Engagement

My best friend is engaged at 14.

I love her and i'm happy for her, but I don't think it's going to last. I don't know how to tell her that she's too young without sounding like a total bitch. He's cheated on her before and I wouldn't be surprised if it happens again. Not to mention that he's a senior, while she's still a freshmen. She's supposedly still a virgen though...

But I wont know what to say or do when everything collapses. She'll be so heartbroken. She's been spending more and more time with him. He goes to a different school, yet she sees him everyday afterwords. I'm afraid that she'll be so close to him that she wont know what to do without him.

Her mom knows she's engaged and is totally happy for her...(her mom was engaged at the same age) I'm happy for her too...I'm worried about the whole thing though. I don't want to cause a rift in our friendship, but-

Actually...I don't know what I want anymore...I want her to be happy, but this happiness is so insecure and I don't know whether I should tell her about my worries or not say anything at all.

Well for one, she is lucky to have a friend who cares as much as you do. I think you shold mention something about it to her so that at least the thought is in her head. and continue to say in touch. don't let her get so wrapped up in him that she forgets about you. and if he does break her heart, just be the person who's shoulder she can cry on. Just be there for her whatever it takes.

Her life

If it falls to pieces, be the friend you are showing yourself to be and help pick them up.

Otherwise, you can't do anything but hope.

i was engaged i'm 14 but my fiance died heres the thing alot of people didn't aprove of my age but they did aprove of him it was hard and i loved him and still do love him to death just show her some support she will need it best wishes to you and your friend

I was engaged before..He asked me to marry him the day of my 15th birthday(not too long ago) & we broke up like 4 months afterwards. It was really hard for me..but my friends were there for me & helped me through it. So my advice is if anything does happen to them, just be there for her. cause you'll be the only person that she'll have. & she will really need you. i know i wouldn't have gotten through it if it werent for my friends.
But Good luck & i hope that everything works out.

actually... i got engaged 3 days after my 16th birthday... he wanted to ask me to marry him on my birthday, but he was away on family trip...

i'm not sure if we'd last that long.. .i really hope so... i mean.. my fiance and i have our arguements... but we can work out most of them... as for your friend though... it really depends if she knows what she wants, if she really loves him, and if he really loves her...

i mean.. everyone is a bit different in terms of maturity... my fiance is 18, but he acts and almost lives a life of more like a 28 year old... i may not act or live a life of an average person who is 10 years oldere than i am, but I know what I want, I may not be the most mature 16 year old oon earth, but maybe, some things in my child hood, and his, have made us more mature than others.

i guess you should be worried, only our best friends kno wthat we're engaged, and he has to go to Europe for university in a few months anyways... so.. maybe we won't last... but theres still hope... and when someone really likes or loves someone, they will hope for things that may seem almost impossible... but if anything does happen to your friend, she would probably want a really good friend around.

i guess.. if you do tell her.. it can kind of help you see, if you told her your worries and she gets pissed off, she most likely isn't ready to be engaged if she can't even understand a simple thing that you care for her... but then again... if you think she can't handle it, then don't because it might weaken your friendship with her...

but when you love someone, your happiness is often related to theirs... it might be unstable, but there isn't any other kind of happiness that can replace it... fights may make her sad, but at the same time even during fights, theres a bit of happiness, because its not always about being happy, its about going through ups and downs together, eventually finding happiness once again when all seems to be dark... and unfortunately, i learned that the hard way.

-kelsie

Steer them in the right direction, but ultimately they choose where they want to go.

Kalika

As tough as this sounds i think you've got to let her make her own mistakes and then be there for her when or if they go wrong. I know you don't want her to hurt or be unhappy or anything, but shes not going to listen to you if you mention how this engagement could result in disaster. If anything she'l think you're jealous of her happiness or of him.

You should try to tell her politely the right thing to do. Just say something like "Are you sure this is what you want to do?" or something like that to start it off, and if she opens up that she's scared or she doesn't, you have to be the one providing advice.

If she does marry him, and if things become a mess, you have to be a shoulder for help regardless of if you gave advice before.

^ You're engaged at the age of thirteen?

Kalika

I find this funny - cute and innocent but funny

Dont say anything to your friend jsut be supportive and let her learn the hard way

Goodness what ever happened to dating???

wow..you are really a good friend...and i know you are extremely worried for her...why dont you talk to her for a while...

My girlfriend is 15 and im gonna ask her to marry me, shes a freshman and im a senior, we both love each other so much and i know she loves me alot because she is still with me even though her mom has forbbiden her from having any kind contact with me and she still does. Im gonna ask her this saturday i already have everything im going to ask her memorized. Even though it would be illegal for us to be married cuz were both girls, but its the purpose of wanting to be together forever that counts.

