I don't know what to do and I'm afraid what might happen

I wrote a question on here awhile ago about if I should try and forgive my father and take him back even though he never changed and stuff or if I should just totally stop seeing him.......I took a couple of your advice and let him fully beck into my life and put all my past behind me.........he even began to get better with actually noticing I was there he even brought me to an art musuem(sp?) one day which was AWESOME!!! and I was so happy........he never admitted that anything was wrong in the first place and that still bothered me a little but I was trying to forget..........

Then about a couple of weeks ago he went back down hill........didn't want to see me or talk to me and then when I went over his house he said he found my poetry online and if you have read any of it you know it the harsh truth about how I feel about my father and what he has put me through....and that day he told me how sorry he was for getting drunk all the time, how sorry he was for getting high all the time, and sorry he made me feel that way............and that was probably one of the best moments ever in years because my father actually took the blame for what has been slowly killing me .............however that night he was drunk.....and was telling me how great pot is and how
I should try it some time and how he should start it again and telling me how much he hates my mother and how he should have never married her in the first place because she lies about everything and betrays etc. etc. and saying like how the bible was written by a bunch of idiots one day and was never meant to be taking seriously.......my father is quite anti-christian.
I'm so mad with him but I know I can't speak up because he'd probably hit me if I told him how I really felt........he hasn't hit me before (basically because I never speak up to him and do every thing he says) but he grabs and throws my step brother into stuff if he doesn't listen and sometimes when he didn't even do anything.......he doesn't really go after my two older brothers because they are to strong for him.......

I'm so lost for what to do right now and upset with him .........and it's worse because I'm trying to stop cutting now too ....I haven't cut for 25 days which is the best I have done in 2 years and I feel good that I haven't but with all this I really really want to .......because I know I can't do anything but without cutting it's like I can't forget it either.........
please I'm asking for advice.....I don't know what to do.

Thats really hard. I know parents ushually don't realize how hard their bad habits are on their loved ones. Try when he is sober to tell him how much he is hurting you still. Try and convince him to go to a hospital or something to get help. Try and stay calm with him. And your doing a really good job not cutting, I know its hard. But try not to let your dad be the cause to even more pain. You wont feel good about your self if you do. I'd be glad to talk to you any time. Veggiegrl62@hotmail.com

....thanks for the advice

I guess I'm going to just try and forget it all.....which is probably best

sorry I bothered anyof you over this useless post