Emotionally chained to a bad relationship.

How is it possible to free oneself from the grips of a relationship that's mostly bad, forever breaking up and looks set to go no-where? Two years I've been in this dilemma!

'Trouble is, even though we don't live together, we live close and in a small town. We split. The next day I see her out and about. She knows most of my friends etc. I can't stop myself from making contact even if she insists it's over. She does most of the controling and breaking up, but in the past we get back together....and then split. In between these splits I'm becomming convinced that there's been other guys. And I boil with jealous rage. I feel that I want to reek somekind of havoc and make the shit hit the fan big time. Trouble is I love her. Hence the problem. When I say reek some kind of havoc, I mean towards the 'supposed' other guy and the shit situation - not towards her.

take a vacation and go somewhere try to move on by doing different things, start a new hobby, get some new friends maybe in the neighbour town???

Funny how I'm half your age but have dealt with the very same situation. I started dating a guy when I was 15...I'll be 21 early next month and we just split up a couple months ago. I have just peeled myself away from him. I loved him so no matter what he did I always came back. No matter what problems were involved. He hurt me over and over again. Finally I went to my friends. I started spending every waking moment with my lovely friends. I was constantly doing something so I got my mind off of him. Though now when I see him I still feel the same...(I love that man more than anything)...I just turn away and act as though I don't care. It kills him...I say pay back (though that is NOT my intention) is a bitch. Now he sees me out and about, dating and what not and HE is the one filled with jealous rage. It's wonderful. LMFAO Anyway I had to turn to friends...really if it wasn't for them I don't know where I'd be. Probably in the same heart breaking relationship.

Hey, people, thanks for your considerate responces to my dilemma. 'stalk her' mmmm, yeah, I have thought of it, ah!

I feel like I need a showdown. I feel like I need to see her out with another guy and he gives me grief and I deck the bastard! This isn't very poetic or literary of me, but boy would it make me feel a whole lot better. I have two choices. I either internalize it all or externalize it all. Sorry if I'm shattering your expectations of a 40 year old, but, hey....

I think you should look back on the relationship you had with this woman as a learning experience and move on. If you do something explosive it is liable to ultimately bring more harm to yourself than anyone else. And sorry, but you're the one who has to take responsibility for what happens in your life. After all, you chose to be with this woman and to stay in the relationship despite her unfaithfulness and whatever else she did to hurt you. You have always had the option of walking away. And if you do break away now, a spate of violence and anger might have consequences that prevent you from enjoying the best revenge of all which is living well and enjoying your life.

Adran and Lidia, Sound advice. Don't know about the film. I'd have to kill myself!

my advice since ive been in this situation before the best thing you can do is tell yourself that youre not going back there no matter what and force yourself to stop liking her or have a friend help you even if you love her it doesn't mean shes good for you

Cheers my dears. All sound advice. I've just had a completely shit weekend due to the fact that I'm struggling like fu** to let go. Hellfire, I can't even write and am finding it hard to work. All this for someone who doesn't give a toss. I must be mad.