Cant think of a title

Im confused. And i need help, advice, anything.

My life has just become one huge lie and its horrible! When i was like.....12....i didnt and wouldnt have ever dreamed of cutting myself, until things went horribly wrong, and i had read something about it, and i tried it, and i hated it. it was unbearable and i cried for about 6 days afterwards. But i became addicted and no matter how hard i try i cant stop, and i hate myself because of it.
But my mum walked in on me changing the other day, and saw scars all over my legs, and the look on her face, it was like everything she had come to love, everything she cared about, everything she has ever lived for, came crashing down, and she looked at me with complete disbelief and she looked so damn hurt. It almost killed me :(

I know i have to stop but i dont know how im ADDICTED to blood. its getting out of control, everytime i do it its that little bit deeper and im so close to the edge and petrified any minute i will fall :( Im scared of living incase i hurt people, and im scared of losing everyone i care about. Things are getting way out of proportion and im in way over my head. I wnt to close my eyes and never open them again, but i want it to be painless for everyone i love.

im so upset all the time and i cant talk about it to anyone anymore because i dont want to get them upset :( i want to be happy and im TRYING, but i cant do it on my own :(:(:(:( i need protection, i want someone to care for me.

pls give me some advice, anyone :(

okay kiddo, you need to take some deep breaths, you can email me when ever, i started cutting around the same time, and the bad thing is my mom heard from my sister that she neeed to have talk with me, my mom didnt see scars she had seen the cuts all over my arms, and old scars, these werent cuts going one direction, they were everywhere, there was no place that you couldnt see an inch of uncut skin until half way up my arm, I had saw my mom cry for the first time, she called the doctor and almost had me locked up, my whole family knew about it, and my brother is close to me at points, and he was like how can you cut yourself? he ask many things to me, but that almost made me cry, I had to quit cutting, ive messed up sometimes, like carving, and scratching, but it6s become alot better, eventually if you want to quit you will find away,
take care
laura
sk8boardchick1988@msn.com
preciousteddy07@yahoo.com
email me soon, dont worry about time im always here

Hey,
I know it's hard but you gotta look at it as a good thing that your mum knows now. Try to talk to her, if she looked hurt it is because she cares, and I'm sure she will try to help you. If you feel like you can't talk to her then you can try to get confidential therapy. I realise that it's probably the scariest word in the world right now, it took me years to work up the courage to try it, but trust me it helps. A lot. In my opinion it's best to tell someone who can help.
I know it's an addicion, and it will be hard to stop, but I believe that you can, and you have to believe in yourself too. But just by posting this you have admitted you have a problem, so I know that you are strong enough to do it.
I'm here if you need to talk about it. OK?
Be Strong
*VioletRaven*

Georgi--

1. I’m sure your mum still loves you and cares about you. Buy the book, ‘A Bright Red Scream’ by Marilee Strong and then give it to your mum to read. You should read it too. It will give your mum an understanding of cutting in a non-judgmental way that you could not explain.

2. You are NOT addicted to blood.

The addictive effect from cutting comes from the physiological dynamics of body chemistry. When nerve receptors sense pain or injury, the body responds immediately by releasing a stram of endorphins, which are opium-like hormonal chemicals produced by your own body. The endorphins act as the body’s own natural defense to offset the feelings of pain, anguish, anxiety and depression that normally follow any sudden bodily injury. They can also produce a rush of euphoria or excitement. That is why cutting seems to neutralize emotional distress, at least temporarily. But it isn’t the cutting itself that does this. It is the chemical interplay that takes place immediately upon a cutting episode. And this is also the reason why cutting becomes repetitive and highly addictive. This chemical inter-reaction can produce a strong addiction to the 'drugs' manufactured by one's own body.

Some doctors are using drugs like Naltrexone effectively in the treatment of recovering cutters. What these drugs do is to block the endorphins from reaching nerve receptors. When the endorphins no longer produce their normal effect, the urge to cut is usually diminished or eliminated.

If you do really WANT to quit you can. But in order to do so you need to come to terms with the things that are triggering your cutting episodes. And you need to learn and accept healthier coping methods that can function as a substitute for cutting.

