i need some advice...

i know, that's what everybody says, but that might turn out to be hard in certain situations... especially when certain neighbors think he's a good man. they don't know my real dad obviosly! god, he has touched me before... nothing serious though. just reached out a poked me a couple times when i'd go by him... drunk every time. whatever, i'd just brush it off. is that wrong, i mean, it made me uncomfortable, but it's not like he raped me or anything.

Keep you head held high,
Its all I can say.
It will better your odds,
To find a brighter way.

-David

i'm so depressed right now, and i don't even know why. nothing has happened, but i still feel like i can't do anything right. plus, it probably doesn't help that my mom's mad at me again for some reason, and my dad is drinking like his 5th beer. the only reason i'm not in my room is because i don't have a computer in my room.

god, it's only 10:30 and my mom already yelled at me. whatever, she's really stressed right now... so i guess i shouldn't hold it against her.

everyone gets stressed just take it easy, I cant talk much im in school but I will talk to you when I get home in about 2 hours(im in my last period of the day than I have break)!!!! bye bye

yeah, i'm already in break. went shopping again. lol, tomorrow's x-mas eve, and i only just got all my shopping done. my parents aren't home right now... it's just me, my sister and my pets... so i decided to get on the computer. my mom and dad think i'm on here too much. my sister says i practically live on the computer, but she's just joking. my mom was annoyed earlier b/c i was on it again, so i got off.

i wish i understood my dad and why he drinks. when he drinks too much he's mean, and when he doesn't drink at all he's mean. the only time he's in a fairly decent mood is when he's had a beer or two. i think the only reason him and my mom stayed married is because of me and ashley. they hardly ever talk, and when they do it usually ends up in an argument, and with him leaving the house in a bad mood. i just... don't understand them.

Lisa, I think you should not care what they think. My family is just the same, I try not to care and it works. You shouldnt put yourself in harm either. Hope you feel better.
Merry Christmas!

-Jennifer.

well, lets see, x-mas eve at my house was practically hell with me and my mom. she made me cut again= ( i asked my sister how she's deals with her after i cut, and she just said she normally just tunes her out. kind of hard to do when she's all up in my face screaming her head off. i was determined not to cry in front of her, and i'm surprised i succeeded. only my sister knows she made me cry, because when i walked past her to go to my room, tears were streaming down my face. when i got to my room, i wasn't even thinking and i just reached for my blade... and cut myself. x-mas actually went pretty well, i'm surprised. i think i said more to my dad yesterday than i have in a month. isn't that sad. anyways, my aunt and uncle are coming down today, so i have to go back over to my g-ma's house. i was over there till 1:00 in the morming yesterday. i can't be on the computer very long today, so if you write something, i may not be able to answer you in a while.

Lisa Lisa Lisa....
I know you might not think when you get a trigger to cut yourself but we need to learn how to make each other think before we get a trigger and we go along and cut becuase w are just showing that we are weaker than the blade and I know that you can be stronger than it(i hope that makes sense to you)in easier terms...try to think before you cut no matter how hard it may be. Here are some questions to ask yourself before you cut..

-Why am I doing this?
-Is there anyone I can talk to before I cut myself
-Does cutting really solve anything other than more pain for myself?
-Who would be disappointed in me if I did this?
-What would Julie(me) say!?

These are the only questions I can come up with now but if I think of more I will post them and if that doesnt help than picture me standing right beside you when you cut and just think what I would say to you and think of a alturnatvie(spelling is wrong I know) other than cutting to get anger out. Maybe when you feel up to it...throw away whatever you cut with away..in the trash or out the window or something(trust me it helps)

get better lisa, I'm worried about you

~Julie~

ok 1 of 3 things need to be realized here..one what your grandma says will only hurt ya if you let it..it sounds lame but in my eyes it's the truth...2 you can't do anything about your dad..he drinks..the only person that can help him is in fact himself..and same with your mom...if she wants to yell then she's gonna yell..there's nothing you can do about that the only thing you can do is find an outlet..if it be your friend, music, writing. whatever the case is..find an outlet..and 3 cutting yourself won't help you in any condition..your dead for a LONG time..over what..things that could be solved in an effective way..other than cutting yourself...just to let ya know we actually care bout you or otherwise we wouldn'ta reached out for ya..so no matter what ANYONE says..you ammount to something...a friend..a loved one..or even a by passer..keep your head up lisa..hit me back...peace

