i'm lost...

You write well and I didn't think it was rambling at all. But there is something missing. Is all your experience with her limited to being online together?

An age difference of 3 years would be much less significant now than it was when you 2 first met.

I'm 42 but I've had some experience with online dating up until last year when I met my bf which was a face-to-face encounter. But my thinking was that if I was interested in a guy, I wanted to meet him ASAP. So, after a couple of emails and a couple phone conversations, if we couldn't arrange to get together and meet in person, I quickly lost interest. There are just too many unknown variables with online personalities and I was never interested in figuring them all out. I just want something I know is real. That means a person I can hear, touch, smell and see.

I think that after this long, if either of you, or both, are unable or unwilling to take the relationship to the next level, it can't survive. After all, if 2 people do actually love each other, why would they not want personal contact? Maybe there's something she's hiding or afraid of revealing. But that's just speculation with no basis in fact. However, I'm sure you've heard that actions speak louder than words. And if saying she loves you is inconsistent with her actions, that's just not a promising sign and I wouldn't count on a future with her. Sorry, I know that's not what you'd like to hear but that's what I'm seeing here.

Online relationships are hard enough as it is, it's even harder when one person isn't as committed as the other. Unfortunately it doesn't seem like she is very committed. However, if you two lasted for four years and never met once, I would say that's an accomplishment all in itself.
Anyways Lydia pretty much got all the good advice I can think of covered, but best of luck in the future.