YES INDEED ANOTHER POST

Yes, I am back again with my love troubles -waves-

Oki well as most of you know there is a boy that I like at my school, and I dont know if he likes me or not,
Whenever were in class and I sit close to where his friend & him are, his friend starts talking to me and he looks like down or is writing or something, he never looks straight at me or anything, well i've never seen him look straight at me, I am confused

What are signs that a boy might like you?

If a boy cant look you straight in the face why is it so, What are some hints boys give out to show they like you...

PLEASE HELP THankzz ;]

What do they say about you? You said his freinds talk about you do you know what they are saying or do you just think they are talking about you? For the most part I think you're paranoid b/c if they don't talk to you directly then they have no business with you.... unless they are just making fun of you. Maybe they know that you have a crush on him or maybe one of them likes you. Do you two actually talk? I'd go up to him and ask why they are always looking at you but never directly at you? Put him on the spot....

Yesterday in class though, he just brought up my msn quote to his friend and then his friend looked at me and said the quote i was like what huh and then i realised it was my quote & i was like how do you know and they ignored me ;(

WEll that's kind of rude..... if they ignore you like that you should do it back to them and let them see what it feels like. It's that or like I said confront him or them outside of class. If they aren't willing to give you the attention you deserve then you should find someone else.

;[ grr THIS SUCKS.

Today he acted like he did on friday a complete jerk, Its as if he's mad at me for something or he just hates me, I dont know what I could've done to him grr, ;[ I feel heartbroken

I would concentrate on the one guy you have the crush on and not be concerned so much with his friend.

Maybe the guy you like is feeling some frustration over not really knowing what is going on while the two of you are engaging in mind games instead of just saying what is really on your minds.

You have a much greater talent for written language than I possessed at you age. Try using some of that talent to verbalize your feelings so he can understand how you feel. That may in turn encourage him to express his feelings. I know that at first it may seem difficult, but if neither of you can make the first attempt at this, then your "potential romance" probably has nowhere to go. You could simply write down what you would like to say, work on it until you are satisfied and then practice how you are going to say it until you reach a minimum level of confidence. Those are the basics. If you want more help or specific suggestions, let me know. And just remember, our lives are defined by the risks we take. So don't be afraid to take a risk or even to fail. Failures are simply learning lessons. The only true failure in life is the failure to try.

Thanks lydia ;] that was great advice, but I'm too scared to write anything down or tell him anything
:( I want to be able to look inside and judge what I think, I should know or sense that he likes me

Shouldnt I? :(

I think that the method you describe only works if you are clairvoyant. ;-)

I think you can judge by results. Wouldn't you say that so far, mind reading or judging body signals have not turned out to be very fruitful for you?

I'm just trying to get you to see that most of your difficulty is arising from and will continue to arise from failure to communicate unless you are willing to overcome it. And you CAN overcome it. I'm sure that by now you must have found ways to gather up enough courage to deal with other difficult things in your life. But you can't overcome any kind of challenge by simply repeating the same methods that have already failed. Thomas Edison, the great inventor, was also known as a man of many failures. But he also learned from knowing what didn't work. If instead he had just continued to repeat the same failed methods while hoping to achieve a different result, we might all be working under candlelight instead of electric lights.

Read my very short story (a true story) about Rosemary and the fear and lack of confidence that she faced over the one thing that was the key to achieving her life's dream. Maybe it will serve as motivation for you. Check your PM email for the URL.

I think she has a good point.

Yet, I also think that if he acts like a jerk towards you that you shouldn't even bother with it. No one deserves to be treated rudely for no given reason. And if it's true what Lydia says that his friends may influence him negatively, then he is a coward to listen to what they say.

You deserve better than to be neglected. Especially since you've somewhat already confronted him/them by trying to talk to them.

Lydia, I have not recieved any PM email, at least dont think I have, I've checked my email & in the junkmail section I could not find it :(

Well, I have him on my msn and today he logged online and my status was appear offline so i had not appeared "online" for about 20 minutes and he was on still so I decided to finally appear "online" and I tried to give him "hints" I suppose by changing my personal message to song lyrics like "Dont make me feel like this cause that's just plain not nice & i let myself fall into a lie & i'll watch you go.."
He remained online for about an hour and 10 minutes :( I know I count the minutes/seconds that he is online, its pathetic but I cant help it. He usually logs online the most for about an hr at the most I think. I dont know I'm so confused:(
Today in class he was asking a question to the whole class and when he was talking i had the courage to actually look at him the whole time he was talking and he looked at me and then looked away fast and like around the room while he was talking, and in the hallways I was talking about this pretty boy in the movie and he was kind of ahead of us & I was saying dont be mean to the pretty boy & stuff and he was like walking with his head down as if he heard what I was saying, I dont know maybe I'm just making it all up in my head because I want it all to be perfect and not a mess that it is. There is a school dance on thursday and I am not going ofcourse but he isnt going either..his friends are I think, but he is not. I want to be able to talk to him and stuff but it is hard. If i have courage to then he doesent do anything. I used to sit beside his friend in math class as in

My friend - Me - His friend- Him
And his friend is just this really weird guy he always does funny weird things, anyways I was like saying something to his friend because he was copying my answers and the guy I like saw i was talking to his friend/ well heard anyways and he was like writing down and look at his book and stuff and then when i was finished he started talking to his friend about something random, but the other time he interupted and started asking his friend something..I did not do anything to that though cause his friend was just like What what :P as in trying to be funny...

