Blonde jokes

-It's not my own creation. I got it from the i-net. I thought to share it with you guys.

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies

Yes."

He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat.

She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....

(scroll down)... I love this one ...

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FOR BEST RESULTS . . .

PUT ON TWO COATS

A blonde woman decides that after sitting home for 20 years every winter while her husband goes hunting, she wants to go this time, so he says "sure". Well, about a half mile down into the woods , he collapsed. The blonde calls 9-1-1 and says" please, you gotta help me, my husband might be dead, he just fell over here in the middle of the woods, what do I do?" The 9-1-1- operator tells her" First thing we have to do is determine whether he is dead or not, you must calm down.

"O.K., hold on a minute" the blonde said. a few seconds later the 9-1-1 operator hears a gunshot, followed by the blonde getting back on the phone.." O.K., now what?" she repiled.

Two Blondes waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation, "How'd you die?" the first blonde asked the second.

"I froze to death," says the second.

"That's awful,” says the first blonde. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"

"It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second blonde. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping.” How about you, how did you die?" asked the second blonde.

"I had a heart attack," says the first blonde. "You see I knew my husband was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found him alone watching TV. I ran to the basement, but no one was hiding there either. I ran to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died."

The second blonde shakes her head. "What a pity, if you had only looked in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."

A brunette man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender looks at the man and says, "I'm 6' 6" and blonde, that guy over there is covered in tatoos and weighs over 300lbs and he's blonde, and that guy over there is as tall as I am, with bigger muscles and he's blonde...still wanna tell that joke?" The brunette looks at the bartender and replies "Not if I have to explain it three times."

Lolz....their really funny....hehehe....Hilarious!

OGM OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!!! THAT WAS SOO FUNNY!!!

Lol, that fills my quota for laughs~

--Bryce~

there were three women (a blonde, a brunette, and a red head) and they were in the process of robbing a super market, but the police show up. so the red head decides that it would a good idea to hide in old potato sacks. so the police get in the store and find no one there. but just to be sure one of the cops said to another to kick the potato sacks. so the cop kicks the one with the brunette in it and heres "meow". he turns to the other cop and says its only an old cat. he goes to the next sack with the red head inside. kicks it and hears "woof woof". turns to the other cop and says its only an old dog. then he goes to the third sack with the blonde in it. he kicks it, no response, kicks it again, still no response. so just to be sure, he kicks it one more time and hears "potato"

A blonde goes to take the 44 train. She accidently misses her ride and decides to take the 22 train twice.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets

A group of blondes were willing to prove that not all blondes
were dumb. They established a judges panel of people to ask the
questions. On the day of the judging the people started off by
asking, "What is 59+2?"
The first blonde contestant responded by saying, "57?"
The rest of the blondes said, "Give her another chance, give
her another chance!"
Then they asked, "What is 15-5?"
The blonde responded, "20 right?"
Once again the rest of the contestants screamed, "Give her
another chance, give her another chance!"
The judges decided to go easier on her and asked, "What is 1+2?"
"3?" said the blonde.
The rest of the blondes say, "Give her another chance, give her
another chance!"

There is a brunette and 11 blondes hanging over the edge of a
cliff off a piece of rope. They realize that the rope would
break if one of them didn't let go and they would all fall to
their deaths. The Brunette starts this big heartwarming speech
about how she is going to sacrifice herself for the others. At
the end of the speech the blondes all clap.

How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?

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How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

Why are most blonde jokes one-liners?
So men will understand them.

What did the blonde do with her arsehole in the morning?
Packed his lunch and sent him to work.

Did you hear about the blonde who won the gold medal at the
Olympics?
She had it bronzed.

What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
They both get easier to pick-up with age.

How did the blond moonwalk?
He got naked from the waist down and slid his butt along the floor.

A professor invented a lie detecting chair. Whenever anybody sitting
in it told a lie, the chair would open up and dump the liar on the floor.
During an experiment, a brunette sat in the chair and the professor
asked her to tell about herself.
She began, "I think you are the best teacher I've ever had."
The chair immediately dumped her on the floor.
After the brunette left in a snit, a blond sat in the chair. The
professor asked him to tell something of his life.
He began, "I think -"
The next thing he knew, he was sitting in the floor.

