Perfectionist Cutter

It seem like everything I do I hate myself for even if other people don't notice........I get down on myself for everything and anything......I'm trying not to be so hard but it seems like forever I have been striving for perfection and if I screw up I hate myself so mucha and end up cutting, burning, biting, anything to create pain. What can I do to not be so rough on myself?
Or should I just stay like this and keep trying to be the best? And why do I have to create pain all the time if I mess up on something?

well... i think people strive for perfection when they don't feel very secure with themselves... i am like that too... i strive for perfection.. i look for any way to improve things... but it doesn't always work that way and we might mess things up even more.. (trust me on this x.x)...

i think striving perfection is good, its ok to get pset over it, but you shouldn't hate yourself or start hurting yourself, and instead focus on how you can improve things next time, or look for why its not exactly perfect, and take note of it so hopefully you won't make the mistake again

First of...this biting thing is new to me. You actually BITE yourself? That's just weird not to mention disgusting. QUIT HURTING YOURSELF. No one is perfect...we all make mistakes - some more than others. Learn from them and move on. If you mess something up you can make up for it next time. Hurting yourself solves or proves NOTHING. Deal with the troubles of life in a healthy way.

And...HAPPY HOLIDAYS!! SMILE!!

It is understandable to want things to go well, however you have to accept that you can not change the world and control it all. Obsessive complusiveness and perfectionistness can be even as far as a personality dissorder and can be treated. Hurting yourself is a way of controling things in your life, but there are other ways to do that hun. You make mistakes in life baby, that is what it means to be human, but what makes you a good person is being able to get back up again even when it is hard and difficult. DO not try to deal with your stuggles alone, get friends, get family, get help if you are willing to. It is not easy, it is so easy to just keep falling and just pretend that you will not hit bottom soon. Life is not easy, and it will never be, but you have the strength as a person to make life worth it, so you have something to life for. I know I have had a smiliar problem so here's what I did, I started helping people. I know that sounds really cliche and tacky, but it's true. There are people in your position that you can relate to and love and care for. All those cutters, and lonely depressed people of the world. They are everywhere, looking for a friend, the friend that you could be. This way you can get through things together, and it really puts you problems in prospective. baby, I know from my own experience that self harm can not give you any help, but rather harm as it's name says. You have things to offer the world and I am not just saying that. Just from what you wrote I can tell that you have the ability to help others in your position. It gives you something good in you life, something worth it, a reason to live. The only mistake I encourage you not to make is to stop talking to people about your problems, because that is my mistake, and now I no longer can as in I don't know how, and my voice just won't work and I can't do it. I can't talk to someone when there is something wrong b/c my worst fear is to be put on their list of things that are going wrong in their life, but I am told that is not true, so I pass that on to you. Good luck baby! If you need me I am here for you!

-Mikochan

Biting bleeds and bruises.......I have no idea how that all started it just did

I have trouble talking to people about me since I'm always looking for others to get help and I can never really keep friends for to long

I tend to push people away once they get to close.
I only want to protect myself I guess

There Is No Such Thing As Perfection, Its Just The Truth, Stop Striving To Be Something Your Not.....Have You Ever Heard Of This Popular Quote "In a World Where You Can Be Anything, Be Yourself" That Speaks For Itself Overall.....I Feel As If You Don't Need To Try So Hard To Achieve Everyones Expectations, Achieve Your Own Goals, Do What Makes You Happy xoxo-Nikki-xoxo

Well I go By"Be The Best You Can Be" I know if I try I can do anything and I go by another thing
"Thereare things I can do;There are things I can't do;Since there are things I can't do I will not refuse to do the things I can" I'm good at alot of things but I want to be my best at them and I always believe I can do better,......

well... i understand what you mean by pushing people away if they get too close... i do that a lot too... that is... out of the few people i even let close to me in the first place x.x... theres about 10 people i've let close to me after i started pulling really far away from this 'group' i used to be a part of, although i never really fitted in.