:( I am confused, as usual.
That should be my nickname...Confused.

I sent the PM to you a couple minutes after I posted my above message here. I think there is sometimes a delay with PMs from here. Maybe because the server for this site is on the other side of the globe. :)

Anyway I think that the guy you like is also confused. It sounds like he is just as much or more lacking in courage to talk directly to you as you are with him. And most guys have a lot more difficulty expressing their feelings than girls do. That's why I think that if you each wait for the other to break the ice, you'll both be waiting around until all the poets run out of rhyme.

If you don't get the PM in a reasonable time, let me know and I'll re-send it. Best regards.

I will check my email again after I come from school ;]

Today though, in gym class he is on my team..and when he assigned us teams when he found out that he was on my team he didnt seem too happy he was kind of walking slow to sit where our team was & stuff. I'm scared cause' hes on my team :P I dont know I feel like I am going to puke. Ah well I shall go to school now ;] hopefully He will seem "different" cause' hes on my team...I know I will be different, :( I'm scared.

Okay well
I'm off to school now -sigh-
Byee

Lydia there is still no email in my inbox :( I've checked the junkmail section too.

As for the boy I like, well today he was on my volleyball team and when someone from our team would mess up he'd be like great job but to my friend and me he didnt do that. and he didnt say a thing to me ever...And like in math class he looked at me a few times and whenever i'd look at him or back at him he'd like look away, he was entering the classroom and i was looking at him and he looked at me then looked down..

I re-sent it about 30 minutes ago. And to double-check, I sent myself the same PM. I received it in my junk email about 15 minutes ago. If you don't get it maybe you should verify that your correct email address is contained in your profile.

It's hard to guage what's on the mind of the guy you like. Do you ever do any overt flirting with him? Like making direct eye contact and smiling or winking at him? If so, what kind of reaction does it get from him.

I have changed the email adress so if it wouldnt be any trouble to re-send the url thank you ;]

And no I dont flirt with him, I'm really like shy and I'm not a very confident person. But i dont think I'd be able to flirt with him, I try looking him in the eyes but he always looks away.

No Problem. It's sent.

If you can do it, try just giving him a quick wink and a smile before he shifts his eyes away. That's a subtle but positive signal. It carries no risk and no cost. ;-)

Grr still nothing, I give up ;] thanks for trying though

Very strange! Are you receiving other PMs from here. You can test to see if it works OK by sending a PM to yourself.

I sent a PM to myself it didnt work either -shurg-

Suggestions: 1.) Check to see if there is a typo in the email address on your profile. 2.) Did you remember to click the "edit" button when you changed your profile?

0-0
Wow that brought me to tears.

Wow I loved it, Thank you for the url wow it's amazing. 0-0 Thank you

I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

Anything new going on with the guy you like? I have a couple of different ideas you may want to consider.

Nothing New Yet...

:) I'd love to hear your ideas though

So far we talked mainly about communicating feelings because you had said that you liked the guy and wanted to know how he felt about you. But maybe there is a better alternative for starting out. As I understand it, you haven’t yet carried on any real conversation with this guy. If that is correct, then maybe it would be a lot better if I shared some ideas just to break the ice and get some casual conversation started. If that is something you’d like to pursue, I will try to give you some tips from my own personal experience.

I'd love to hear those tips ;]

I'm kind of clueless hehe, thanks for everything ;] what you have to say means a lot

Interestingly, this same topic is going on in forums at two other sites. But there it is the guys who are having same dilemma with shyness and the lack of enough confidence to meet and communicate with girls. One thread is 3 weeks on with 124 messages. So, if it means anything, this is a challenge that most people face. I dealt with it myself. Even some very famous people have had to work hard to build their self confidence, overcome shyness and get past the fear of failure and rejection.

Okay, this may be painfully long but I’m not good at condensing.