You can feel free to PM me and if I can offer any help, I will do so. ~~Lydia

Wow I can really relate. When my mom saw my cuts she started smoking again. I think the only way you can stop cutting is if you really and truly want to. If you don't have a reason or motivation you are just going to do it again. So just think how much better off you were when you wern't cutting. It's really hard even with motivation, but don't get discoredged if you do cut again while you're trying to stop, because you're still doing better than you were before. I also found it helpful to track your progress like I wrote marks on my calendar for every cut I made, that way I had proof that I was getting better. Also try identifying what made you cut in the first place. Good luck with this and If you need more help or someone to talk to my e-mail is veggiegrl62@hotmail.com

both of u could try a counselor, because chances r your mom might just give up, but you can find a way to stop, I know you can. put on some scar cream, put away the blades, and well...do whatever feels better: beat it mentally or do markers. those are the best solutions. listen to music, exercise, anything to take away the pain. if your mom loves you then you're loved and dont deserve to hurt yourself.

wow thanku evryone for helping out, i am gonna try everything u all suggested. i hope u dont mind if i emal u guys sumtimes...
thanku so much

"I hope you don't mind if I email you guys sometimes..."

Anytime, even if you just need a word of encouragement. I really wish you the best of success with this. I know it is not easy. But stay strong and resolute in your intent and your purpose. God bless.

~~Lydia

thanku lydia :):)

i dont mind at all maybe you can help me quit cutting too, ps i found out i made it 4 monthes without cutting

"I made it 4 monthes without cutting"

Congrats! That is excellent.

thts rly good. well done :)

i dont mind helping you guys eirther

*smiles*

Omg I cannot deal with this shit anymore. I am driving myself and everyone around me insane with all the shit that’s going on!!! Its so crazy and I don’t know what to do! My best friend is getting pissed off with me, and I know that soon she will realize what a shit person I am and that’s it, the friensdship will be lost again, so I cant bring myself to fight for it because I know that it means nothing to her. I am fed up with my mates thinking they can treat me like a best friend one day and then like total shit the next, it just doesnt work like that and im fed up with it. I need some space, to breathe, to be…….not involved with all the shit tht everyone puts me thru! Im sick of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
II love her to bits, shes like the sister I never had, but its like she thinks that I am just a “part time best mate” and it really hurts sumtimes cause I think she means more to me than I do to her! I hate living like this and I hate being around her when she doesn’t treat me like a proper friend. I know all of u will read this, well most of u, and think “I told her so” but please don’t say that alright? Im not saying she has hurt me, and im not saying she is a bad person, im saying…………….i don’t know what im saying., im saying im fed up.

I know it feels like everything sucks at the moment, but things will get better I promise. This same thing happend to me a while ago, one of my friends started acting fake, just to get guys attention, and everyone but her saw that everyone hated her. So eventually she had a party and none of her "new" friends showed up, but I did. First it was nice to see her in such a pathetic state, but then I felt really bad for her. Basically it sounds like you need some space, let her do her own thing and you do yours, then when you're ready when you start hanging out with her again, you'll be even closer. again contact me anytime if you need to talk.

hey georgi, you know you can talk to me, i promised you a while back id always be here, you have my number, my email, just call me anytime, email me anytime, i am always here, you know that mate, xxx
love u
Tara xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

thanks

im still feeling...............horrible. but hopefully things will get better? *sigh* :(:(:(:(

tara, if u r online at netime.....let me no :)

Hey gurlie calm down, okay, first off trying to cut is the hardest thing to do, and yeah, it seems like things just get worse when you quit, because you dont have that comfort to run to anymore, i know how it feels, just keep in there

Sometimes I wish I knew what to say. You have depression. Not everything is as bad as it probably feels. You're not technically going through a lot, but i can imagine that it's hurting. I'm not saying that I know what it feels like..i'm just saying...being through what i'm going through right now...i realize that not everything is as bad as it typically feels when you're going through it....friends will come and go all your life. In my case, family is sort of being hopeless..and friends are few and far between. I can see no love in my future, but I guess that's the whole spur of the moment kind of thing....

You have so much going for you. Don't give it all up because you're having a hard time. Have you ever thought of getting some depression medication? Love you.