Divorced Parents, Anyone?

I did this big Research Essay in my English class and have just finished the rough draft. I did it on, "How Divorce Affects Children." Or even adolescents. But some of the studies and percent rates really stunned me. I am a child of divorce, and now I find out that some of my problems today are a result of my parents being divorced. Here are some facts that might make you surprised.

"1 million American children go through divorce each year."

“Almost 50% of households with children move into poverty following divorce”

“15 years after the divorce, 80 percent of divorced mothers and 50 percent of divorced fathers felt that the divorce was good for them, only 10 percent of the children felt positive about it”

“Divorce has a greater effect on the household income of the custodial parent than the Great Depression had on the American Economy”

Anyway, to the point. Are your parents divorced? If they are, do you think some of your emotional or income probems are a result of your parents being divorced? Or what is your opinion on this? Just to get a discussion going.

I'm so curious. Because I know that alot of my problems today are because of my parents Divorce. I went through Joint Custody, which I THINK is the worst custodial arrangement in the world because you're pretty much torn in two. But my Dad kicked me out of the house last year (Long story, but not my fault) and now I'm living with my Mom solely.

heya, im was 16 in November. My parents seperated when i was a baby, and it never really bothered me until the actions of my stepfather started to make me wonder where my real dad was and ask questions about him.
Anyway to cut a long story short i saw him occasionally but lived with mum and stepdad. when i was 13 i started to selfharm because i felt so angry at my stepdad, and at my mum and dad for not staying together and never letting me see my Dad. From there i went to a counsellor and shit, and she told me the route of the problem was the issues i felt with my family, especially my dad. I still self harm now, and it sucks. but i guess its cause of him,:(

Yeah. I see your point. Though, I hardly hear a story that the parents actually stay together because of the child. Mostly in all the studies the parents said they thought it wouldn't affect the child the way it did.

I only think Divorce should happen if its a horrible scenario, with abuse or stuff like that.

Parents can easily go to a Counselor or something and get things straightened out and just One of a Few fights having a result in Divorce.

I'm 14 and my parents divorced when I was 4. Then I have had Joint Custody until October of last year and thats when my Dad kicked me out.

Child Support is a horrible topic though.

Anyway, its sad how Divorce affects children.

People are getting married real young nowadays and it dosn't end up with a happy ever after.

I thought my parents were goping to break..But it all worked out.

My sister though got married young and had a divorce.

I do think my parents divorce really hurt me alot. I don't think they know I remember when It happend, but I do remember every detail. I remember trying to comfort my baby sister, who would always cry when our parents yelled. I remember my dad moving out, and me pleading with him not to leave, even clinging to his leg and trying to block the door. I remember my dad deciding to move back in and the wonderful stupid hope that we might be a real family. I also remember the sadness I felt when he moved back out again. I remember getting mad at my friend in kindergarden for complaining about her dad when I would give anything just to be able to see mine everyday. Now I have to deal with my dads new girlfriend and the pain he always brings when he can't come to my softball game or concert, because he's with her. However, I do think it's alot better having him not here all the time because I don't miss the yelling at all. It's just hard not having a reliable dad all the time.

Parents getting a divorce is always going to be hard for the kids. It still hurts me. But then if you think of it.. If your parents stayed together.. When they wern't in love.. It would be even harder for the family to cope and get along..and so forth.

The only thing i hate with parents separating.. Is that sometimes one of the parent trys to be better then the other.. or bad mouths them. My mother does it to my father alot. And she doesn't realise how much she hurts me when i make a mistake..and then she starts saying things like, "You're just like your father, Pathetic" And yeah..

But I'm glad I live with my dad. His a great guy. My friend love him, Not in that way though tehe. They just think his a real laid back dad. They've always said they'd love to have him as there dad. But yeah. I'll stop rambling on now lol

`natalie xx

Hi all, I was about 3 or 4 years old when my parents divorced and from there on my life was a big steaming pile of crap. After awhile I got better but it was still real hard for the family because my mom always asked if she was doing things better then him and my dad was asking if he was doing things better then her. My brothers were torn in two, while I, being the peace keeper I just happened to be tried to keep peace between my brothers, my mom, and my dad. It got easier after most of my brothers moved out, and I stopped trying to keep the peace with my mom and my dad, I mean let's face it you can only keep a fire suppressed for so long. So there is my two cents take care.

