Repeated crime... GAH!!

  • Jackie Marie
    18 years ago

    Well anywayz...I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice besides "TELL YOUR MOM"
    Ok well anywayz. I am 14 years old and I was repeatedly raped and molested all throughout my younger younger years. It stopped like maybe 4 years ago. It started way back in time for as long as i could remember. I finally had the courage to tell, but it wasn't who needed to know...I told a couple of my close friends and my boyfriend. My cousin told my math teacher (which is ok i guess because i feel comfortable talking to this teacher) and my math teacher was talking about calling child services. But then she decided not to because it happened so long ago. And the person who did those things to me moved out around like 4 years ago and when he came to visit, it didnt happen again. She doesnt think child services could do much now. I do NOT have the courage to tell me mom and I dont think I ever will. I am so lost and I don't know what to do. ;( Sometimes it gets to me really bad and I want to like die or run away or something stupid like that. Any advice?

  • Polly
    18 years ago

    You poor thing! I feel so sorry for you :-( Hope your Okish now...
    I don't know about advice, I dont think you can help yourself now, I think the only way you can would be to tell someone else who can help maybe? If you dont want to tell your mum, couldnt you tell a close relative or a counseller or someone like that to tell her? I guess she doesnt have to find out if you really dont want, but if you want help you are going to have to tell someone. Im really sorry I couldnt help.

    -Polly

  • Gwen
    18 years ago

    that is really sad, but the person who did the raping must be someone closed to your family. so I think U should tell your mom, she may be shocked when she find out, but then it not your fault it happen. & she will understand, & she will know what the person who done that to U really are like. Just don't let him get away with it & killing yourself isn't the best answer. ^_^

  • Jackie Marie
    18 years ago

    Yeah..Thnx..I do have a psycologist..different reasons (so many deaths in my family at like one time..5 in like 4 years..no six people..it started to get to me so i was sent to a psycologist) I dont know if i could tell him or not..the person who did it was my own...brother..
    I mean..just thinkin about it makes me feel so dirty..so like..useless...i dont know..Hard to explain...

  • Gwen
    18 years ago

    your own brother, is he like step-brother. If not then I think something is seriously wrong with him. U poor thing, I think U definitely should tell your mom, he need to be punish for being a creep, an asshole, god I can't think up anything word to describe him. & U are not useless or dirty, there nothing can be done, U are a girl & he a guy, he already have the upper hand. Just don't stay quite about it for long.

  • Jackie Marie
    18 years ago

    He is my half brother but he lived with me and my mom and my other brother chris. His name is Rob. Its hard to tell someone about it. It would be different if he wasnt my brother. But I don't know.

  • Jackie Marie
    18 years ago

    I wrote three poems about it

    As A Child
    Forced (1)
    Forced (2)

    They aren't the best but it explains what all i feel. or atleast part of what i feel.

  • Gwen
    18 years ago

    I have read your poems & they make me cry a lot. Im so sorry that U have to experience something that terrible when U was just a child. Now I want that asshole to get the punishment he deserve even more than before. Just try & not remember it too much, it bring U even more pain.

  • Jackie Marie
    18 years ago

    I try to stay strong about the whole thing. My boyfriend told me to tell when I am ready and I think that is what I am gonna do. The teacher that knows thinks I should tell me mom now. I'm afraid that she might not believe me or be mad at ME or something like that. I mean..You do see those cases..Where the parents just act like nothing happened because it was their child who was the molester/rapist. You know? I am really glad that you liked my poems. I base them all on my real life. Thanks for listening to me about all this.

  • Kitty
    18 years ago

    Go and see a counsellor about it.
    i was sexually assaulted by my best m8s dad n i ended up telln da school counsellor n now i have to see a lady who spcialises in this fiels n i havent told her who it is or nothhin but she is there for me to tlak to and stuff
    soz if this odenst help
    katelyn xxxxxxxxxxx

  • Timeless Hopeful
    18 years ago

    Confused.

    You did nothing wrong, the person to blame is the man that did that.

    Go see a counseller...They may help you hun...

  • Jackie Marie
    18 years ago

    But you dont understand how HARD that is to do Bob Shanks...It is expecially hard when it is a FAMILY member. And what could child services do? It happened long ago and he now moved away..

    this is so complicated and confusing...thnx though everyone

  • Timeless Hopeful
    18 years ago

    To be a family member is worse...

    It's incest, that's what it is.

  • Jackie Marie
    18 years ago

    That's another reason i am afraid to tell...When students find out at the school...what are THEY gonna say and think...I mean i know it doesnt really matter what they think but still...It will affect how everyone treats me there.. And I was at school today and I just found out that another teacher knew. She just walked up to me and told me that she hopes things start to look up for me and she asked how i am..Then she told me that she was there for me if i ever needed to talk. I have an idea who told her too and I am pretty ticked off. I don't know what to do. I hate this

  • Jackie Marie
    18 years ago

    I'm telling on Monday. I made apromise that I would..*

  • Gwen
    18 years ago

    Good Luck, I hope your mom will understand ^_^.

