I got a problem

I dunno why, but i have this constant wanting to hurt myself, i really do hate myself.. i pick away at myself always... calling myself ugly, stupid, sick..

Im always feeling like "I just wanna throw up whatever is me"..

And i cut, i want too not eat, i want to throw it all up, i want to punch a wall till my hands bleed, i want to yell, i want to scream at myself, i want to hurt myself, i want others too hate me, i hate me.. I want too be told im going to die because i have a fatal illness.. i want to not be me... I want to just die.. or cut me all up into nothing.. i want too be attacked so i can get all this anger and sadness out.. I want too feel like im loved, i wanna stop crying, i want too stop writing this crap and wasting everybodys god damn time like i always do.

ok don't worry and a question... what do your friends think? perhaps you are having problems with your boyfriend? what is the cause of your feeling?
i think you need to write down in your journal or tell someone special to you how you feel each day. why do you feel that way and perhaps what can you do to improve your depression and everybody goes through this just some get it harsher than others

I dont have anyone to talk too...

I wish i did have someone special, but i dont...

And again i dont wanna burden people with my problems...

thats.. why i should just shut up.

i always what to hurt myself too...but i have stoped latly... only when i feel really sad (or at lest alot more then usual) will i what to go back... if you want to talk fine by me

i cut myself ( i used to actually) right now i jsut sit on the floor staring at a knife.... i put it to my skin but it never goes in i cry i cry alot it helps i also run it helps me run away from my fears it helps me escape them
bball_gurl_19@hotmail.com if you ever need to talk i'd love to .... if you just talk you can always talk to us we are all friendly here im soo happy i found this site
talk to us xoxooxox

Thank you guys.. Sorry about writing that crap, I just have real bad break downs sometimes.. and I’ve tried too stop hurting myself, I tried my best.. It just seems when I cry and, I just slip right back too a few years ago, a few months ago. And I see no point, I in fact want too kill myself again, I thought I had stopped all that.. but that thought still finds its way into my head .. and if I wasn’t such a wimp I would.. but I dunno.. I’ve attempted it plenty of times, but I just cant do it all the way, I always have those damn seconds thoughts.. But.. thing is ive been really happy the last months, I made life work and I made myself smile all the time.

But then.. everything is starting too fall apart again, ive run outta smiles and even tho im kinda ok now ^.^ .. well im fine now.. =D

I just know im gonna have one of my breakdowns again and, im going too get that urge again, too just get a knife and cut myself over and over.. I mean I broke 2 months worth of not cutting about 2 days ago, and I feel… kinda bad about that… but then again it still felt like it helped, it still felt like it made everything go away….

I just gotta be strong hey? But being strong, after so much it seems so so hard.. and I know people have it worse and im selfish too be like this, its just… I dunno.. im so tired of it all.. I wanna just go too sleep and never wake up, or get a gun and shoot myself… but I just gotta be strong hey? Next time I get that urge im just gonna punch a wall or scream into a pillow until it goes away.. u.u

just focus on life a head and also nobody is telling you to be strong they can't nobody has no idea what you feel like maybe this IS beign strong.... just do your best if your best is what you are doing then keep doing what you are doing and focus on the end of this dark tunnel there is always light in the end... i really want you to talk to me perhaps over email if you'd like bball_gurl_19@hotmail.com
if you dont want to then thats totally fine with me