Do you think i should go back plz help

Right ok, I was brought up by my granda i didnt know hu my mam an dad were at all, wen my granda died which i still feel guilt for to this day *i've wrote a poem about this if u wanna check it out* its called ''granda austin RIP'' my mam had to quit her job to look after me she started shouting at me an mentally abusing me calling me worthless and stuf, this caused me great problems and i used to sit at skool pulling out my hair and started serious self harming, i went to a psychiatrist hu helped me out loads and mam stopped the mental abuse for a while but, a few weeks ago it started all over again, the psychiatrist sed i shud go bak if i ever feel like i do now agen, but i dnt wanna take anti-depressants anymore i dnt want to hav hour sessions of tlking, i dnt want to be treated ''specially'' agen, i am not a ''special'' person please help me wot shud i do?????????????

Thank you very much for your help, and i am gonna give it another go, i thought about it loads and it is the best thing for me to do, this sucks so much. My mam just pretends nothings happening.... i really hope that you are alright, and that we both get through what we're going through, thnk u very much agen

Love, Peace and Empathy