PONDERISMS (a funni email i received,some true stuff)

PONDERISMS

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
then what is baby oil made from?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

hehehe i love these.
x Dannie x

lol. Baby oil is SO made of babies... I've been trying to convince my English Prof of that all year, but she just wont listen to me...

*sigh*

The beliefs of the ignorant...

(lol)

DBM

Lmao!!
These were awesome!

right if corn oil is made of corn, vegatable oil is made of vegetables and baby oil is made from babies....... then i'd swear on all that is holy that extra vigin olive oil is made from extra son's n daughters of this mysterious "Olive" woman who nobody would take to bed!!!

wow i was like really depressed until i read this now i don't think i'll be able to stop laughing all day.

hmm.....i never thought about the glue one before .

LOL....My favorite one was the baby oil.