Chuck Norris facts

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

chuck Norris counted to infinity... twice

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night-light. Not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of chuck norris.

When chuck norris goes for a swim, he doesn`t get wet. The water gets chuck Norrised

If you spell Chuck Norris in scrabble, you win. Forever

does anyone have any good old chuck Norris facts?

These are some I`ve read, though I am not sure who originally wrote them...they roam the internet!

I got some!!

www.chucknorrisfacts.com/index.html

When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the ground down.

--What's with everybody and Chuck Norris lately anyways?

Aliens do exist, they`re just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack

ok I am SO confused on why everyone is talking about this guy, I feel stupid, but will someone please explain?

those chuck norris facts are so funny

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

That's hilarious...lmao!

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals chuck Norris allows to live=)

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

People are mauled by bears, bears are mauled by chuck norris

-josh svensen

Chuck norris is what willis was talkin about

-i dont know

Theres no such thing as the lochness monster the thing in that lake that killed people was the chuckness monster

^Yeah, this is one of them lol.

Jesus walked on water, well chuck norris swam through land.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

God wanted 10 days to create the world. Chuck Norris gave him 6.

Chuck Norris doesn't get frost bite...he BITES frost

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch......he decides what time it is!

When Chuck Norris was a teenager, he once impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the Himalaya mountains. 9 months later, the nuns all gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in NFL history.

Just a few yes i did copy and paste
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

Chuck Norris’ blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate an Indian.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72… and they’re all poisonous.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds ’til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris’ victims before they died? His shoe.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris originally appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”

The opening scene of the movie “Saving Private Ryan” is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that
roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris doesnt T-Bag..

He potatoe sacks.

Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

Any good chuck norris facts?
He's dead.

Chuck norris wont live past 60

You know a few weks ago i was all for the chuck norris thing, and now ive moved onto better things, like danke cook

Chucknorrisfacts.com is making a chuck norris book.

Lol, really?

These Chuck Norris facts are hilarious :P

Chuck Norris isn't that great.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

hahah gosh chuck norris jokes amuse me

God wanted 10 days to create the world. Chuck Norris gave him 6.

^^^ From a person above. I laughed for awhile on that one.