Still Loving Him

Hey,...i sent this as an email to my friend and his friend through myspace.....I just want him to know if there is ANY chance of him reading this.....

I wish that hurting him would make me happier but it never does....I try to hurt him sometimes, I try to get him to see me, but i can't compete with anyone. It tears me apart and all the words I try to use to get through to him, they're all overated and meaningless to him.

Yeah, I believe at one time I got through to him, but he's changed so much!! He's beyond reach and I wish I had the same allure I had before that first draw us together, but it's gone! We're both different people, but I'm still the same if that makes ANY sense....He used to be depressed to the point were poemsandquotes was his LIFE, and it was mine too because I was dealing with WAAAYY too much shit. And the way he used to talk to me,...i reread it sometimes and BURST into tears and I hyperventilate because I don't want to keep on breathing. I don't want to keep on living if I know I stand no chance with the guy my dreams are made of. He set a whole new meaning to my idol guy. And I know I've always been raised to believe that if you have to feel that there's something that you ahve to change about the person you love, it can't be love, but I LOVE the fact that he is so flawed. I love the fact that he's not God, but he still believes in him. I love the way he used to leave soooooooooo much meaning in everything he said by only using a few words and one exclamation mark. I read his stories and his poems and I feel like I've found a part of me that has been missing for so long and it's RIGHT THERE, but it's so far out of reach.

I'm so helpless and hopeless. I know what is love and I try to ignore it sometimes, and I TRY To tell myself to get over him because he is just one guy out of a world of guys, but then I realize he is my world and there is no other guy like him. Which devastates me even more.

~~edited out~~

Wow, Si Si, I would have never guessed you were the loving type beneath all the jokes. =(

It's so sweet that you still care for him after such a long period of time...

May I guess who it is?

I'll just ask you through MySpace, since he's a member on here. =)

( )_( )
(='.'=)
(")-(") Arrivederci!

i'm going thru the same shit. i hope it gets easier. Did u say he changed? Does he feel differently!

lv A, x

yeah, he has changed, and as for feelings differently, I couldn't say because I never know what he felt in the first place.

LOL!-Atomic--yes..i do have a VERY fragile ego beneath all the jokes I make. I do enjoy being happy and making jokes, but things like this always tear at me eventually and last night, his friend and I were talking about him, about how much we both loved him, and I tried to let her know that I loved him more than anything.

So yeah....

Aww, *hug* He'll realize what he's missing and will come crawling back to you. I assure you! *hides bat behind back*=)

( )_( )
(='.'=)
(")-(") Arrivederci!