theres always hope

this is a story that i thought might give some ppl some hope:

‘Stiffly Maggie, stiffly you must sit. Maybe they won’t see you, maybe you’ll just disappear.’ Like bees they are, those people walking all around me, blind they are and I am just the flower trying oh so hard not to sway in this mighty wind but its pushing me, its shoving me and forcing me to fall.
Sitting on this couch, among a million other couches, trying to look as if I have no worries at all, I hear you Kelly. My best and only friend from swim, speaking to me in her comforting voice, calming repeating “Please, Please”, just like I could hear her last night, even though we were just over IM. She kept repeating the same words over and over again but all I could do was stare at the computer screen that would blink ever once in awhile. For I am just a dirty rock on duplicable soil sinking deeper and deeper into it until I come to notice that it is quick sand and I have sunk. Now in the study, my feet seem to catch my eye as I watch them crawl across the carpet but these feet aren’t my feet because my feet wouldn’t be doing what they were about to do.
“Mom” I whispered quietly as I sat on the sofa beside her still staring at my feet but I could feel the tension in the room I could here mothers cries. Glaring at them listlessly slide there way upstairs’ I soon found myself packing in my bedroom little did I know that the clothes I was throwing on the floor would be my home for the next 15 days. The strange thing was, on the way over to this donjon I was singing HEY JUDE, all cheeky and gay because I was trying my make my mom grin, trying to make that serious look vanish her face that shouldn’t look so depressed. I just wanted a genuine smile to appear upon my poor mothers face. I can’t explain it but she just looked so sad. Her face was sullen and long and looked like she was skinnier than I’d ever seen her. Shea had already gone through this and now me? ‘Mom I can’t tell you how sorry I am but mom I truly am sorry” But now I just sit stubbornly stiffly and still. I must keep this sternness that I’ve held so perfectly. So reluctantly I let myself cry at night I have let myself cry at night but that will not continue. I will not let them see me weep. I am the strong one…I was in a hospital last February call CCIS. I was a crisis unit for children ( child crisis intervention system) I don’t fee like getting into details but yes it was the worst year of my life and I hope always will be.
I have memories of hat place that I will always have. Frankly, I’ve thought about that place everyday since. At the time being there I made a lot of friends and inside the hospital wasn’t so bad, but that was at the time. I remember my friend used to laugh at me because I sat like a frog. And I remember me and this guy going out. He was so sweet and was the first boy to ever tell me I was beautiful. But I also remember my roommate snorting her meds and showers hurting like hell. I remember couches smelling of puke and not seeing my family or friends except at visiting for half a month. And at that time only one friend came. She was pretty much the only one I truly had at the time. And then I remember things that I just couldn’t tell anyone that are my own my secrets. But this one night my roommate was in our room, this tiny little room with 2 beds a table and a bathroom, and she was pacing back and forth, all angry and I didn’t know what to do. The night before she flipped the table. So I knew from talking to her and that that she wasn’t feeling well. Kelly, that was her name, she went into the bathroom with her shoelaces and I knew what she was about to do so I banged on the door and frantically started telling her how much I loved her and how much everyone loved her.
I guess I kind of saved her life that night and by going there I guess I kind of save mine too. There’s no way I can put my life into words. I guess it’s too complicated and so far no one has understood this except for one of my friends and I trust her with all my heart. But this experience has made me stronger than you can ever imagine, It made me realize who I love and who I hate, who I’d die for and who I’d fight. We’re all part of god’s plan, who for a long time I really didn’t believe in, I actually hated. We’re all going to die some day but it’s not up to us and there’s no point on rushing that. We’re all a shadow on the sun.

idk i thought that that might show people that theres always hope...that was a story i wrote for school about how my life has changed since last year.... i think it shows that u can b so low but theres hope in the future theres always hope never forget that this is proof if u read some of my old poems they were so low all of my features poems are mostly from last year and i really recommend reading the differences to show that u can change everything will b ok.

i didnt wanna get on here to ahve a bunch of ppl tell me good for u i want to get on ehre to give u hope to tell u its gonna b ok...bc i promise u it will bc this is proof

we are proof my family and i truly believe that if my family can make it so can u i promise u can so dont give up hope i promise u everything is gonna b ok i dont no how to say it to make u believe it but i promise u i was so low so low and now im just not u dont have to go through what ur going through if ur family is hurting u if they beat u u dont deserve them tell someone and i no it might b hard but leave ur family or kick someone out of ur family u dont need that person there a bastard there horrible!! and i hate them....u dont deserve them....if someone ur in an abusive relationship plz plz just think about wut ur doing to urself u may think u love them or wut there doing isnt wrong but it is it is wrong and u could have so much better think about what u could have think about what u do deserve..... if u cut urself thnk about ur reasons and ok if u have damn good reasons think about what ur doing i no i thought it was beautiful i did i loved my scars and my cuts but i promise u u wont love them in the future and u might not want to believe this guys but u have a future its there....ur future is rite infront of ur eyes just open them and reach im not saying u have to believe in god or u have to pray or u hav eto stop wearing black or the guys hav eto shave there heads im just saying do what makes u happy if u see something thats cool touch it if u notice a sport or dance or anything thats cool play it if u notive anything that u love do it! bc the only thing that u can b sure of is whats happening right now so u wanna make it as best as u can dont u?? and if someting horrible is happening at this very moment dont stand back and let it happen stand up and fight do what u believe bc i no u all believe in whats right and u all deserve better than what ur getting so stand up for urselves dont let hell take over u cuz ur all strong ur all powerful u are all a shadow on the sun......

i guess this is to long or something so nobody read it or it just gave no one any hope

just no that if u dont read that that i believe in u and that u have strength and always no that theres a future and always have hope and always remember that the thing that u can b sure of is the present so make it the best it can be :)

thats the sum up of that ^^^

Well I personally found that really inspiring and I would like to thank you for being considerate enough to share it with us. It means a lot when you would go out of your way to put all that up here just to try and make people feel better. I admire you for that.
Again Thank You, and Best Wishes,
*VioletRaven*

"i guess this is to long or something so nobody read it or it just gave no one any hope"

I have no problem at all reading something this long. However...

I don't mean to sound arrogant or offensive but, seriously, I do have a problem reading something this long when it is mostly written in netspeak or txt. After 2 or 3 lines, it begins taking its toll on me. Sorry.

well thanku for reading it u to i hope it helped some how and i hope other ppl have read it to and jsut havnt posted

sorry its in txt i guess im jsut used to writing like that i dont mean to it just comes out that way

goodluk to all

maggie