too much... too tired...

i think im really tired with everything, i don't know how to put up with things anymore, my story is kind of long, but i'd appreciate any advice or anyone who wants to share their experiences,

i've been going out with my boyfriend for 8 months now, its kind of in between online realtionship and well.. a regular one sinc ei get to see him sometimes.. but not too often since he is graduating high school this year and also has a full time job.

sometimes we get so frustrated that we can't be with eachother physically a lot, every once in a while, he would just lose it and break down having mood swings and start hating himself because of how things are, me and him not really being able to be together and the responsibilities he has from work and his family (his parents do not know about me and we can't let his parents or mine know)

as time passes by, the mood swings become more and more frequent and he even tried to suicide a little bit over a month ago, i love him a lot but we can be so different. everynight i start talkingn about random things hoping that we'd be able to actually talk about something from there, but often we don't get to talk long and we're really tired by the time we do find something to talk about.

he said he doesn't know how i feel most of the time except when im scared and confused or i'm hurting, but the truth is, i don't feel too many emotions much becuase i have really bad mood swings too and i'm basically either happy, depressed, tired, or confused...

but now its getting to a point where i cant really take it anymore, whenever he breaks down i want to too, but i try to be strong anyways... everytime he breaks down he starts wondering if its better to break up, but me and him have gotten to a point where we can't live without eachother, and on new years eve we even got engaged, but only his 4 of our best friends know about this and we still have to pretend to be single and we don't know eachother and everything infront of almost everyone

i just don't know how to stay strong anymore, how to make him happy anymore, how to help him as well as myself with mood swings, how to stay happy with him... because i know.. he is 'the one'

the one that i'll love with all my heart no matter what happens in the future

-kelsie

wow, thats intense hun. Just keep strong in try and keep your head up high because if you both truly love one other than it will be worth it in the long run of things. Mood swings are normal, when you feel things are getting to be to much or something you might not seem to handle the hormones in us change. Sounds like you are frustrated with this relationship of yours but love isnt always the easiest thing to do or to have. Just be there for one other and i know that you cant be together phyically yet but be there emotionally and in heart. I dont know if I have helped you but here you go and I hope everything is ok with you and if you want to talk more I am here to listen and give more advice if ever needed.

Good Luck and Keep In There
Julie

I have the same problem. Except for one thing, my bf can't see me because he lives halfway around the world, and it gets to him too. I never thought I'd meet anyone as emotionally vulnerable as I am, especially not anyone more emotionally vulnerable. It's like he has these moodswings every other week and I have to try and help him by distracting him with conversation or random things; because he never responds when I try to talk to him about what he's feeling. And I can't do much about that, because well, I respect his space and his privacy and everything, he's allowed to feel things without needing to explain them to me, you know?... Anyway, I really hate that I can't help you, but I wanted to let you know that, I am dealing with the same thing. My bf does that to me all the time, and he'll stop talking and everything. It almost feels like everytime he does that, I've lost him... And it's tearing me apart inside, I can't live without him. (Just as you said in your post.) So if you want to talk to someone, -and complain with me lol- we have that much in common, and I'd love to be able to talk to someone that understands aswell. Perhaps we can help eachother inthe long run? Anyway, I don't want to seem too creepy, so I'll leave that decision up to you - if you want to talk or not. Hope things look up soon. Congratulations on your engagement - whether it's been anounced or not. Best of luck with everything!

mm.. thanks :) but sometimes he really pisses me off... rarely but when he does i get really mad, like when he tried to suicide and push me away... now too. we're both so tired, and i feel like all that i said meant nothing and did nothing, he's been kind of ignoring me and well, after a while he just told his friend he's giving me 2 hours to cheer him up when i am also depressed, and i'm so tired of cheering him up after trying to cheer him up every night after he has work... (i've been doing that for about a month, and he still gets mood swings and is in kind of a bad mood to his friends sometimes)

so anyways, theres 30 minutes until the 2 hours is up, i'm stuck in between missing him, hurting, and being very pissed off at what he said, basically, he expects me to cheer him up, i know its my job as his girlfriend, but what if i am tired and feeling weak also? i mean, my 2nd reaction was "why can't he cheer me up?"

anyways... i guess its so stressful sometimes...
-kelsie

PS- Steph you can eail me anytime you like, or send me an email to the email i have linked onto my site, and i'll add you on msn on the account i use everyday
thanks :)