thoughts...............

theres heaps of people on this site hu have tried to kill them selves and i want to know

why didnt you? why did u decide not to?

well for me it's a long story but I did try and I guess I didn't go deep enough or something and my best friend James called me and talked me out of it. but that is as much as I feel fit to say.

at first i felt that since no-one cared about me, and no-one loved me and since i was always so sad why not just die and end my depression, i figured that even hell would be better than staying on earth and dealing with my everday problems....but then i started to think-to hell with the people that are always trying to put me down if i die it would just satisfy them even more , and then i had a plan to become somthing important to the world be better than those people who make people like me feel like crap, they could go and scew themselves while i improved myself, and here i am alive and talking, sure there are those days when i feel like i should of just done it, but you just have to hope for a better future, hope that things will get better

You know you love me,
Cassandra

im woundering why u decided to stay here

but yeah GO US KIWIS

XIX

I decided to stay because ..........

even though life sometimes gets so that you can hardly bear it there are times when you can make others lives bearable and thats what I live for... so that no one has to be lonely like me... so that no one has to see or feel my pain... and one day... I'll succeed but until then I just can't be selfish and think of how crap my crappy life is and so I think how bad those kids in africa or that kid down the road pumping drugs into her system like there's no tomorrow's lives must feel and then I try and do something to help them (she stopped trying to commit suicide and smiled the other day and my kid from world vision is doing grand! *grins*) and now people I become close with don't believe me that I still stuggle with wanting to die! so you see even tho people think I'm selfLESS I'm actually selfISH cause in helping them... they help me... LOL...

gabbermouth award of the centery goes too *drum role please* RUTHIEEEEE!!! nah... sorry. man.. I just decided that this is the last time I'll ever have to give this one a go y'kno? c u around? hope I do...

wow ash... so sad... but I want to challange you with this... have you thought about what happens AFTER you give up? Do you think it's peace forever or... I'm just curious cause I'm a bit confused about what you mean... do you WANT to be here or do you want to be dead? 4give the blondie here lol...

Ruthie

good for you. and it makes perfect sense... don't keep beating yourself up about stuff ok?

i didn't decide to stay... i just cannot seam to die. sounds stupid i know, but there isn't much i havn't tried in the past and i am still here. so its not so much that an event changed my mind or anything, it's more that no matter how many times or what method i attempt i always end up still been alive, and usually the attempt only makes things worse.

so for now at least i'm staying here.

Master of shadows, that was my problem too. I tried to kill myself a LOT of times, and yeah somehow I am still here. Ummm well want to live now, and my poem, Suicide through someone else's eyes explains that more. You guys can go read the whole thing if you want, or don't. doesn't matter, here is a part that answers your question.

"Then God called me to his heavenly hall
Showing me the ripple effects of my self fall
Friends and family raw, swollen and torn
My children forever remaining unborn
A lover now eternally without his wife
Simply because I had decided to end my life
God told me there was nothing I had gained
From destroying my life to end temporal pain."

I am not a coward, and I do not choose the easy way out of life just to be lazy, I realized that. I have done a lot of dumb things in my life, and my biggest reason to keep ticking is to aton for some of my mistakes and many stop some other people form making the same ones. I know what to watch for in people, and I know how to help, so I'm trying to keep living in effort to help others. That and my little brother calls me his role model, what kind of role model would I be if I killed myself? I couldn't do that to him, until my older brother comes home, my little brother needs me to look out for him, I am the only one he talkes to. Also I know serveral people's lives that will fall apart if I kill myself. I have tried and I almost destroyed so people in the process. So yeah, I won't try to kill myself anymore because there are people who need me to stay alive and I have alot of repentance to do.

-Tainted Mikochan

I stayed because of many reasons... one of them is this letter...

Suicide is usually not successful. You think you know a way to guarantee it? Ask the 25-year-old who tried to electrocute himself. He lived. But both his arms are gone.

What about jumping? Ask John. He used to be intelligent, with an engaging sense of humor. That was before he leaped from a building. Now he's brain damaged and will always need care. He staggers and has seizures. He lives in a fog. But worst of all, he KNOWS he used to be normal.

Even less violent methods can leave you crippled. What about pills? Ask the 12-year-old with extensive liver damage from an overdose. Have you ever seen anyone die of liver damage: It takes awhile. You turn yellow. It's a hard way to go.

No method is foolproof. What about a gun: Ask the 24-year-old who shot himself in the head. Now he drags one leg, has a useless arm, and no vision or hearing on one side. He lived through his "fool-proof" suicide. You might too.

Suicide is not glamorous. You may picture a movie star in a slinky negligee drifting off to eternal sleep from an overdose of pills. But your picture omits a likely sickening reality: as she dies, her sphincter muscles relax, and that beautiful gown is soiled with her excrement.

Who will clean your blood off the carpet, or scrape your brains from the ceiling? Commercial cleaning crews may refuse that job--but SOMEONE has to do it. Who will have to cut you down from where you hanged yourself, or identify your bloated body after you've drowned? Your mother? Your wife? Your son?

The carefully worded "loving" suicide note is no help. Those who loved you will NEVER completely recover. They'll feel regret, and an unending pain. And rage, because at that moment, you cared only about yourself.

SUICIDE IS CONTAGIOUS. Look around at your family: sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, husband, wife. Look closely at the four-year-old playing with his cars on the rug. Kill yourself tonight, and he may do it ten years from now. It's a fact that suicide often follows suicide in families, and kids are especially vulnerable.

YOU DO HAVE OTHER CHOICES. There are people who can help you through this crisis. Call a hot line. Call a friend. Call your minister or priest. Call a doctor or hospital. Call the police.

They will tell you that there's hope. Maybe you'll find it in the mail tomorrow. Or in a phone call this weekend. Or when you meet someone shopping. You don't know--no one does. But what you're seeking could be just a minute, a day or a month away.

It really hit me hard. Also after attempting several times i felt awful there was a thing... you feel like your such a failure in life, i decided to kill myself, yet i even failed at that. There is no feeling worse. If my family owned a gun, i would more than likely NOT be here today, though i am still suicidal i dont attempt any more, because i have realized that there is a reason to why i am still in this hell hole. All your so called friends try to talk you out of it, but none of that means a thing until someone who has attempted and is in a similar situation talks you out of it and then you know that there is hope for the future. Thanks Rhiannon...

|x| Andi |x|