What now?

I’ve been forced to see the school nurse (who doesn’t actually do first aid, we have the first aider for that. the school nurse is for people with like emotional and mental health problems, she’s more like a councillor) about my SI for a few weeks and during that time I haven’t stopped SIing at all, if anything its become more frequent. This isn’t her fault, its just that there have been some problems that are going on, that I am not going to go into now, that I haven’t told her about and don’t really want to. I have been honest and said that I haven’t stopped SIing and that it is getting deeper (no point lying, I'm a terrible liar) and she has threatened to call my parents and she has said that if soon after the half term holidays I haven’t improved then she will call my parents because she isn’t technically doing her job by stopping me harming myself and she isn’t able to help me. She said I may need more help than she can give and that made me kind of depressed because that made me feel unfixable. I haven’t even told her about my previous suicide attempt and my recent suicide thoughts. I think if I had told her that, I’d be off to the psych ward right now. The fact that I don’t communicate well to her because of what happened with my last councillor (A few days after I saw her my parents found out about my SI) doesn’t help the situation. I don’t want to give up SIing but I know that if I don’t there will be bad consequences. Plus the fact that today I was in my art class and I leaned over to get some pain and my sleeve slid up and revealed some of my deeper cuts and my friend was like “Oh my god! What have you been doing to yourself?” I just shrugged it off and avoided her for the rest of the lesson but now I’m scared that she will tell everyone about it.

Hey, just a little rant from me.

I personally don't SI, but two of my best friends do (they're getting help, don't worry). Now whenever my friend wears a short sleeve shirt, I can see all the old scars, from when I felt helpless to stop her.

Those ones bum me out. I could have done something but was too scared to.

And I see her new cuts. And I think they must hurt her physically like they do for me emotionally. Mostly because each one shows a time when she was hurting and couldn't go to me for help.

So I think your friend is genuinely concerned about you. Do with this what you will, I've said my part.

I myself don't SI either, because I wouldn't be able to deal with the scars for the rest of my life. I can't say I appreciate people that do it, but I do try to help, most of them don't listen, but please stop SIing if not for me, a complete stranger, then for your friends and family who love you, or even yourself for if you keep doing it then one day you may go too far and hurt yourself badly or worse, end your life.

Stop It!

Its not as easy as just stopping for me. You might think it is but it isnt. For two years I have done this and now it is the only way I can cope. I dont care about the rants and raves you lot can throw at me. People who SI are like like people who smoke. They become addicted to it and depend on it. So you see why SIers get so annoyed when stupid n00bs come on here and tell us to grow up and stop attentions seeking. There are many SIers who are in their 20's and 30's so no point telling them to grow up because they already are :-P and people who SI cover it up and completely dread the thought of someone finding out. Unless you are an SIer right now you have no idea why we do this and what runs through our minds when we are doing it.

^ I think everyone knows that it's not easy for you to stop, but as you say, people won't know how it feels unless they are in the same posistion as you.

Firstly, just realise that everyone IS trying to help you. Your school nurse person is thinking of telling your parents because she doesn't know how to help, and the people on here are just trying to give their advice to help you, not to have a go at you :-)
I know how hard you must be finding this, but remember there is hope. The only advice I can really offer is to try and take your mind off it when you are angry/upset and feel like doing it. Personally I find the easiest way of doing this is sleeping, cos you can't do it when you're asleep... lol... I really hope you feel better soon,
Polly xXx

Hey, xxxApzxxx, I never meant to be rude in my little rant paragraph. You expressed your views, I expressed mine. Sorry if it seemed invasive and rude. That was not the intent.

Hey,
I know how hard it is to stop, and how scary it is that someone might find out. It can be really hard to talk to a counsellor or a nurse but letting it out in words instead might help.
If you do want to try and stop, or at least stop doing it as much and as badly there is a good topic http://www.poems-and-quotes.com/discussion/topic.html?topic_id=42596 here, with some ideas that might help when you feel the need to SI and don't want to. The truth is that you can only stop if you want to, and it would be best to do so while you've only been doing it for a couple of years, it will only get worse and the best way to stop people finding out it to stop altogether.
If talking about it to an empathetic stranger will help then feel free...
*VioletRaven*

...I'm confused....

I don't quite understand the point of the post. You've made it clear that you don't want to stop, so there is nothing we can say or do about that, so that can't be the point.

You mentioned that you were afraid that your councellor would call and tell your parents, but, close to the end of your post, you said that your parents found out a few days after you went to the councellor, so I don't understand why you are worried about her telling your parents.

As for everyone else finding out, you can't keep a secret for long, someone, somewhere, will find out in the end. Your best bet is to try and drop this "I'm unfixable" attitude, and realize that the only way to get help is if you want it. With that attitude, you'll never change. Try thinking, "Look, I want to change, and you know what, I can do it." The problem is, you'll try, and then, realize how hard it is and quit. Life's hard, it's a challenge, that's what makes it fun. If you don't want to change, then, as I said before, what was the point of your post???

Kalika

just listen for one moment, because i have something important to say.

Counsellors have a rule of confidentiallity, they cant tell anyone anything unless they think you are in danger!
I self-harmed a while ago, and i was frightened family would know and all that but counsellor said she couldnt say anything.

Also, i think you should open up more, talk about it, find out why, because then you can understand yourself better. If you ever want to talk i will listen. I will not judge you and i will only offer advice if you ask me too. email me if you ever need someone to listen.
x

Take care Honey, and try for your ownsake

love Tara-Kay
xxxx