anyways, right now, i've basically only let my boyfriend, his god sis(who is my 2nd best friend?), boyfriend's best friend's girlfriend, and my best friend know everything. but there are a few friends that i do talk to about thigns when i am really going crazy (llike now?)but this friend of mine who basically took over the motherly role i've needed so much, and i guess, without her, i probably won't even ever have learned annything about love of friends.

just think of it this way... you can be good at many things, you probably will be the best at something... but you can't be the best at everything. i'm happy that i'm pretty much one of the best at doing 2 things, (although they may be... kind of useless at times).. but sometimes just knowing your limits and continue trying is enough, there is no need to punish yourself for it... just focus on how to make things better if you didn't do something perfectly the way you wanted to

but i definitely know how you feel...i let my boyfriend down on one of the things that i'm best at... i've believed in him for over 2 years, through thick and thin, we've been through things so much worst than this... but what happened 2 days ago.. i'm not even sure x.x... but just that night... i stopped believing in him for a few hours...

thanks everyone

I've been trying to be perfect for a little over 6 years......but not for people aound me but for my father....trying and practically dieing just to get him to love me....he has been teling me who and what to be since I was 8 and now I'm 14 honestly I don't know who I am I have been living a lie for so long I began believing it myself. How can I find who I am when my fether has shaped me for so long?

Well, I find that most people strive to be perfect, and if they do not reach that sense of perfection they oh so desire, they harm themselves in some way or another. I find that this is very foolish to do. See, why would you put yourself to harm, when you are striving to be perfect? Perfect people do not put themseves in harm..they are happy and enjoy life to the fullest. I advise you to stop cutting, burning, or putting yourself in harm because it isnt good for your heath. A way you can stop is to put a rubberband around your wrist, if you feel the need to hurt yourself.. pull the rubberband so it hits your skin. This will help because it inflicts the same amount of pain as the others. Hopefully this will help. Good luck.

-Jennifer.

I have recieved perfessional help but my mother always pulls me out of it...because its to "time consuming" and the rubber band thing helped a little but for some reason the color of the blood only satisfies the urge so I end up doing it anyways

ya know what my mom has pulled me out of therapy twice to be exact! because she said it was to far away and she doesn't feel like driving after she gets home from work at around 7:00 and not getting back till about ten o.k. and don't tell me to suck it up because I hate it when people say that because that is when people get hurt you "SUCK IT UP" for so many years and it all hits you at once and you try commiting suicide so don't say that to me! and I could go on and I do have more problem that are at factors then trying to be perfect to get my fathers love back for 6 years! ok

i dont know if i can be one to talk for i fear that u would not listen to a hipocrite because that is what i am. i do hurt myself like u, well cutting wise and i really do wish i could stop. i just wanted to tell u that u dont need therapy. only the weak do and by ur last post, u can be anything but weak. maybe that person needs to shove it. they dont know the pressure put on people. u just have to relax. let things fall once in a while. everything well be ok in the end. a very important person told me this one thing once, she said, " everything will be better in the end, if its not better, its not the end." i know u have to kind of read it over and over again to try to see the message but it means something. and that person who told me that is the only person in this world that knows me and she is the only person i let into my life. that is what u need. a good friend to just listen and offer u advice that u dont have to take but it is an option. fall back on someone. let them help u achieve almost perfection-ness though perfection is never needed and really just try ur best. once again u dont have to listen to me or even read to this point but i hope in some way i did help u. i know it is not easy to get help or a good friend to listen but if need be i will always be here. we have a lot of things the same so i really do know and will never judge.

Theres nothing wrong with striving to be better. But when it gets to this extent, it can be dangerous. Myabe try to set goals for yourself, you know, take it one step at a time. Maybe try talking to someone, they could really help, by telling you all the stuff you're good at, so you're not alwasy hearing the negative.

Good Luck&&Lots of love

-Steph

... =)

thanks everyone.......