thanks, your posts really meant a lot to me. it's just, i feel like i can't ever do anything right anymore. i know cutting doesn't solve anything, which is why i'm trying to stop. i've just been doing it for so long now, that it's hard to stop. i don't know, i feel like i could stop my mom from yelling at me about stupid things... if i could just do what she wants perfectly. but one thing i don't understand, how does she expect me to know that she wants me to do something if she doesn't ever ask? when i ask her that she starts yelling about how she shouldn't have to tell me i need to help, and all i have to do is look around my house to see what needs to be done. grr, i'm not a mind reader!!!!!! and as for my grandmother, i think i stoped caring about what she says when i realized that she cares for the GAS IN HER CAR more than me! god, it hurt so much when i figured that out. its like, i've loved her my whole life just to find out what? that i'm a worthless little girl who can't do anything right and needs to be looked down upon!!! and for my dad, he's gonna end up dead on the side of the rode somewhere in a car crash he caused, but should i care? i feel like i shouldn't because he doesn't care about me as much as his beer, but i do care. sorry if i'm ranting a bit... just needed to get that out. anyways, i really am trying to stop cutting.

How long have you been cuting? And its time to stop trying it just needs to get done hun. Just remeber that nobody is perfect so your mom or nobody should expect a prefect kid..right?! As for your dad..he needs to be the one to help himself but you are more than welcome to be right by his side if he is willing to get the help he needs. and if your Grandma sounds as horrible as i'm reading than have a talk with her...if you want to and dont know what to say to her I can give you some tips on what to talk with her about(i have had serious talks with my mom and it was hard but I got through it) You are not a worthless girl...you are a girl seeking help and want to fix things and that takes alot and I am so happy you are trying to stop cutting(that just in itself is hard) they love you they wouldnt have concivded you if they didnt love you. The people in the world that arent loved are the ones...having no home, no food, no family or friends to turn to, the ones that have nothing to look towards in life and just by the talks with you I know you are loved but! I understand that your family might not inderstand you but try and make them understand..have a talk with them.

About...6 months ago I was pissed at my mom and I hate talking to her face to face so I wrote her a letter and vented all my feelings out about her and I put it in her car so in the morning when she went to work she would see it and read it. Thats an idea if you want to do that with ur Grandma or mom or dad.
want to talk more than just say the word!

...

wow, thanks juls. um, i've been cutting for about a year and 1/2. what you wrote is very good advice. i mean, i know i'm loved, its just that... i don't know. they make me feel so worthless. everyone but my sister. i mean, i know i'm not, i just feel like it. um, i have to go. my mom needs to use the phone.

Well dont let what you dont believe take over your body..its takes to much energy out of yourslef and in the long run its not worth it. Dont feel worthless your sister needs you and other people need you to. Just keep in good spirits and you will feel better
I dont know if what if talking about is helping you,but I hope I am. I hope you take some of my advice into concideration(spelling is wrong) anyways...yea I would talk to them and i know it might be hard but thats what the right thing is I think.

yeah, well my mom is suspicous about what i've been doing on here so much, so i don't think i'll be on here so much. anyways, you've been a big help juls. i just don't think i can talk to them. i was going to tell my sister about my cutting, but i chickened out. the only reason my friend knows is because she saw the cuts on my wrist, and she saw the scars. she wouldn't except the catscratch excuse.