  • Gwen
    18 years ago

    I don't think Confused got pay to keep quite about it. She not seem like that kind of person. & as for the person U are talking about, that is not raped, it was more like willing to me.

  • Jackie Marie
    18 years ago

    Yeah that seems more of willing. I don't know...And no i was NOT paid to keep quiet. I am suppose to tell today but I am like freaking out. I don't know If i am gonna be able to tell today. It matters what mood my mother is in. I am so scared. I am gonna try but there is no promises. I might tell tomorrow. I know it may sound like I am just trying to put this off. I guess I kinda am. This is so hard. We just moved into my grandma's place just yesterday and the day before so we are kinda buzy getting everything put together. And is like really emotional because my grandma passed away Jan. 1...So this is all so complicated and frustrating. I dont even understand what i did to deserve something like this. My boyfriend is trying to help me with this. I have like all these thoughts of suicide..but I dont want to...I just want a way out of this mess...Ya kno...He is helping me with is..I am really lucky to have him..I just feel bad for making him put up with me and all this stuff....I am so lost on all of this!!!!

  • Jackie Marie
    18 years ago

    I didn't tell...I couldn't..I tried and it didnt work

  • ღ*KiM*ღ
    18 years ago

    It's going to come out soon anyway at a guess, by the sounds of it the teachers are telling each other (something I don't think they're allowed to do but which happens too often) and once it gets around the teachers it could get back to your parents. I feel it would be better coming from you and they would respect you more if they thought they were the first ones you told. I know it's hard but it's probably for the best

  • Jackie Marie
    18 years ago

    Yeah I know...I tried again last night and the words just wont leave my mouth. And my mom was talking to my brother yesterday and she was telling him how much she loved him and how much she misses him. I just cant bring myself to tell her..

  • Timeless Hopeful
    18 years ago

    Well Hels finally I can agree with you. With an added "Aww"

  • Jackie Marie
    18 years ago

    You guys..I am so confused. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I want him punished or if I just want to inform my mom of what went on. I don't know what to do. I sat in my room and cried all day yesterday. Ok...If you guys were in my situation...tell me how you would tell your mom or dad...How would you come out and do it...I just need some good advice that is gonna help me. I have tried to tell her for the last 4 days.Everytime I try to I kinda just freeze up and can't talk..

  • Polly
    18 years ago

    omg, someone accepted money to keep quiet about rape?! woh...

  • Jackie Marie
    18 years ago

    Yeah kinda messed up...

  • Jackie Marie
    18 years ago

    OK update everyone. I wrote my mom a letter thing. I am too afraid to give it to her though. In the note, it explains what happened (not detail for detail..just the cliffnotes) and that I was too afraid to tell her before and I am too scared to actually tell her now. I explained that it was easier for me to write it down than actually sit her down and explain it. Should I sit it on the table before I go to school tomorrow. You guys...I am so scared of being there when she reads it. I am scared of what her reaction is going to be. So my boyfriend gave me that little bit of advice...What do you think about it?

  • Miss Pipp
    18 years ago

    do wat you want. i kno i cant tell anyone about my problems (which i will not mention)
    i think you should talk 2 someone if you think you need to but the police or child services wont be able to do anything even if you know the person who did it because if you are raped you are not suppose to have a shower other wise they wont find any traces of DNA and after so long it would be assumed that you have had a shower so... yeah theres nothing that anyone can do really
    stay strong
    xoxXxox pip

  • Jackie Marie
    18 years ago

    Thanks hels..I know I should leave it and then be somewhere where she can find me but the thing is..I DONT WANT TO BE THERE.. Just because i am so scared of what she is going to say and do..You know? I don't know what I am going to do yet..

  • Jackie Marie
    18 years ago

    I left the note...She knows...It all went fine. I can't believe I actually thought she would have been mad at me or wouldn't have believed me. When she found it, she came and picked me up at school. We both stood in the office and cried....And then she took me to my psycologist to talk and then we went to eat. But when she found the letter, she called my brother and asked him. She read him the letter. He didnt lie. He admitted to what he did. He told my mom that the same thing happened to him when he was younger but with my half brother (him and him arent related at all) Kind of a shocker. So I don't know what is going to happen. He told my mom to tell me that he loves me and he is so sorry. I say that is a sack of ****! I don't know though.

  • Gwen
    18 years ago

    I'm happy to know that everything went find when U told her, & that she understand & care for U. I hope that U feel all better & forget about this whole thing. ^_^

  • Jackie Marie
    18 years ago

    Thanks you guys. You all really did help me. I feel...so....RELIEVED..You know? It takes a load off let me tell you..Thanks so much. *hugs hels back* Thanks ;)