Well, I'm 27 years old and my parents divorced when I was 7. However, the relationship didn't end there, they kept getting back together and splitting up again, off and on until I was a teenager.
Luckily, I was able to live with my Grandma and Aunt full time and just visited my parents on the weekends. Which was quite heartbreaking....
But I think if I'd been directly in that environment it would've really scarred me emotionally. I was subjected to it a little, but in small quantities...not the full blown emotional breakdown of a marriage and the off and on again crap.

I got married when I was 21 and 6 months later we separated and eventually divorced. I don't think that my failed marriage had anything to do with being the child of divorced parents. I just married a monogomously challenged jackass...lol!

Great discussion btw...

Those are all sad stories. Sorry all.

Yeah... I forget which one of you mentioned this, but the other parents are always talking about the other one. Like forever my Mom would ask what my father was up to, and say bad things about him constantly. And my Father would do the same.

Did any of your parents bribe you to stay with them? My Dad bribed me with a pony when I was younger to pick him in Court.

Oh, yeah, have any of you been to court? Like having to choose or anything? I have. It was horrible.

I had to deal with my Aunt talking about my Mom quite a bit. It was the hardest thing to deal with. My Grandma would make her shut up most of the time, but she wasn't always around.

Never had to go to court. That's one thing my parents did was decide the custody thing amongst themselves....I did have to go talk to my Dad's attorney once, but it was no big deal.

Woh there are loads of sad stories on here... My parents divorced when I was about 3 I think, but they were splitting up probably from the moment I was born - I'm now 12.

I live with my mum, stepdad and sister, and my sister and I go and see my dad every half term... Well we did until christmas, when he sorta kicked us out on boxing day... Long story...

I don't wish my parents were still together for two reasons. Firstly because as much as much as I love my dad deep down, I couldn't stand living with him and secondly I think it's better this way than if they were living together and gradually killing each other.

I guess it all happened a long time ago, but I do think I've been affected by it a lot, but I am getting to come to terms with everything and understand why it all happened... I know there are a lot of people out there with a lot worse stories than mine, and I am very sympathetic for you...

- Polly x

I deffinetly agree with the fact that a divorce messes up your mind, I know for sure that all the problems I have gone through/ am going through are linked to the divorce, I have always had more with my father than with my mother, this may sounds unfair at first but every one has it, you love them both but you just connect better with one than the other, when I was 8 years old my parents got divorced, I stayd with my mom..
After a while my mom started treating me differently.. I got lonely in my own house, she started giving my sisters and my little brother more and different attention as she gave me, like a year ago I found out that she sayd to a friend of her: I can't like her because she is so much like the man I hate (my father, we really look a like in everything.. ) she can't do anything right because everything reminds me of him.. I got into a depression.. I didn't saw my father a lot because he lived far away, my mother kept pushing me to get high grades in school.. I started cutting to forget all the pressure that was on my shoulders by trying to convince my mother that I wasn't like him.. therapy followed.. In the end I couldn't take it anymore, I packed my stuff and moved in with my dad, for many years I was hated because of a mistake my dad made which caused there divorce..

my parents got divorced when i was 3 and my brother was 5. my brother has Down Syndrome so that took a lot of there marrige and threw it away. they fought a lot and my mom left my daddy while he was at work. i hate her for that but now she's kicked me out and i live with my daddy...now i'm as happy as can be. i still rarely ever see my dad becuz he's a cop and he works all the time but i still love being at his house because it keeps me away from the misery @ my moms w./ her new b/f and my brother's disablity. i love my brother with all my heart but its really hard to live with him. my mom ignores me when i do stop over there. and i was always the problem child. and she thought that divorce would save her but she lost everything she loved...

No! My father and mother love each other.

My parents divorced when i was 4. i suppose i was too young to really understand much, but i'm glad they split up because my dad was an awful parent, and i really really dread to think how me and my bro and sister would have turned out if we had had to grow up with him. sucide probably. but we live with my mum and we've always been happy enough. ofcourse it's been hard financially, because when my mum had children she had to give up a really good career. she tried so hard to save the marriage, several times, but it just didn't work.
the only thing i worry about now is the fact that im the youngest, and leaving for uni next year, so there will be nobody at home with my mum, as with working and bringing up a family, she hasnt met anyone new. i dread the day i have to move out and leave her alone...