I have had 2 serious relationships in my life with a LOT of time in between. But I did meet and date a whole lot of guys though. I just didn’t care to become romantically or permanently involved with any of them until I met Gil, the guy I’m with now. But I did come away with a lot of guy friends, a few enemies (with some guys that’s inevitable) and lots of experience. I used to be shy and hesitant about meeting new people, especially in group settings. Walking into a room full of people that I didn’t know was light years away from my comfort zone. But I knew it was something I needed to overcome. One day I heard Paul Wallach talking on the radio about a book called The Art of Mingling. I went straight out and bought it. After a lot of practice from me, that book and its author, Jeanne Martinet eventually became the saving grace of my social and working life. It’s not the right book for everyone, especially younger people. But the good news is that there are plenty of other books that can help you to overcome shyness, bolster your self confidence and improve your conversational skills.

I found that ordinarily most people are receptive when you just show a desire to be friendly and share some conversation. I try to make a habit of talking to other people whenever the occasion arises. Waiting lines, airports, stadiums, wherever there are people. It gets to be fun and it’s a good conversational practice for getting past shyness. I’ve also met some amazing people this way.

Here is one tactic I used frequently when a guy caught my attention. I would start a conversation with the intention of having it seem interrupted quickly. And, yes, it’s a little bit manipulative but it’s purely innocent. I would ask a guy something like whether he was with the dairy convention or the soybean processors or something that was intended to get a “no” answer first and then lead to further conversation. The guy would always say something like, “No, I’m with the technology group” (or the water environmental group or whatever.) Then I’d say that sounds interesting and ... so on. It’s most effective when you get a guy to talk in some way about himself and his life. We’d talk for a few minutes and pretty soon I’d look at my watch and say “I’m sorry but I really have to leave now.” If it was a guy that I would consider dating, I would give him my card with my cell number and say something like “you seem like such a fascinating person and I’d really like to continue our conversation if you could call me later.” I was frequently rejected by guys who would say they had a girlfriend or were in a committed relationship. I would just say that was wonderful and she must be a very lucky girl and move on. Some guys would try to make a date right away and I would hold off and say lets talk first. Also I would always have some cryptic message on my card, such as “All the universe reflects on us,” that would elicit their questions and more conversation. Always set the stage for more conversation.

If you use this technique, make TWO lists of topics i One for conversation starters and the other for in depth conversation. For starters, talking about Halloween would be a good topic right now. “Are you by any chance planning on going to ______ for Halloween.” Then if he says “no” and goes on to say what he’s planning, you have begun a conversation that you can continue. If he just says “No” you can respond by saying “I bet you have something interesting planned.” You could also ask him if he ever wore a ____ costume. Then you could lead into what would be the most outrageous Halloween costume or the scariest movie for Halloween, etc. But this is just intended to be a teaser because you really want to motivate him to call you or to meet up later or whatever way you think works best so you can continue talking. Personally I prefer the phone. So tell him you need to move along but you really enjoyed talking to him or that he is a really interesting person and you’d like to continue the conversation if he can call you or meet up with you a little later. Then be ready to give him your number which you already have written out or printed up. If you can print up some attractive little cards with some short script or quote that will raise a question, that’s even better. For your list of in-depth topics, choose things in which you probably share a mutual interest.that can go on endlessly like music, songs, bands or movies, TV shows, anything you can banter about and keep his intersest for hours without exhausting the subject. You won't spend that long in one conversation but hopefully you're going to have more than one conversation.

General advice:
Always look for things on which you can compliment guys. But be sincere about it.. They love that, at least most normal guys do, and it penetrates right through that tough image that guys like to project.

Guys can seem like jerks sometimes. You shouldn’t tolerate verbal abuse, but don’t feel put down or quick to take offense by rejection or by something that sounds mean. I once met a guy I thought was really fascinating and then he told me, “I wouldn’t date a Mexican.” I just said, “Oh, why is that?” He said, “I just don’t find you... uhh... them ... uhh.... well, there’s just no chemistry.” I just laughed and said to him, “It’s a big world and some people find fault with Renoir, so I suppose that the perception of beauty is entitled to reside in the eyes and mind of the beholder.” We actually became friends and he later married one of my girlfriends.

DO NOT let a guy lead the conversation to a topic you're not comfortable with. If that starts to happen, just say “that’s a subject I don’t care to discuss. But tell me more about your dog" (or whatever). Just divert the conversation back to your comfort zone. If he persists, he is being disrespectful and is probably someone you shouldn’t continue with.

Anyway, you can ponder this over and there’s more to follow.

Wow, that was excellent hehe thank you for that ;] I really appreciate it.

Heh we've been kind of having a private convo in this forumhehe I just noticed ;]

Your welcome. And I hope it is helpful.

And Yeah, It's become a bit isolated. I hope I didn't drive everyone else away from here. ;-)

I'm sure you didnt ;] thank you once again for those wonderful tips I'll use some of them tomorrow maybe at school ;] I'll see what his attitude is.. Thanks once again

That's wonderful. And your entirely welcome. I've had times when I also needed a guiding hand myself. On my web site, if you saw my poem Advice to a Young Son, you may have noticed that it was dedicated to 3 girls who took me under their wing and coached me during some really bleak times until I could rise and fly on my own. We all have our struggles and our triumphs in life.

