should i or shouldnt i

the thing is, i live with my mum, always have, dont know who my dad is but she does, but im not sure if i want to actually find out who he is. she says he's nasty, but i can if i want, i hate having no control over this.

its not like she is the best parent, she always leaves me home alone for weeks when she goes on business, so once when she needed to do a deal in the US

. . . for several months i went into a group home that her business funds or something. but shes never been there for me, when i was little i got no attention or praise, she never came to my school plays or competitions, im always trying to please her. she didnt even noticed my diet (i thought i was doing okay but obviously not, she always looks great so on i go!) she only realised when my ott teacher phoned up last night to talk about me.

i guess i want to know if any of you have tried to find your dads, or whatever, sorry for making it so long and boring probs!! .x.X.x.

heya gabriella!
I have met my Dad, and i had a choice just like you did, well actually, he made the choices more than I did, cause i only saw him when it suited HIM. i was kinda like a thing to him. Not a daughter. But anyway for 5 years i didnt know him, never heard from him or anything, and in some ways i wish i had stayed that way, cause now i am always missing him, and because of it i self harm, which sucks :( So if i hadnt of met him maybe none of it would have happened.

But i also wanna say that he is ur DAD and even tho mine is pretty shit, urs might be different, and hey, u might get on really well.

If you really hate not having a dad around, maybe u should think about it, but if ur ok with just u and ur mum, i think u shd think. v seriously about it. Cause it could affect ur hole life.

I wish u all the best and if u ever need any1...
irresistible_999@hotmail.com

xxx

I didn't read the other replies but do feel the need to give my opinion. Don't ever say your mother is not a good parent because she's goes away on BUSINESS as it is for YOUR well being. She handles business to put clothes on your back, a roof over your head and food in your belly. Think of the reasons she works hard and not the fact that you are home alone.

As for finding your dad. You shouldn't go behind her back as that could cause conflict within your relationship with your mother and why would you want to do that. Talk to you mom about it. Tell her you really want to know him. Afterall it could be one of the best things you ever do. I will say NOT to hold high expectations as you may find it to be disappointing. I knew my father but after 10 years of not speaking to him I ventured to his side of the world at 15 and found it to be more heart ache than anything else. It was so hard to deal with because I dealt with lies and broken promises as soon as I was out of his sight. In your position I would feel a strong need to know where I came from...so I can see why you would want to know. See what your mom thinks of the idea and if she says no then you only got 2 years to wait...lol My sister started searching for her father when she turned 18. They still talk and all is well. Do what you feel is right...

hey thanks guys, but natalie84 cant you see why i think she is a bad parent?
she is a career builder, and that comes before anything, even me. what type of mother leaves a child home alone at 15 without a carer or anything? i have to fend for myself, get to school, feed myself, and i have a job, i dont need it, if she cared, i mean really cared, then she would find jobs that stay close to home, shes got her degree she's clever, it wouldnt be hard, and no matter what anyone says, she will never be a real mum to me.

and despite this, since i was 5 til last year (when i realised it wasnt worth it) all i really wanted was to hear her say i love you.

See Heather I think you misunderstood my entire post. I AGREE she SHOULD know who her father is. However, she is only 15 so if her mother disagrees she has no choice but to deal with it until she is 18. I said if her mother disagrees with it then she shouldn't PUSH the issue that much as it would cause conflict within her realtionship with her mother. Read it a little closer. I agree 100% that they should know they're fathers...my sister met hers when she was 18 and it was a wonderful experience for her.

Your mother works like she does for YOU. Though I can understand parents can get wrapped up in their jobs a little too much some times. When I was 11 and 12 my mother worked 2 jobs. I was ALWAYS home alone...but at 11 I knew why she worked the way she did. She did for us...and I understood that my missing her and being alone was worth it because had she been a loser mom I'd have nothing. You have to realize their reasoning.

well...does your mum have full custody (sp?). if not or if it was never settled then you can meet him. but if she does have full custody then if she says you cant then you cant...thats what the law says this is what i say:

i say screw her, if she wasnt there for you why should you be there for her? i know i must sound like a bi*** but i mean come on. she NEVER said she loved you, and she didnt praise you. thats not a mum, thats a mother with love issues.

i didnt know my dad until last year, and im 14. i live with him now. when my mom said no i just told her "what do you care" when were you ever there for me? and so on and i ended up with my dad. best of luck

email:bree789369@yahoo.com

aim:bree789369

Bree...you just really showed your age.