I love you, Zac.

I don't want you to feel hurt by this, but I can't keep it all in anymore...

I love you and don't you EVER fucking question that. And out of everyone on this earth who has touched me, out of everyone who has breached my barrier unintentionally, I'm glad I invited you in. You see me, sometimes, and you know how crazy, stupid, naive, desperate I am. I know you'll never love me. You'll always love some girl who i've never met, who I know nothing about, and who you're probably just as crazy about as I am for you.

But during all the time we spent together my greatest fear was of losing you. You got so sad sometimes and I just wanted to reach out and touch you. And others, when I felt sad because of how much pain the love had caused me, I just wanted you to cry. I remember you telling me that if I lost my virginity you'd cry. I tried that, but I didn't have the nerve to tell you that I wanted you to cry....I'm still a virgin. I will die that way because you're giong to be the last thing on my mind. The love I felt was a painful one...the pain I felt, I wanted you to feel...I wanted you to care!! I wanted you to think of me, wonder what life would be like without me, doubt yourself if I weren't with you like I do with you.

I always think about how if those times you tried to kill yourself, you'd actually ended up dead....and it overwhelms me. It's emotion surging through my veins and i just want to claw it out! I want it out of me! But nothing I do will get you out, and so i want you to stay. I want you to bleed for me when I die. I want you to still cry when I'm gone and think of me as I was. As the girl you once, even for a moment, thought you loved, I want you to feel the pain that I felt every day in life.

But in this death I will feel it no more. I'm freeing myself from you, and you can now be with the girl you love and I will never be able to do a thing about it because I love you so damn much.

~Sierra

thank you so much!!! *tear* that really means a lot that you took the time to read/comment that..

awwww sierra, huni, thats really touching, and very sad =(
im always here to help u thru anything k? theree aint nothin tht the meatball hoagie team cant get thru!

i love u so much

~Georgi

Thank you so much Geo!!!i love you meatball hoagies so much, so much!!

And red rose--you've been soooo sweet...and you commented on my poem and that really made me feel much better..so thank you guys!!!!!!!!!!

~Sisi

Sierra, I get the feeling that you have a whole lot to offer to the *right* guy. Sorry for the pain you are enduring now but I wish you all the best in finding the path to inner healing and life's fullest enjoyment. You deserve it.

awwww, thank you!!!!!! It really is SOO hard...and that really did make me feel a whole lot better....

Although....eventually..or the next time I try to talk to him, I'm sure I'll just melt all over again, but keep quiet about how the knife is getting deeper and deeper with every word.

wow....sierra, that's really sad.....i'm sorry you had to go through this.....you'll find someone who loves you just as much as you love them someday, don't giveup *GIANT bear hug* i'm always here for you if you need anything....

-brittnay-
*silly bi+ch*
~cloudy sky~
=Armidillo Buttkisser=

Jesus, thank you Brittnay!!!

Bear hugs always cheer me up!!!!!!!

And thanks for reading this thread, both of you.....I know it was long, and I know it was just one person's opinion, but I'm feeling so much pain over this one, stupid, silly little thing matters NOTHING to anyone else, but myself.....it kind of makes me paranoid...

~~Sierra

__Meatball Hoagie#2__

*le sigh*

And he STILL doesn't know what I go through for him....

*double le sigh*

Wow.. what a vow of love. i thought that was powerful even tho I dont know you or zac, that was amazing.

thank you!~ lol~!!

I guess that's what makes me a poet then, eh? haha--but thank you....really...