Here's wishing you all the very best.

Thank you :)

I'm off to school now, I'll try and incorporate your wonderful suggestions if I get the opportunity

Hey, we haven’t touched base for a while and I’m just wondering if you are still working on these suggestions. Any hopes? I know you were down in the dumps for a while. So that wouldn’t have been a good time to proceed with something that goes outside your comfort zone. I hope things are looking toward the upside now. I have a strong feeling that your window of opportunity is still open. But opportunities don’t last forever. If you can’t take a big step, try to take a small one. Anything to show HIM some positive sign. Nothing worthwhile in life comes easily or effortlessly. Remember Rosemary and how much she dreaded attempting to submit her book for publication? For years her lack of confidence and huge fear of rejection held her back And once she got past that, look what happened. I guess I’m acting like her daughter by encouraging you to take that one dreaded step which is probably the only way you can make something start to happen. I have confidence that you can do it if you try.

Once more, wishing you all the best. ~~Lydia

Hii hehe

Well yesterday wasn't that bad he didnt seem too much of a jerk. I did not talk to him though or anything yet, He like avoids me and my friends. I cant tell if it's just me or just my friend the one that he knows likes him...But it's killing me grr. I like him a LOT now and I like read my horoscope hehe and it said all these things about someone liking me and like giving someone space to let their feelings grow and so I tried to do that I didn't see him on wednesday and then yesterday he kinda seemed different and nicer I suppose, he looked at me a few or more times yesterday and then like at lunch time his friends and him usually go outside right away but he was like inside for 5 min walking around near where I was but I was all freaky and hyper so I went to my other friend away from him hehe anyways he seemed different yesterday...But I was kinda mean though too I just walked past him after school and didnt even look back like I usually do...yeah well I dont have school today and I wont see him till' monday then hopefully that would be enough time and space to let his feelings "grow" hehe anyways I'm so confused :(

Why does he avoid my friends and me could it be that it's cause he's trying to avoid my friend the one that likes him or me or all of us cause' he doesent like us...
LIke he talked to one of my friends in class yesterday, she sat behind him and they talked about the answer or something his friend and him and her so I dont think he's avoiding my other friend cause' shes been in his group a few times before but he never wants to be in my group or my friends group the one that likes him...

:( I'm confusedd

I’m glad you seem to be in much better spirits than a few days ago, even if you remain confused. But I’m trying to get you to cross that bridge from confusion to understanding. :-)

What you are saying indicates to me that this guy is interested in you but is probably just as bashful as you are. So you both are scared to approach each other and so instead you steer clear of one another. I’d be confused too if I was interested in someone else and both of us avoided talking to each other. You might have had a good chance to get some initial conversation started at the time he remained in the classroom but I would say that you need to at least give him some kind of positive signal. Guys try to seem tough but they have delicate feelings also. They fear rejection as much as girls do. They think, “What if I try to talk to her and she’s not interested or she just tells me to get lost.” That would make most guys feel devastated. So at first, most guys usually look for some encouraging sign they can recognize from a girl before approaching her. But if you both withdraw from approaching the other and fail to give any signals this potential romance is never going to get to square one. If I took stock in horoscopes, I would have interpreted that one as meaning not to put pressure on him. But I don’t think communicating or carrying on a conversation is pressure, at least after the opening words.

In case you are interested, I have some written material from a class that deals with boosting self confidence. You’re welcome to it if you like and if not, that’s okay too. ~~Lydia

whoa, lydia!! you have great advice...lol... sorry, interrupting *slaps self in the face*

Thanks, TiNyDaNcEr46. And no need to apologize. It's a public forum and we're all trying to sort out life's problems so we can soar to life's heights.

Tiny you can interupt anytime, ANYBODY can hehe don't think this is private...its a forum gee :P

I'd love to hear your written material Lydia

I can't post it. It's quite long. If your PM is still not working, you can email me at lydia_obregon@hotmail.com and I will reply by sending you the text. Can you open a Wordperfect attachment? If not I will convert it to MS Word if that's what you use. Let me know.

The material was created for use in a class I conducted for troubled and disadvantaged young adults to help them successfully prepare for and find employment. Once I realized that their biggest obstacle was lack of self confidence, then that became the primary focus of the class. It's all about taking control of your own life. For the last two years we were virtually 100% effective in achieving our goals. The class is in suspension now until I regain my health. I hope to resume next year. About 80% of the material can apply to everyone. But some of it, you'll notice, may not be relevant like "why it's important to know what day it is and what time it is." ;-) But you're welcome to it and hopefully you'll find it helpful.