Meatball Hoagie Meeting! *touches nose*

OKKKK FIRSTLY DUDES, i missed certain pasrts of the movie because, yes, i was indeed picking up every single peice of popcorn that my boyfriend tossed on the floor. then, when i had picked every one up, some fcuker tossed them all out again, which is why i missed like the hole film.

SECONDLY bend it like bloody beckham is AWFUL, and NOBODY sounds like that. LMAO, well obviously, we are all British, but we r not all like "yeah, innit, dude, football rocks, it rules man, yeah yeah" LMAO tht is just not how it goes really! but, u thought of me, i spose thts a good thing, altho in a movie about FOOTBALL?!
Really.
can u honestly see me playing FOOTBALL?
no, i didnt think so!!!!

Hey guess what! i saw my chickens head go all the way around today, i SCREAMED so loud i thought it was like the evil chicken way of saying "CUE! TAKE OVER THE WORLD!"

III LOOOOVE PIE.

BUT I LOVE U MORE!!!

.LMAO!!! I just cracked a fortune cookie on myspace, and it said "YOUR PETS HAVE ALWAYS HATED YOU"
LMFAO LMFAO LMFAO LMFAO!!!!!!!!!

Nuh huh! Bertie and Gertie have ALWAYS loved youu!!! HAHAAHHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH

Oh MAYUN! hahahahha GEO!

SEE, CAR!!! I -TOLD- you she was picking up popcorn!! Sheesh!! And you thought she was doing something NAUGHTY! lmfao!!!!

Oh shizzlenet. Um...So. Like I said before. I need to talk to someone. I'm pretty....upset about something...

I'm MOVING in June...almost immediately after school is over and like...its like..less than a month away now. And I'm starting to REALLY like Cameron again. Way stronger than ever before. Like...he's amazing. And I'm BEGINNING to fall for him, though its not ANYTHING like what I felt for Zac. Cameron is so easy to break and yet he really cares for me despite all the times i've accidentally hurt him, accidentally said something I shouldn't have. And he has the BEST kisses out of ANYONE i've EVER kissed before. And even his kisses make me feel insecure and undeserving, which really isn't a great feeling. But just knowing that he sees WHY I'm insecure and completely disregards them or assures me that I'm fine, idk. It's adorable.

So. I'm almost in tears of what I'm going to do. This month may be the last month I ever spend with this kid, who I'm starting to FALL for.

God help me. I have the WORST timing. Ever.

And to top it off, I'm starting to fear that he hates me when he doesn't. I'm afraid he's trying to leave me like Zac. I WANT to trust him, but I find it SOOOO hard because I'm so scared!! Gosh. What do I dooooo?!?!

Sorry if I got like...WAYY off track. Its just been bugging me all day...
And the day before that.
And the day before THAT..

yeah. basically its just been bugging me.
lol!! love you guys!!

"Me being the white bread, you being the jelly, and TEYS being the peanut butter."

sexy ;)

ahhh the goood old randomness days are flooding back *reminiscing*

wow sisi, bad timing or what girl! Ok firstly, jus because u are moving away, doesnt mean that u will NEVER see, hear, smell or talk to this dude EVER again, there will be times when u can talk to him. Secondly, babe u cant control who and when u fall for people, u just cant, no matter how much u want or need to, u cant. and ur falling for Cameron, this doesnt need to be a painful experiance, you and him are really close, and thats really great! If he is the SLIGHTEST bit human he will be falling for u too (because ur gorgeous) but right now, dating, loving, complicated emotions is not what u need right now. your moving soon, and u should enjoy the time that u have with him and all your friends before you go. Dont let ur mind be filled with thoughts of who u like or who ur falling for, try ur best to enjoy yourself. And when ur with him, great, have fun, heck u can kiss him all u want, but getting properly attatched to this guy is not a good idea. He may be amazing sierra, but there are plenty more amazing guys in the sea. wait, i said that wrong, whatever! LOL
Just concentrate on the time u have left k babe? have some fun, dont let emotions get in the way, go with the floooooooooow and dont be worried or stress about it ok? thts probs easier said than done, but try ur best?
I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE U!!!!!!! and u dont need to worry bout any complicated emotions while ur inside the meatball hoagie hiz house LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i looove u so much and am always here
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks, Geo...really. It means a lot. I've been SOOOO confused lately.

And even though we're not dating anymore, we still kiss and hug and everything. And people are starting to look down on us for it. But I'm not too eager to make any formal announcements that say we're dating AGAIN...
I don't know. I came home today after school and I began to CRYYYYYY. I laid in my bed, trembling and crying because I was terrified of falling in love again. I was afraid of rejection all over and afraid of being hurt. My heart is too fragile as it is, too sensitive to pain. And it seems that love is just poison. And I can't take much more of it.

