urgent:bf tried to suicide...

lately me and my boyfriend have been having ssome problems, hurting too much... he was conisdering to break up... tomorrow will be our 7 month anniversary... he said he wanted to break up earlier... he's spending the weekend with his bestfrd and his gf... and i wuz talking to his besfrd's gf... his best frd went downstairs to get a drink and saw my bf cutting... then he fainted before his bestfrd tackled him...
they found that he had bought sleeping pills on wednesday night, which is also the night we looked into eachothers eyes for the first time, actually seeing the pain the other is going through... since its an online relationship, i can't be there with him right now... i cant convince him to not to break up and ended up forcing him to try to suicide...
i don't want him to die, thats the last thing i want, but if he does... i will suicide also and die with him...

but most important is... i need to find a way to stop him from suiciding, even though his bestfrd and his gf are stopping him from doing that tonight, he will probably try again tomorrow, or the day after... or the day after... so far tonite they were able to take away his pocketknife, and all the other knives and scissors in the house, and also his sleeping pills... but he can always find more.. thats the problem...

i always thought that if we stuck together, things will turn out ok in the end... but i think hes hurting too much, he can't hand on any longer... so he wants to break up, and suicide??

anyone have any ideas plz?

Wow that is pretty intense. Have you tryed and got your bf help? If not i would highly reccamend that you do so. I would keep a eye on him if he is that serious about death..you know? Online relationships are hard cause you cant really be there for them phyically but I would just try and talk to him

Oh baby, oh sweetheart that is hard, so very very very hard. If someone wants to die, then there isn't much you can do, if they are that determined, however you can let him know that you will be there for him and that even if he wants to break up you want to help pull him through this. Make sure he understands that you care. Try to have him explain to you why he wants to die and break up, let him know you want to get him. And of course, just love him.

-Mikochan

sweet heart, my b/f well ex tried that this summer, we figured we should be together one of us will try to be together he tried to die a week later. Hun, only getting suicidal too, will make things worse, i know how online dating goes, Im in one now. and its best just to let things settle down for a while, please just talk to him, and convience him that things will be okay you and him will both be okay, and let things settle down

Oh dear, I don't believe I'm doing this, but hey, I need to vent this stuff too.

Basically, if you want to die, you think that nothing and no one can stop you, but from experience let me say that knowing someone is there for you, be it next door or thousands of miles away, makes all the difference in the world. Let him know that you still care, because it seems at times that no one is there.

You cannot be there for him every second of the day, and you could not be expected to be. There will be times when he feels entirely alone in the world, all you can do is keep reassuring him that it's not true, email him a poem that he can hang onto in dark times, something that will give him hope, especially one you have written just for him.

If he knows you would die as well, and if he does love you at all, then maybe that will make a difference. Personally I would hate to think of anyone dying for me, and if someone says that, well, it really makes you think.

Say what is in your heart, but if in the end this life is too much for him, I hope that you can find the strength to live on. He would not want you to die as well, trust me. If you are suicidal the chances are that you value everyones life above your own.

Do NOT go down the path of "we will be together in death", no one can be certain what comes after this life, and so try to make it together in life.

I should listen to my own advice one of these days...

Well, I guess I've just let everyone know way too much about me. Great.
But if it helps you then it's worth it.

I hope with all my dark and sorry heart that this resolves itself, and if you need to talk about it, just send me an email.

*VioletRaven*

well done raven, i could even hear you speak, well done, anyhow great writing, i should listen to your advice,

Thanks. It's really just me letting my own stuff out, aloud I find it difficult to speak, my true voice comes out when I write. But if it sounds like good advice then what a happy coincidence. I think your advice is pretty sound too.
*VioletRaven*

its been hard for us either way... its just whether were happy or not at the same time...
i want to make through life together with him, but he just tried to suicide... its morning now... his best friends are watching him and promise to talk to him... but a brand new day... more time and oppurtunities to try to kill himself...

i want to hang on, i believe that if we hang on we'll eventually pull through... but hes not hanging on... im heartbroken that he broke up with me... more heart broken that hes doing this to himself...

i guess u could say if he suicides, i iwill too, then we can be together?? but really... i don't think i can live without him... it doesnt even matter if he doesnt want to get back together... i just want him well, allive, and happy,..

