I need major help/advice, please answer me

I wish i could be that strong, i mean i quit cutting but i dont think im all that strong if i still cry at odd moments, like during band. but theres only one guy that i've been able to actually trust him to not hurt me while im near him, Im afraid to tell this new guy that i hang out with what happened, he wants to hook up and so do i, but we want to be comfortable with each other first, i feel like i can trust him, and i admire him so much, but im afraid how to tell him, or his reaction to this, i have tried writing out my story, it just doesnt work, i cant, tell anyone what happened, i've only been able to tell one person what happened, and she sat me alone and talked to me about it, then later i had to tell the police, and then my friends told me if i wouldnt tell my mom they would tell her, they told her since i wouldnt, i feel so bad for turning him in, and he called one of my sisters yesterday and it scared me, i could feel my heart pounding in my chest when my sister said his name, i wish that for once i could trust more then that one guy, it doesnt even count cuz hes locked up right now, i feel so lost, and now this new guy wants to know, because hes totally confused, because how fast i went from laughing to crying. I feel so weak and stupid for crying infront of everyone, i feel like im at my breaking point, and i dont want to cut out of habbit, im so lost and not really sure with what i want to do! or how to get there

hey well no one is ever responding anymore, I told the guy now im just worried about they guy that assualted me again