Keep trying baby just keep trying. What you are doing is good just keep at it. Your sister said that she just tuned out your parents right? Well maybe that works for her, but maybe it won't work for you. All the advice you have been given is really great and you shouldn't cut, here is just another idea to think about. (you don't have to do this or anything, just a thought) Maybe if you decided you wanted to you could confront your parents/grandmother about everything. Maybe they aren't awear of how it is effecting you and maybe they are just having a hard time and are accidently taking it out on you. I mean, I am very secretive person and to myself, but when I want to talk I am very blunt and direct. It is one thing to ignore you parents, but if you want to try to persue a better ralationship with them maybe you could talk to them, or if you can't get up the courage to talk you could try writting a note to them. I have emotional issues and trust problems so when I want something important said I will often write it instead so I don't have to be there for the reaction. Just some thoughts. Maybe if you told you parents the effects of what they are doing (your cutting) they might seriously try to change. I was/am a cutter so I know how hard what I am saying would be to do, it is just anyother idea. I love you baby! Keep trying. And do what Juls said, when you are about to cut ask yourself those questions! You can do it baby! I have faith in you and believe in you. If you ever fall and need help to get back up again remember that we are here for you! Best of luck and Happy New Year!

-Tainted Mikochan

it's not that i don't have a good relationship with my mom, i do, it's just when she's stressed(which is basically always) she gets mad easily, then yells a lot. i don't think i could stand to make her have any more stress, or give her another reason to yell at me. if she knew about my cutting, that's what she would do...yell. i think she would be ashamed of me...like in her mind, i'd be stupid because i cut. i don't know.

Lisa,
Hey! I know how you feel. My mom and I dont really talk much. Its a conversation like.. "Whats for dinner?" or "Can so-and-so spend the night?"And my dad is a drunk too, & he beats me. I cut too. Part of its family but mostly its about an ex-boyfriend. My family was close until I was born so I feel like its all my fault. I thought my friends were the best and everything but once it came down to really needing help they all just kind of dissapeered. Then I found Adam. He knows everything about me and I tell him everything. I hope that yourbest friend helps you because when your in a situation like this then you really do need someone you can turn too. But if you ever need anyone else you can email me at: xox__broken__love__xox@hotmail.com

Take Care,
xox *Deadly Angel* xox

-sigh-
I cut myself again, and i feel bad that i did it. I wanted to talk to someone and I dont know who to talk to because me and my mom dont talk and me and my dad are anything but close. like deadly said its a "whats for dinner". they just dont understand were teens today come from and grr...my friends seem to dont undestand either. so i thought i could "vent" on here sry guys. anyways g2g
xoxjulie

hey, it's ok. i can't write much b/c my mom found out i've been posting stuff online. :( she doesn't want me to anymore, so i kinda have to sneak it, and it makes me feel awful. sigh, last day of break.

mom's not home right now. I cut again today. sigh... i can't do anything right!!!!!!!!

babe...that makes me feel so sad..why did you cut again? did u even try to do any of the things i told you to try, why didnt you come on here and talk to me? If not upset im just trying to figure out why. and yes you can to things right you just dont see it nor believe it. Do you have msn or AIM so we can talk?

unfourtunatly not. i did try to do what you told me, but, i don't know, it didn't work. i kept feeling like i was worthless and everything. i suppose... i didn't really think. tears. i think i better leave and go to my room. my dad is drunk, and i don't want to stay out here. um, i have an email address though. bye.

hey, lisa,

welcome to my life...

i'm so sorry other people go through this! we shouldn't have to. it's not fair. well, i suppose, life not's fair. (sigh)

When I get in this moods....

I eat ice cream and watch movies, I dont like ice

cream but i eat it when im sad..lol well maybe its

just PMS but lol anyways..*huggles for everyone*

and you now im all here to talk to you guys if

needed. Keep strong and happy!!!!

Juls

life can be fair, I think, if you are.

well, i'm fair, but my life isn't.

my dad is having an affair. i've always suspected that he's had a a gf, but now i have proof. grr, it makes me want to scream!!!!!

well, i'm in clubs, and i volunteer, but unless it's something for school, or my mom's with me, i can't go to the mall or anything. it sucks, my mom wants me to grow up, yet she's not willing to let me do stuff by myself.
i'm so stressed right now, but i'm proud to say i havn't cut in 1 1/2 weeks!!!!

congrats lisa m glad you havent cut almost for 2 weeks...almost. keep up the great work and in time r mom will let u go do stuff on ur own, all in good time by dear.

Julie

well, i know. it's just...all my other friends get to do stuff by themselves. oh well. whatever.