It is good that all you want for him is to be happy, it shows how much you love him, but please listen to me here; Killing yourself too is NOT the answer. What if there is no afterlife to meet him in? Then you will have wasted the only life you have, your chance to be happy.

I am speaking from his point of veiw here and I am so sure that he wouldn't want you to die for him. You have to let him know you care and that you don't want him to die, but you cannot blame yourself for the way he is.
Hang onto each other, but not to the point of falling and dragging each other down, please don't kill yourself, thats all I can ask.

I wrote a poem called If You Want to Die. It was for situations like this, and for people like you, I know that a few words wont stop anyone, but I feel very strongly on this topic.

Please Be Strong, for him, for yourself, and for this random stranger who shares your pain.

*VioletRaven*

i noe he feels that way.. but hes forgetting how i feel... he wants more pain to numb himself with, so he'll always remember me as a deep scar...
i rather be happy, it doesn't have to be a deep scar to remember... but he thingks that way...

while he wants more pain to numb himself... he's making me hrut him, i don't want to do that, it hurts me to hurt him... he can numb himself in pain.. but i cant....

Oh, I feel how hard this is on you, and it makes me feel terrible cause I know that I can be that way too.
Have you asked him directly to stop cutting? It might not work, but hearing that you want him to stop will maybe make him think about what he is doing, and stop him from connecting you with a scar.
Cutting is not a good thing, if anyone knows that it's someone who does it, but it is a coping mechanism in his case and I can relate to that. If he tells you all of this he trusts you deeply, so he will maybe listen to your judgement. Try to get him to talk about the reasons he wants to cut, because letting them out will perhaps take the need to do it away.
Everyone is different, I can't tell you a way to magickally resolve this, but I can tell you that letting him know you don't like to see him hurting is very important.
I feel your pain, but know that it is not your fault, he doesn't mean to hurt you, try not to let it get to you and whatever happens don't hurt yourself because of him.

he hasn't said anything... not even to his best friends... and he definitely won't talk to me.. last night was the first time i talked to him in about 5 days? and it was to break up...

you should try to get him help. that way he can't kill himself, and if he does, don't kill yourself ok. that wouldn't help anything. that would just cause more people to get hurt.

^exactly think of the heartache it would cause your family and friends.
I'm so sorry that you broke up, could it just have been his depressed side talking? maybe try to keep in contact with him, even just as friends, because if you care that much he should see that he has people to hang on for and to.

hun, m asking you from experience dont do it. Hun, Last stummer after he tried to commit suicide, we broke up and I tried it too. My mom wouldnt turn me into the hospital, instead for thearpy, i had to tell him that I had tried it. I have never seen him so hurt in all my life. When I get in my depressed moods, I use to spend the nights with him, in his arms, But now he not, and its killing me the last words i said to him before he got locked I told him "I hate you, and I never want to see you again!" he got locked up not even 20 minutes after that, that was the last words that he had heard from any of his friends, god i was a bitch. please dont do this to yourself, what if he tries, and he goes to the hospital and you actually die and he pulls through, then you dont even have him, nor does he have the comfort to pull through, because he will blame himself, please dont do this to yourself

its online.. whenever we're around each other, i feel it sometimes.. he can feel if im around him.. he wouldn't let me... i want to be there for him.. i'm trying to... i'm not gonna do anything until i'm sure... but either way, he continues to push me away...