A blonde's house is on fire when she pulls up to her residence in the
country. From her cell phone, she calls the fire department in a panic.
The dispatcher tells her to settle down; they need to know how to get
to her house. The blonde replies, "Duh, in your big red fire truck."

There was a blonde who was sick of all the blonde jokes. One day, she
decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair.
She went driving down a country road and came across a herd
of sheep. She stopped and called the sheep herder over.
"Tell you what. I have a proposition for you," said the woman.
"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take
one home?" "Sure," said the sheep herder. So, she sat up and looked
at the herd for a second and then replied "382." "Wow." Said the herder.
"That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take
home." So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car.
Then, the herder said, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you."
"What is it?" queried the woman.
"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

A blonde walks into the store and tells the sales clerk that she wants to buy a tv. he replies by saying "we dont sell tv's to blondes". so she leaves. she goes back the next day wearing her hair tucked up in a hat. asks if she can buy a tv and again is told they dont sell tv's to blondes. she leaves. and the next goes back again, this time wearing a dark colored wig. she asks if she can buy a tv, and again "we dont sell tv's to blondes". by this point she is really mad and asks why they wont sell her a tv, the clerk replies "because we sell microwaves"

How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?

Ask one to open a window.

What do you call a Blonde with two braincells?

Pregnant.

here's one

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess.

The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing.

He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captaind asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied,

"There are only three doors in here," she cried,

"one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says

"Do Not Disturb"!!

A Blonde and an ant jumped off the Sydney harbour Bridge. Who landed first?

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The Ant! The Blonde had to stop and ask for Directions!!!! LMAO

A blond was on a plane to Toronto and she had bought a ticket to ride in coach. a little while after take off the blond gets up and goes to first class and takes a seat. A flight attendant noticed her doing this and asked to see her ticket , she took her ticket and said " I'm sorry m'am you only paid for coach youre going to have to return to your seat" the blond looked at her and said im blond, im beautiful and im going to Toronto. The flight attendant, bewildered went up to the coc-pit and told the co-pilot about the blond, he went back to talk to her and he got the same answer "im blond, im beautiful and im going to Toronto" he returned to the coc-pit and told the pilot to have the police waiting for them when they land to arrest the blond. The pilot said "I'm married to a blond, i can speak blond" so he goes back, leans close to the blond and whispered something in the blonds ear, she got out of the seat and returned to coach, later when the co-pilot asked the pilot what he had said to her he replied " i just told her first class wasn't going to toronto!"

Ok heres one lets see if i can remember it... lol

A blonde And a brunnette are sitting at the bar one night when a redhead walks talking about this bear that she go, the brunnette proceeds to ask the redhead how she got it. the redhead tells the brunnette that she followed the tracks and boom she got a bear. Well the brunnette decides that she is going to go out and do the same. So the blonde is sitting alone in the bar the next night when the brunnette walks in talking about this nice bear that she just shot. the blonde decides that she might like to get a bear so she asks the brunnette how she got it. the brunnette proceeds to tell her that she followed the tracks and boom she got a bear. so the next day the brunnette and the redhead are sitting in the bar when the blonde stummbles through the door all bruised up and bloody. The redhead proceeds to ask the blonde what happens when the blonde says

Well i did what you said i followed the tracks and BOOOM i got hit by a train....

lol got a kick out of this one

LOL!! I don't have any blonde jokes, but these are funny.

A blonde is locked in a car with a hammer. How does she get out?

She doesnt, she dies of loss of air.

There is a red head a brunette and a blonde about to executed. First the red head stands there and the executer asks for any last words. She says no. The executer shouts Ready...Aim...but the red head shouted tornado to startle everyone. She managed to escape. The brunette did the same except shouted Hurricane! She escaped to. Now it was the blondes turn. She had no last words. The executer said Ready...Aim.. ... the blonde had learned and said Fire!