For so long, Zac has shattered any hopes that anyone will ever be better than him, or that I'll EVER care for anyone else the same again.

And I do NOT care the same way for Cameron as i do Zac, otherwise I would be out declaring my love regardless of my fear of rejection. Its just a really strong feeling. Like...he's a part of me or something. And I'm afriad to leave that behind.

All day my stomach has been in knots. And when he kissed me today, I was so happy!!! So THRILLED, as if the day couldn't get any better. And he was hanging onto me and i was hanging onto him. I loved it!!!! Seriously. No one has EVER made me feel the way he does..physically.

So I guess its lust...?
I have no idea. I've never felt this way before and I can't describe it.

Either way, my day was great until we started kissing and Jessica saw us. And she FREAKED OUT.

She said I should stop it or else I'm REALLY going to end up hurting him. Which is odd, because now I'm afraid for entirely different reasons. I'm SCREWED in this one, Geo.

COmpletely screwed.

I don't want to hurt him or make my absense any harder on him. But at the same time, what if I regret not being as close to him for my last month for like...the rest of my life? It'll hurt being close to him and not being able to touch him, but what if I'm far away and I begin to desperately wish I could take all that back?! But by that point, he'll be too far gone!!!!!

Uggggggggh!!!! i could scream. And i haven't stopped crying. I don't think I"m in love, I'm just so confused!!! So STRESSED and so desperate.

Jessica is trying to do her job as a friend by protecting Cameron, and perhaps myself. But she won't approve. And I can't do anything without her approval.

If anything, she just made matters harder to handle....

Well. Haha.
TEYS-the good old days indeed. You should come back here more often!! BACK TO THE HOAGIES! lmao!!! We're not always as dramatic as I'm being right now, I promise. Its just one of those rare moments when I'm totally lost.

xoxoxoxo

I love you so muchhhhhh GEooooooooooOoO and Caaaaaar! And Kristen!!!! And all the other hoagies who never show up anymore!!!!!!

xoxoxoxoxo
-me

Lol, u me and car seem to be the only ones left!! Ah well!..
sisi, im gonna stick by what i said in the earlier post, make the most of the time u have with him because i know for sure you will regret it if u dont.

Im having issues of my own . things aren’t good, me n my bf are having serious issues he is being such a knob head and im thinking I don’t deserve to be spoken to like that. Argh I want to kick him really really hard. Lol, and megan and me are officially NOT good, All she seems to care about s her other friends, helping them thru everything, every single thing that comes up and with me its like it ddoesnt even matter. ARRGHH im so angry and so upset that I just wan na cry and cry, but im at school so I bloody cant!! I don’t know what to do anymore, like you sisi, im lost, we are lost together in the land of lost. I love u guys so much.

life sucks.

yes it does. And im sick of it.
My fcuking knob of a bf and me are over. He was so fcuking rude to me, and i told him that i wasnt gonna stand being spoken to like that. At which point he started to ignore me, and then sed "this isnt working is it" and i said "no, it isnt" and he said "what do u wanna do?" and i said "well it doesnt matter what i wanna do it looks as if uve already made up ur mind" and after a long convo we came to the conclusion that HE wasnt over his ex and HE was upset cause he didnt see me this weekend and HE doesnt think this is working and HE IS A FCUKING FCUKWIT. So, within 5 mins the entire school knows. and all i wanna do is cry on the shoulder of my best friend but nooo i cant do that because she doesnt wanna know. So my friend Pascale is hugging me 24/7, and everyone else comes up to me and goes "i knoooow things" in a really patronising way which i HATE. So it turns out he KNEW he was gonna finish the relationship on FRIDAY because apparently he was talking to a girl in my school, EMMA, about the situation. then emma comes and tells me online on friday about how chris was talking about me and really likes me, the fcuking 2 faced bitch. So that concludes the end of my relationship. im not too upset about him in general, im upset tht people were right when they said he was a knob, and that everyone thinks its their bussiness. THEN chris has the fcuking nerve of saying "but we can still meet up *wink wink*" as in, i dont wanna date u but ill get off with u whenever u want. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. this is the kinda time i REALLY need Megan, but i cant talk to her because i think she really doesnt like me right now, and im not too happy with her, but i need her =( argh *wipes memories from brain*. I just gotta forget.
Im so pissed off.
My dad had an affair. thts why him n mum bloody split. which i didnt know until mum blurted it out in a drunken frenzy. and im so stressed and so upset that i could cry for days and still not get enough emotion out. I resorted to cutting again last night, which really sucks. and im so tired, and so stressed and so bloody fed up with life. And people. wtf is wrong with people, they SUCK and they cant keep their bloody noses to themselves and im sooooooooooooom J,AJKDNSKJBDASJKDASJKDHSAHASBKASNHDJORBNCDNBVZMAAGJAGSHKHASKDJ;PO]#'0882$%£$%^$%&$^£%"%£^$&^*$

help meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I can't, Geo.
I can't stop crying long enough to really feel anything else.