In pushing you away perhaps it shows how much he cares, that he doesn't want to see you hurt, but doesn't know how to prevent it (?)
Letting him know you wont give up on him is the best thing you can give him just know.

well.. he finally sent me one... very short but still text message x.x... today is our 7 months... he tried to flush my ring down the toilet two nights ago and he had an overdose of sleeping pills yesterday morning but his friends found him... (thank god, even though i don't believe >.>)
i guess im gonna have to threaten him if he doesnt start taking care of himself.. its not the best way but clam chowder and fried chicken is very bad for someone who just had their stomach washed -.-
just hope his friends aren't lying and he isn't lying... that me crying has stopped him from doing anymore stupid things?
(sigh) maybe some volunteering at church would help him a bit... :/...

still wishing hes ok...
-kelsie

I'm still wishing for you too...
I hope for your sake he isn't lying to you, but don't blame yourself if he is still doing stupid things, in the end he is responsible for taking care of himself. If he doesn't then he is the only one who can be held accountable for that.
Just keep letting him know you care, it could make all the difference.
Best Wishes
*VioletRaven*

this is so frustrating... omg.. now that he has hopefullie stopped hurting himself? well. .least hes still alive rite now... he's blaming himself.. i asked his friend if he wuz ok but he was on his friends account? and he told me he died... i asked if if he was seirous and his friends got him off... but if they didn't, i'd either be in the hospital right now, dead, or have a cut down my arm...
-.-
not sure how to make him not blame himself?

That was a really awful thing to do to you, and I think it sort of shows why you shouldn't think about hurting yourself.
I'm sure his friends wouldn't lie to you about him being dead, but you can't take that chance. If they say that he is please, please, please don't take it to be true until you are absolutely certain, and whatever happens, don't kill yourself over him. No matter how much he means to you your life isn't worth throwing away over a guy.
I think that all you can do to stop him blaming himself is letting him know that you don't blame him, point out the good reasons why he shouldn't. He has been pretty depressed by the sound of things and when you're in that frame of mind everything seems to be your fault.
Keep letting me know how you are both getting on, and always Good Luck,
*VioletRaven*

I really agree with VioletRaven. You can not kill yourself over him. What he is doing so so wrong baby and you can not let his actions rule you. I know you love him, and keep trying to help him out, as long as it is not at the extent of yourself. Baby, do NO GIVE UP!!! Hunny please don't. This world needs you and dying will solve NOTHING! I know I am not supposed to tell you to read poems but this one is REALLY important! Read my poem Suicide through someone else's eyes. Baby I have tried to throw my life alway and it doesn't lead to anything good. Live life, if for nothing else than to help those who are in your position and give yourself the chance to be a good person. Send that poem to your boyfriend if you can. I really am worried for you and I don't want you to EVER make my mistake! I love you baby. Please do not leave this world, not matter what, not until you die at the age of 120 because of heart failure. You are so awesome baby, so awesome. Do not let anyone make you think otherwise. You are just great and this world doesn't want to loose you.

Always,
Tainted Mikochan

very well raven, I agree sweetie, dont do it, please dont be putting yourself in way of harm you dont want him to si, so dont do it yourself. Its confusing, just please, dont be getting all depressed, cuz you need to have your head on straight

yup.. it was extremely horrible, i would've slapped him if i could... i'm still ok, and i finally got to talk with his friend... she says hes ok but not sleeping and staying up to think... (he hasn't really slept in a week or so):/... but.. i guess its a start.. he's gaining back some of his logic and sanity... which makes me feel quite relieved since normally i am the one that is extremely emotional and illogical >.>

just hope hes not trying to lie to anyone and really is gaining back some of his sanity... normally he is so collected even when he had so much work piled up on to him its freaky... seeing him fallen apart like this scares me >.< but i guess i should be happy since he told her he wants to talk to me all night on christmas eve...

really appreciate all the advice :)
i wanna hug u guys so much right now >.<
especially raven~

Awww, thanks, I wanna hug you too cause I am so relived that everything seems to be working out. I hope it continues, cause I know how scary it can be when the world starts falling appart.

I'm just glad that you both seem to be ok for the moment, and I hope you have a great Christmas Eve.

If you need to talk some more I'll be around, just email me or whatever.

;) So glad that you're ok for now,
Luv
*VioletRaven*

im happy for you. hope everything goes okay