Just venting, I'm sorry...

K, I'm the kind of person who holds it all in and doesn't say a word to anyone, but I figure if I am gonna explode it's best to release the negative energy some place where it could inspire people and all of those people be strangers... I don't know why, but when someone doesn't know you and you don't know them it's easier to spill out guts.... Anyway, I'm gonna keep this short because I don't want to say much... I'm deeply in love with someone halfway across the world and he's deeply in love with me. He won't admit it completely because he's afraid to love me and not have me. I mean there's no point being together if we can't.. be together.. right? uggh, he made me believe that he was strong enough to do this, we started having a relationship, he's cheated on me once, told me and i took him back... He got down and ihelped him back up! i've been there forhim through thick and thin and he's got the nerve to tell me that he doesn't love me and can't do it?! Who does that?... I hate him i hate him i hate him... But i don't i love him, so f*c**g much. I hate that i don' thate him by now. I dont need this! not now not ever. I don't deserve any of his crap. I need to break up with him.... But I'm so afraid to lose the only thing i'll ever love...

steph, you are TOO GOOD for him! He doesn't deserve someone like you. I know it hurts, giving your heart so completely to someone and not having them do the same for you but you deserve better. If it's truly meant to be, you'll end up together. Trying desperately to force this will end up hurting you and affect your future reletionships. Just be kind to yourself and to your heart because, as painful as this is, it'll get worse over time, if he keeps saying he doesn't love you and cheating on you.

that's really sweet of you , thanks for replying to this. But in all honesty, he's a really sweet nice caring guy, infact he's the other half of my soul - we are the same people when it comes down to it. The only thing different, is he's weak and emotionally vulnerable. I'm usually really strong, and can deal with anything, and i dont understand how he's done it, but this love i have for him is making me weaker than I thought I'd ever be. And everytime I try to imagine my life without him, I stay this weak anyway, if not grow weaker> i never see myself with another person or loving anyone else as much as I love him. I know that if I were to try a different relationship and try to move on, that I will only forever be thinking about him - and that's not fair to anyone in that relationship with me. I just can't do it, I can't lose him. Why doesn't he face his fear and take a good long deep look at love? Why is he so afraid of it? ... ick, im venting again, my bad... Umm, yeah, the point to this was you said to move on so i could stop hurting myself.. but he's all i've ever had the need tohold on this tightly for, and I don't feel like letting go is an option....

i know how you feel, my boyfriend is trying to do that to me too... but... i am weak, and he is strong, well.. normally.. love can help us become weak or strong, its not our choice, but you'll grow stronger. you may not see yourself with another person, but eventually someday you'l move on, the only thing is, he will probably be the one you love most for the rest of your life. it might not be fair to do that, but people sometimes need that; i agree with you, but i also believe that you can marry someone you love, but still have him in your heart... just that, the one you marry, is another kind of love... not the love we tend to have for who we want to be 'the one'...

the difference is, i get to see him sometimes, but we aren't allowed to talk to eachother in rl or anything... just look at eachother, helplessly... he told me he didn't love me before also but he wanted me to move on... but i proved that it wouldn't work, i'll always love him with all my heart, he's my first love, and the one i'll love most for the rest of my life... we're going through tough times again and yes, an online relationship is very hard to keep, so much trust involved... and you cant look into the others person's eyes to see if they are really lying or just trying to make you feel better.

i guess im not really helping, but its something you can relate to... and i definately know what you mean... if you ever wanna talk or anything you can email me, ok?

-kelsie

aww *hugs* to you! Long distance relationships are hard...very hard...especially in different countries! I'm not gonna tell you to end it, i'm not going to tell you not to end it, because its your desicion. All i know is long distant relationships are easier said than done, and loads of trust has to be put in to the other person, but if you two are meant to be together, then you will be. xx

Well, thanks very much for your support. I really appreciate it. I still don't know where I stand on this situation, but I'm so glad to have people to talk to. I usually keep to myself, I just find myself getting weaker, and knowing that I don't have to keep to myself anymore is great. Thanks very much to everyone!

maybe... something will work out? my boyfriend broke up with me last night while he was at his friends house... (good thing his besf riends were there)... but he told them to leave him alone and he talked to me for a little bit... to break up.. i tried to convince him not to... but he still did... then it went silent.. he started cutting himself... and fainted...

hw woke up after and his best friend punched him and kept yelling at him, while i was talking to his best friends girlfriend... but anyways.. he hasn't said anything about it.. they found that he bought sleeping pills too the night of my winter concert?? anyways.. i guess you should be greatful ur (Ex?) bf is stilll alive and well... mine wasn't well to begin with, and now he's hurting himselfl too...

awww, I'm sorry. I hope he's alright... I don't really know what to say, i mean my bf (not ex ...yet..) has a depression problem but i helped him with his - as far as I know- so I know whatyour going through, and I know that's hard. I'm really sorry! *hugs* I'm here if you need to talk to me, or msn or anything. Lots of luck to you with everything. Stay optomistic. *hugs some more*

oh hunni you sound exactly like me...except the guy i love lives here. Hes hurt me so many times and i forgive him everytime and i take him back. But you need to decide if you love him and if its worth it. Eventually the guy i love told me he loves me too but i dont know if it'll work out the same for you i dont know what else to say except good luck and im here if you need to talk < 3

-Steph