My parents divorced when I was 7.

my parents seperated about a year ago but i wouldn't say any of my problems are because of it or anything

I went through Court. All that I said to my Counselor, etc, was suppose to be confidential, but it wasn't in the end. My Counselor sent copies of ALL that I said to my Mom, and Dad, right before the Court Case. So, my Dad seeing he would have lost, dropped the case. But pretty much, I HATE the court system. When I was younger, my Dad abused me, and the Court let it go. The Court let so many things slide... especially with these cases of Divorce that I went through. Its ridiclious.

"That is great, you guys. Seriously. So many people are so wrapped up in themselves and say "Well they HAVE to be together".
No..they don't. "

Yes, I somewhat agree. They don't have to be together, but parents need to THINK about what they are doing. Most give up on a fight about financial problems, leading in divorce, but they never think about the child. Some do, I'm not saying all think that way, but don't you think Parents should put more time into the Relationship? Like if they got in numerous fights, they should go into counseling... not thinking its the end of the relationship.

What I'm trying to prove with my Essay, which is due wedensday, is that Divorce doesn't have to be the answer. Our society DOESN'T need to put children in the middle, cause them pain, and put them in more pain when they grow up. It doesn't NEED to happen, but somehow we choose it. If Parents were more careful, like not getting pregnant to early in the relationship, or even giving up on a fight.

It shouldn't be the way it is in America. We actually HAVE the freedom to marry whoever we want in our country, but we are using this privlidge over extent. Divorcing, Re-marrying, thinking its no big deal because we DO get another chance. But sometimes Children don't get that second chance growing up and are put into extensive hurtful experiences.

What happened to wedding Vows? And all that Jazz.

Its all gone.

I'm 18. My parent's have been on the rocks since I was 9. They've argued about it, my dad has moved out a couple of times, and my mum has taken us to stay with her sister a few times. They are currently still together, but once again, they're talking about divorce.

For the majority of my life, my parents have been living together, but I do honestly think it would have been easier if they cut their losses years ago. My 16 year old brother and I don't get on with dad. I never speak to him if I can avoid it. And now my 8 year old brother has lost respect for him too. We've all grown up in a difficult home, and in some ways, I think it's fair to say it's been harder than if they were to divorce. We've been pulled backwards and forwards, sent to stay with various people, and even got dragged to a new county so they could "start anew", which funnily enough, didn't work.

So my point is this: Divorce is sometimes the better option. Staying in a loveless marriage can affect the children just as much, if not more, than divorce will. Children need love, comfort and happiness. Will they have that if their parents spend half their time arguing with each other?

my pearnts were never realy married but it affected me the same. my pearnts started to actualy fighting when i was around 6 or 7 and im 14 now. they just down right started to hate each other. i was stuck in the middle and so were my siblings. now we all live im differnt places none of wich are with my pearnts. it seems as if they dont care, my mom abandoned me for a year instead of setling thisgs with my dad peacefuly. i think all of my family would have been better off if they just seperated earlyer when things started to get bad. now i dont see my family and have to live with strangers.. getting seperated earlyer would have been the better choice in my opinion, sure it would hurt but it would have hurt way less..

My Parents divorced when I was about 7. and 2 years later my mom passed away. Kids go through so much during the stages of divorce and even after its all solved. And when you are at a young age you dont know what to do. If you are suffering through custody laws, its even weorse. Parents will use there kids and we get so confused we dont know who to trust we hate one parent cause they are trying to help us but we feel they are taking us away from another parent. Or you are always moving from one house to another, or you are wondering where one of your parents went, or why they are always fighting. It causes to much truama and the statistics are insane.

I am 16, my parents divorced when I was 2. It didn't really bother me until I got an abusive step-dad. I always used to see my dad every other weekend but I havn't seen him for almost 4 years. He moved away and now he lives with a whore... at least in my opinion she is. I live with my Granny because me and my mom don't really get along. I am usually the one who gets ignored because I am the middle child in a family of 8. But I have friends and they have helped me through a lot of this stuff. I came to realize that my dad is missing out on us, so i'm not really all that concerned.
The point is it is thier fault, and you had nothing to do with it.
Love,
*Laura*

My parents spilt up in November of 2005, on their wedding Anniversary..

I took it the hardest I think..but all is good, it's now May and thay are back together again. And everything is so perfect, and happy again..

And as Laura siad, you don't have anything to do with it, just keep your head up..and I hope things get better.

Akina♥

My parents haven't been together for as long as I can remember..I think I was about 2 or younger when they got a divorce. It hasn't really affected me that much since I have lived my whole life without them together and I still get to see him and stuff. I'm glad that they got a divorce actually, they never got along according to my brothers and I'm glad that I didn't have to grow up in that.