Last night as I was online talking to Kerri and my friend Helen when my mom called.

so I answered.

And she sounded all happy and stuff and I really didn't want to spoil it because the last time I called, she hung up on me becaues she said that "I" made her cry in the middle of work, which made ME cry. Everytime I talk to someone in that house, they always make me cry.

So my mom called and i was REALLY hoping she wouldn't make me cry this time.

Then she randomly started talking about Mark, then Virginia.

SO..i told her nicely, "Mom..i'd really LOVE it if you wanted to move up to Virginia. That way, I could see you more often and we could be closer...I just didn't think I was worth you having to get a divorce with Mark or split custody over Aiden or even have to seperate your belongings. I just didnt' think I was worth it, Mom"

Which, in itself, is very self-incriminating as it is. But no..its as if she planned for me to say that, she PLANNED this whole conversation out....

And she was all like, "You're NOT worth it anymore. I don't care anymore. You dont want to even SEE me over the summer, that's fine by me. You don't love me? I don't love you."

ANd I got really silent and started to cry. She did this ALL THE TIME when I lived there. She knew what she was saying would tear me apart in silence and that's all I could do, was keep silent. I wanted to SCREAM and I fought myself to be that obedient little girl she raised me to be.

SO i was silent and crying.

And she went on how everything in that house in Georgia is all my fault. How the abuse, I made it up. ANd how me not wanting to see any of them has torn them all apart and they all hope I'm happy now.

When in reality, I never ONCE said I didn't want to see my mom over the summer. I NEVER said that and I don't know where she got it from, but she's inventing things in her head now.

And despite how I KNEW I could'nt possibly have affected anything in that house since I've been gone, I still believed it. I felt so GUILTY. I felt so...insane and inferior. I felt unworthy of anything. So low as if I shouldn't even be here. And she was THRILLED that I felt that way. SHE KNEW IT! Geo, Car...I KNEW she knew I was crying. My voice held an unmistakeable whimper from my tears and then after that...I heard her smile. You know how that is? When you can hear someone smile? You can't actually see it, but you can hear the sound of a small chuckle or their lips seperating?

I just knew she was smiling as I fell on the ground bawling at what she was saying.

My own mom doesn't love me, doesn't think I'm worth it. And What i did to warrant that phone call, I'll never understand. But I've practically been crying nonstop. And so depressed that even moving is a hassle. I just want to fall asleep.

I hate her, Geo. I HATE my mom.
I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate hre I hate her I hate her I hate HER! -screams-

Suddenly, if my own Mom can't find the heart to love me, I'm starting to wonder if I'm NOT worth it. Maybe I'll never find love. Maybe I'm not good enough for other people and I'll never be.

I'm so sick of being put down. So sick of crying over her. I want her out of my life. I want her GONE!
She's fcuking HAUNTING ME.

Okay, Okay, Okay.

I'm going to do this one at a time...
Whew, no wonder I had a horrible day... My hoagies were suffering...

Geo, you're first:

Geo, baby, let me first tell you that you are SO much better than him. And that he doesn't deserve an ounce of what you are.
I can't even believe he said that shit about "we can still meet up." What an asshole.
And that people are scum. Bloody scum. They don't know how it is, they'll pretend they do. they lie and cheat and lead you on.

If I lived anywhere close to where you are I'd come kick that guy's ass. I'm serious.

I'm sorry your chum Megan isn't there for you... that really sucks you have no one to lean on.

But honey, please please please PLEASE don't cut anymore. I don't want you hurting yourself. And I know it's hard, but you need to stay strong, Geo baby. You're so beautiful inside and out and I don't think you should hurt yourself no matter what you face - you're too beautiful for that. I can't believe that bout your dad, that's just ridiculous and makes me really upset.

I just... I wish I could give you my shoulder to cry on. I hope you're okay, love. Hold on, okay? things will get better... And if they don't... I'll fly over there and kick some European ass.

Car

Sierra...

Don't you DARE let ANYONE tell you that you aren't "enough."

That's bullshit.

Of course you're enough, you're so much more than that. You, just like Geo, are SO beautiful inside and out... and like Geo, you deserve the best.

And I know what it feels like. not exactly, mind you. But your mom - smiling at your misery? That is exactly what Zac did to me. Except he bragged about it... to his pastor. About how he LIKED hurting me...

And damn, that hurt the WORST.

And you're feeling like I did at my real dad... I HATED him for deserting me.

For making me think I wasn't enough.

For not loving me enough to stick around.

For not loving me at all.

Now listen to me RIGHT now. Your mom is full of crap if she can't see what a wonderful girl she has.

You WILL find love... that I promise.

