Everybody Must Break Down Sometimes....Right?

Hi,

Well lately life has just been really bad for me. My family life is so stressful and messed up I guess you could say. My parents are not making it easy for me. My friends do not know I feel like this, they think I'm fine and I'm ok But truth is No I am not fine. I've never been fine I've just been better at hiding it. Now I dont know anymore. My school life is just a mess, I'm doing horrible in subjects that I know I can be excellent at I've been getting low marks, part of my problems at home are caused because of my report card that I've recieved. Especially in one subject there is a mark that is really low and that did make me upset but the thing that made me even more upset was the fact that my teacher decided to add a comment on my report card telling me to focus in class, that is personally an insult to me because I'm one of the quietest people I know and it hurt. It hurts me that people judge me and decide to hate me, but what hurts me more is when they take their hate out on something that is important to me.

Yesterday was the first time in a LONG time that I broke down and started crying. I was listening to Hold On - Good Charlotte and I just couldnt take it I started crying and just thinking about my life and where I am at right now. Things have been bad before but not this bad. I do not know what the problem is, I cant fix it. It seems like everything is a problem. My life is just going downhill and I am starting to lose fate in god. I used to pray to god everynight but now it seems like my prayers have backfired on me and I am just being punished for sins that I do not even know I commited. I believe that god has a plan for all of us but why must my plan be so bad and painful? is it that hard to just let me be happy for once.

My love life does not exist. The person I really like is just gone. He is there I see him in class everyday but he's not who I thought he was...or who he used to be. It's hard to know that I will never be able to tell him how I feel. I do not have the courage to do that, I do not have the courage or the strength to do many things in life.

I sometimes wonder and think about why am I here? Why do I have the family I have or why am I like this..I will never know the answer to that. I'm starting to question human existance and why we are all here in the first place. I think that I will be much happier, we all will when the world does finally end.

I don't want to say I'm depressed because I do not know but I'm just hurt. Everything is so hard for me, there is nowhere to turn to, nobody to talk to, seems like everyone is just trying to ruin me or bring me down in some way. If they are I'd like to say congratulations on their sucess.

I do not know why I posted this, I guess I just needed to get it out. Sharing this with people who do not know me and whom I've never met before is not how I wanted to let me feelings out but it is the only way. I needed to do something, I was on the edge.

I'm sorry for wasting your time with this, I just needed to release some of the pain in me. This is my life. I feel alone. Am I?

Is this normal, am I supposed to feel hate, am I suposed to feel like throwing up everyday. Am I supposed to watch my life go downhill like that...?

Thank you guys so much for that, you've really helped me ;] Thank you for making me realise that this will soon pass & it'll only make me stronger.

I really apprectiate your support thank you once again

yep i think everyone does.i for one have.mental health is an issue that people needs to be more aware about.sometimes folks "just cant pull them selfs together"good luck

wish i could help, but i find myself in the same boat

I don't care how old you are, it's normal. Everyone from a day old to a hundred twenty-seven cries, so it's normal. Just don't worry too much. I learned that if you love yourself and don't hurt yourself, you've made a new friend. You've just met the person who's experienced every second with you. Yourself. And who can know you better than yourself? You are the key to stopping the tears. Just find a way to let go of all that pain... sing, dance, write poetry, hug a pillow, it doesn't matter. And yes, listening to music helps a lot, even if you are crying through it...

Good luck...

P.S.

Don't you dare think of cutting or I'll travel all the way to God knows where and grab that blade outta your hands!

Thank you so much for all of your help, I've been listening to music and even though it hurt a lot more to hear those lyrics that I could relate to it kind of helped me realise where I'm at and what I need to do to improve and change my life.

I've began improving my marks at school and paying more atention and I've kind of fixed my life at home with my family. My so called "love life" is a mess and that is something I must sort out but I think with time I can do that too.

Thank you for all your encouragement I appreciate your support ;]