She's 14...THAT is enough said. I can't doubt one being in love at a young age. I was at 15 but I wouldn't have had any one telling me they wanted to marry me at 14...NO NO NO - and the fact that her mother is HAPPY is a damn shame. She needs to be slappyed!!

So did this BOY buy her a ring? A diamond? How the hell did he pay for it? Who in their right mind would be happy for an engaged 14 year old?

^ You make me chuckle.

You're her friend and it's natural for you to feel worried. Just let her go and feel happy for her, if things "fall apart" be there for her, and comfort her. It is her life, and it's her mistakes. Just make sure your there for her in the end.

Natalie84 - It wasn't to long ago women were getting married at 14 and 15...and in some societies today they still do...

people can get married at that young of an age today? KEWL! lol.. but daym.. 14 aint that too young to get married? wont be suprised if they get a divorce..

well.. i guess sometimes being engaged isn't all that a good thing... same with being in love probably before 18...
my boyfriend and I broke up... which.. does hurt... after we got engaged... I thought he would always be there for me and tell me everything... it really didn't bring us too much closer.. but it did a little bit.. and gave us a few nights where we talked all night...

(sigh) what love does to people.. or for some other people.... what seems to be love... but I think.. we never know that we love someone until we lose them... I knew that I love my boyfriend long ago because it isn't the first time I lost him...

sometimes.. i get tired of people using the word love... its completely underrated... my friend just broke up with her boyfriend also.. who she 'loved'... similar problems as me and my ex... but... she is actually pretty happy... jsut becareful of the word 'love'... because sometimes people don't always mean it, and it might not be love...
though... I don't think he loves me too much because he should know i don't want him to drink.. yet he still is...

-kelsie

14, ha, yeah right. I'm sorry but I think that is probably just puppy love. It will past.

14, ha, yeah right. I'm sorry but I think that is probably just puppy love. It will past.

My friend Dani recieved a promise ring from her b/f and what do you know, they're 14 as well. At 14, you shouldn't have the future planned completely. Having hopes and dreams is one thing, but actually saying you're going to marry someone, wow. I highly doubt it's going to last. ^Wow Bob, that has got to be rough. I don't understand people. At 14, you think you're "in love" and wind up heart broken. It's so dramatic...oi..

i guess it depends on people... but I guess this might traumatize some people... I mean.. love itself does traumatize people... if it is really love that is.. but engagement.. is an entirely different kind of trauma if you do break up...

right now, I can't accept... or deny the break up... but think about it... If i was 26, and not 16... I might not even have a place to go live at if we shared a home... and a promise ring.. well.. actually... I have one too... it does really feel great when you know someone loves you.. or if they don't they are able to make you feel loved... that you're there everything... and they want to be with you forever... unfortunately, a lot of the times, they will realize they don't actually love you...

as for trying to focus on other things from... 12-15.. or whatever... again... I would like to say it depends on the people... but I do agree that 12 or 13 is a bit too young.. but sometimes, some people are a lot more mature than others, they know what they want, know what they need to do...

-kelsie

Thankyou Bob

Its a cultural thing that western women see this age as too young...and your right again Bob its because these women are miles behind in the maturity stakes of the cultures where there women (yes they are considered as women) get married at such young ages...

I have girlfriends who were married at 14 - 18 and they are still happily with there spouses...

um... lol...
i guess... for us who have a choice.. we should be happy... because in some places still, some do not have a choice. Some women get married off or have arranged marraiges... which normally, the guys don't even like the women and end up just abusing them.

-kelsie

Kelsie....you obviously dont know a great deal about arranged marriages LoL

There not forced, they are required to be consensual...

And whos to say these girls dont wanted to get married for what ever there reasons are?

Where is your evidence that all arranged marriages end in abuse? Because my experience strongly holds case for the opposite argument. The reason such marriages are arranged is because amongst the families, there is mutual knowledge and respect, with consent of both the potential husband and wife.

Im pretty sure more "love" marriages end in divorce than cultural arranged marriages and Im also pretty sure the statistics prove me write - look at the Western divorce stats?

Its a cultural practice I am closely involved in and educated on...can you say the same Kelsie?

ENGAGED??????? :o :o

what wow she is wayyyyy to young and you need to tell her .... cuz he will play her ass....

and since he already has. it is your duty to tell her help her be there for her...

sure shell hate you at first maybe not even believe you but you need to make her see what he is doing!!!!

good luck

nuff respect!!!

I say, let her know your concerns. Tell her how happy you are for her, but you care about her so much that you don't want her to get hurt. Make sure she understands that you don't want to upset her and that you really are happy for her. All you can do is be sure she understands what it means to be married; its one thing to be engaged, its a COMPLETELY different one to be married.