HELP ME!

Take a seat and listen closely, let me tell you a small story, Its not to long so don’t get ancy, I’d really appreciate if you played to my fancy. There’s stories about a girl I seemed to like. No I didn’t love her, but pretty damn close, you must understand that It’s hard for me to care for someone, so this is a big deal. She lead me on, and I was so scared. I was active with her, if you catch my drift, but we weren’t "together" as a couple, get it? Anyway, she played to my fancy, everything I wanted in a girl, and a bit more. But I have this true self inadequacy, and I was always so scared, so every time I would ask her if she cared, she would take it as an insult, and yell at my name. Tell me how much she loved me, and we were the real thing. I feel so stupid now, nothing will ever be the same. You see I told her, if she wanted it to last, she was going to have to be with me, in a relationship, all things aside, I wanted to be with her, to look into her eyes.. I spent several weeks waiting for her answer, my friend was yelling at me, telling me I was hurting her. Saying that I was making her make a hard decision (choose me, or stay faithful to her ex.. stay faithful to her ex, wtf?) I guess it made me out to look like a horrible person… one of my best friends yelling at me… for him that was the first straw. Things get more complicated this I assure. She still didn’t give me an answer… But I guess I was ok with that, give her time, I’m an understanding guy. But time passed, and she seemed to grow cold. And my good friend from before, seemed to be interested in her a little bit more. that was his second straw. After awhile it was quite obvious he wanted her (he was dating four girls at this time) he really made me sick, he was betraying my trust by trying to get the girl I cared for, even if we weren’t together. Well it all comes down to this one night. I told her she better make her decision I’m tired of waiting. 5 hours later she sat me down. Her wrist was bleeding, she slit it… I’m guessing to make me feel bad. She told me we weren’t right for each other, that it wasn’t going to last, but in the future she sees that we have a good chance. So I let it go.. though inside I felt as if I died. I let her go, I just couldn’t stay with her that night. I walked down a cold street, repeatedly slashing my hand and wrist, I wanted to drain all the caring out, to watch it gather in puddles on the ground. it was so cold, the air was so cold. My skin grew numb. But inside I was still hurting, oh how it hurt. But what can I say, I was probably over reacting, this I know, but I’m not that smart of a boy. In time I got over it though. Took a few weeks but I was ok with it. it no longer mattered, I mean I still cared for her, I still was her friend… But then I got some news, from a real friend. They told me that my friend, almost fucked her, and that they may be dating… now I remember she told me she wasnt ready for a relationship…. Then again since when was sex a relationship, I’m guessing thats all she wanted, and she knew she wouldn’t get it from me (virgin until marriage) But this may just be a rumor. I truly dont know. I want her to tell me if it is or no. I know it doesn’t matter, or atleast it shouldn’t… but a true friend wouldn’t be doing that to his buddie. So obviously hes not a real friend. And well I don’t think I can be her friend any longer, her name alone makes me feel weak, and emotionally drained. I feel so inadequate, ashamed, I cant state enough how bad I feel as a person. As if I’m a lower form of life… Do you think I should still be her friend? (note this is all my HONEST point of view…. Remember there always seems to be two sides of each story, maybe to her I was really hurting her.)

Thank you,

Oh man. I feel like giving you a big hug.

I agree with you that you are an incredibly understanding guy. In your shoes, I would not be the same way.

I think that's completely unreasonable of her to do to you. She makes you wait and then makes it seem as if you're hurting her by wanting to be with her? That's just cold. I do know her position (sort of) though, and I do know that it hurts almost as much to hurt someone you care about as it does to be hurt. However, there is no way in hell that she should be able to turn the situation on you and make you feel as if it is your fault that she is hurt. It's not in any way, so do not begin to believe that what you're feeling is wrong.

However, I think that the actions of your friend and her are unreasonable. She's still leading you on by telling you that in the future there's a chance, but she's ripping at you between now and the hypothetical then. It's just cold. It doesn't matter if she slept with him or not, it's the fact that she's messing with your head so much. Girls play games. I know, I'm one of them. It's cold and it's cruel and it's harsh, but it's still what we do. We're made to be the weaker sex, and it's as if manipulation is our secret way to stay on top, when in actuality it's just false and twisted.

I honestly think that it will end up hurting you more to stay friends with her, because it will make it harder for you to move on. I understand that you still care for her, but you don't deserve what she's doing to you, and in turn she doesn't deserve the great things that you have to offer (I assume, because I don't know you).

If you need me, I'm here.

Take care,
Carrie

well when I'm with someone I trie my best to make them happy... I"m not a rich person so I"m not a gift giver, but I did buy her my favorite book for christmas, i wanted to share with her something that meant so much to me... I always gave her massages, wrote her small bits of poetry... she has issues with feeling safe with men, so i did my best to make her feel safe around me. but yeah... i dont think i can be friends with her any longer

Those things are incredibly sweet (but not in a Hallmark sort of way). I think that if she's not perceptive to that, she doesn't deserve your time.

No she doesn't deserve your time.....if she can't see how much pain this is making you go through then she just isn't worth it....and whats the deal with your friend? In my opinion well he's just not much of a friend if he does that...even though i'm a girl.....i really hate all these mind games that we play....its horrible that you had to go through something like that.......and she had NO RIGHT to make you feel bad for her....and then the relationship thing....i really hope your ok...if you need someone to talk to i'm here. ok hun?

luv jess xoxo

Take care and good luck!!!

yeah.. I'm slowly getting over it. I'm just expecting to much so young. I always look at a girl in the view of if we would be perfect forever... its because I have a fear of dying alone, I need to realize I have time to toy around in life and still find the right girl. I"m only 17, I don't need to find Mrs. Me.