friends and try to keep your mind off it for a while

thanks It helps alot, i guess my sister talked to him cuz he called her while I was at work. I hung out with a couple friends today, and I would feel better, if i wasnt stuck in more drama thanks for your comments. It really helped a bunch I will update soon

your welcome....stay strong...

you need to forget about him and not let him bring you down....stay strong...

-kayla-

thanks you guys have helped i talked to him about it, and we got things sorted through