And I KNOW that you are so much more than "good enough." I know it. You will always be.

Don't let her control you... because you ARE you. You are beautiful and right and in all your imperfections PERFECT.

I love you both, more than you could ever know... Hang in there.

Car

ohhhhhhh

I'VE GOT A LOVELY BUNCH OF COCONUTS
didly didly
THERE THEY ARE ALL STANDING IN A ROW
bum bum bum
BIG ONES
bum
SMALL ONES
bum
SOME ARE BIG AS YOUR HEAD
bum bum bum
GIVE 'EM A TWIST
bum
A FLICK OF THE WRIST
bum bum
THAT'S WHAT THE SHOWMAN SAID!

smile please my lovely ladies :-) you are too sexy, too sweet, too shrumdidlyumptious to be upset whatever the case or reason!

there is enough love in me to appease the world! also enought angst but hush hush on that one! AND IT ALL GOES TO YOU MY FRIEND! *big heart*

teys

Sierra.
Listen to me, don’t u dare focus your mind on ANYTHING apart from what I am about to say ok? You are worth the entire world and everything in it. You are incredible, such an incredible person sierra, u may not believe that, but I bet there are a million other people who DO believe and KNOW that. Your Mom does love you sierra, you’re her daughter. But u and her both have been through some awful experiences and that’s why u get into thjese arguments. She does love you and I KNOW u love her, u and her have tht bond, that mother and daughter label that cant EVER be taken away no matter how much u want it to be. I don’t care whether u believe this, but u are worth everything to me, and to all the other meatball hoagies….well….car and teys, lol the only people bothering to show up these days!!!! Babe, everything in your life happens for a reason, and its not fair but u are so special, God has given you something amazing, he has given u an incredible talent with writing, and u must use that sisi, don’t give up and not get a chance to use that amazing talent u have girl!!!
Sisi, don’t let your mum make u cry huni, I know that’s hard, but u have to be strong ok? Your Mom isn’t making u cry intentially huni, im almost sure of it. She cant keep affecting you like this, im sorry about what she said, I really am, but no matter what happens sierra, don’t u EVER believe that ur not worth it. Because you ARE. Just because ONE peron may make u believe that ur not, doesn’t erase every other person view of u and how special u are to them, inclusing me sierra!!!! I love u sooooooooooooooooooooooo much, and me and car are always gonna be here for u.
You will never find love??????? Sierra that is bullshit, of COURSE ur going to find love, and that love is going to lift u from any pain and unhappiness that u feel, one day sisi but uve gotta hang in there to beable to see it.
Huni don’t make any decisions about ur mum in ur life when ur upset okay? If your serious about wanting her out ur life its something u HAVE to think carefully about.
I love u sisi never give up okay because to me ur worth the world
~Geo
Ps. Car thanku so much for being here =)
pps. TEYS! u rock!

Hi sweet SiSi - Don't you ever forget I love you more than anything more than your mom or Savi or anything. You are so special to me in every way. NANA

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?! ANYONE THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE??!?!?!?!?! SISIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII TALK TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im worried! say something!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't be worried. I'm okay.

Just stressed out. I have 2 projects due tomorrow for school and I have to make a cake tonight as well as worry about my presentations for the projects, I have TONS of homework this weekend and I'm under a lot of pressure and stressed out from all the drama in Georgia.

But I'm okay.

Just extremely busy and exhausted.

who the heck r u?!?!?!?!?!??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im so confused, who is adele?!?!? haha why do random people keep coming here?!?!?! hahaha makes me giggle!

it just confuses me, lol!!

Its YOUR reaction that makes me giggle.

tee-hee.

hahahahah EAT THAT CHICKEN! NOW! QUICK PETERS COMING!

Geo...

random people come in here because they know how COOl we are... and they want others to think they are a part of it. :)

Hehe.

I heart you all...

hahahahaa
and only YOU could come up with an explaination like that.

Anyone want to ride in the basket of my bicycle?

I WANT RAMEN NOODLES!

and my eyes feel like they're abuot to explode.

Ew, right? lol!!!

I less than three you all

Oh...and just so you all know...

I scanned pictures of you, Geo, and that school picture of you, Car, and i put them on a powerpoint that's "About Me" in my 5th period Computer class and I have to present on Monday.

So you're going to be in my presentation.

Just thought I'd let you know.
MOOHAHAHAHAHA

eh.
don't worry. Its just a class full of gangsters and mexicans.
XD

I'm starting a new thread, my puter can barely load this one...

im going to be in ur presentation?!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!! AHHHH!!! i gtg, but i NEED HELP!!!!!!! ttyl! xxxxxxx

you okay?? You haven't been online real often.

but yeah. you're in my presentationnn.
i love youuuuu

i know, im sorry, i'll ttyl! xx

can some1 pls lock this thread its just confuses me. LOL.