Dilema

I have a really big problem and I want your guys' opinions.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 6 months, and I was really happy with him until about a month and a half ago when I found out that he had been having cyber sex with another girl online. We almost broke up, but I didnt leave him because I had been so happy with him and I wanted it to continue.

The problem is that ever since then I HAVENT been happy. The trust was shattered, and I've been taking out my resentment and anger out on him by being cold and bitchy. He thought that the whole issue was over, so he has had no idea why I've been acting the way that I have.

He continues to talk to other girls in ways that I would prefer he not, which grinds on me hugely.

Here's the kicker: we're planning on moving in together next week. We're planning on signing a 6 month lease together.

The only reason that he is staying in this city, Portland, is because of ME. Supposedly he truly loves me and wants to be with me enough to stay here, and he hates it here. He wants to move back to Seattle or BC where his friends are.

If we dont move in together he will move back to Seattle, so basically, my choice is to commit to 6 months with him when I truly dont think the relationship has any chance and I'm getting increasingly annoyed with his behaviors, or to break up and never see him again.

I talked to him the night before yesterday for a few hours about this and told him that he basically threw away all the potential of the relationship by messing around, and we both acknowledged that there was no way to fix it, however, we decided to still stay together.

I feel guilty about keeping him here, however, because I'm only with him out of convenience. Emotionally, I'm hugely checked out of the relationship because I felt so hurt and betrayed, but I dont want to be alone or to build another relationship with another person right now. He is my best friend, companion, and lover, and I feel like I'm only wasting his time and that I'll hurt him in the end by leaving him for someone else (I also feel like the jerk deserves it, in a way).

Should I stick in the relationship and sign this lease, or cut him loose and deal with being alone again.

Commited relationships are hella convenient.

I think you'd be worse than him if you decided to stay with him even though you know there is possibility of you hurting him. Two wrongs don't make a right. He may not even think what he does or did on the internet is wrong so how can he be 'punished' for it? I think you should just break it off. There's no sense in going on with it if YOU are not happy.

Two wrongs are just the beginning.

;).

Anyway, he knows what he does bothers me. He just assures me that he's not doing anything wrong and it's all innocent, but the problem is that I dont trust him anymore, and that I'm a naturally jealous, posessive, and investigative person, so it leads me to check his e-mail accounts and text messages. Not to mention act out by flirting with other people. I just have a hard time NOT wanting to get back at him and hurt him, and on the flip side, I care about him a lot and enjoy his company and WANT to be with him, because part of me IS happy.

But he KNOWS all of this.

Because you are a smart cookie kaitlin, i'm not gonna give you any advice, it would only be cliche. You know what you need to do...by the time you posted this message you knew already....you're just looking for someone to back up what you've clearly decided in your head...whether you act upon it is another thing.

Come to Scotland, it's cold right now but very beautiful as everything turns copper and gold, i'll be your dog of late night chats and spiritual connections...lots of them, especially in the morning you know.

Like Kevin has stated, you only want us to back you up with the discussion your subconscious has made without your knowledge.

If you know since there is no hope with your relationship with the guy, then why put your life -and- his on hold?

Sure he'll be hurt and of course you will too, but it's better to get it over and done with.

Or just visit Scotland. *wink*

( )_( )
(='.'=)
(")-(") Arrivederci!

I just wish that it wasnt such an all or nothing scenario. Either we're commited for 6 months or he's moving away.

It's hard, and I'm disappointed in myself for leaning towards the selfish decision of signing this lease and moving in with him. I can already predict what a disaster this will be, but I can't bring myself to just cut it loose.

I honestly dont think I'll be able to leave him unless I already had a backup boyfriend, which is shitty, but he messed around first. Grrr.

I know it's not right, but I'm not capable of more. Not today.

I should just move to Scottland. Kevin would never hurt me :).

And I totally spelled dilemma wrong in the thread title.

My brain is fried.

I don't wish to give you any advice either.I published a book, but that did not make me good at spelling. I got married but it did not make me good at relationships. I have always been impressed with yor intelligence. You once repeated a usefull acronym of denial
Don't
Even
Notice
I
Am
Lying

In my opinion when either person of a 'relationship'uses a term like 'cheating' they are implying an all or nothing commited relationship