Teen mother anyone?

I feel so alone right now. I'm only a month gone, but i just found out. I've been reading poems on abortion, and i just don't think i can do it...i have nobody to talk to cause my bf wants me to get an abortion- he says were forever and we'll get a chance later in life to have a child...but i don't believe him. He's already betrayed me enough times for me to have my doubts. I'm going to be completely alone if i have it...and i'm going to completely regret it if i don't...not to mention my dad would kill me. I'm only almost 17.

Please, anyone, i'm so scared i'm going to do the wrong thing for me and do what my boyfriend wants just to please him and keep him a bit longer...how do i know what is right for me? How do i do this on my own?

J xox

You're forgetting a third option. You can always HAVE the baby and put it up for adoption.

Like my health teacher said before, if you're too young to make a decision like this, too young to handle it emotionally, mentally, or financially, you shouldn't even be having sex. A baby is a consequence of sex and you're going to have to deal with it whether or not it does turn out to be an abortion, adoption, or keeping it. You can't just make the problem go away.

The baby is You and Your boyfriend's creation, or so I'm assuming. So you and your boyfriend are going to have to TALK to each other and discuss these options. Go see a doctor and they'll give you a bit more information about them.

It's a part of life...

And that line your boyfriend fed you...that makes absolutely NO sense to me. If your relationship is forever, why is he so eager to have it killed now? Possibly because he doesn't WANT to have that baby? And if you did, what if he DID leave you?

You can't make people do things, and you can't make people love you. One day, he COULD leave you and it'd be entirely HIS decision. Or you may even leave him, but either way, what your decision IS, it can't be for him.

It has to be for you and the baby.

Don't kill it if you're afraid.
Don't keep it if you can't take it.

But if ONE good thing can come out of this, a family who can't have a child, if they could have YOURS...that life could be saved.

And like I said, this decision is for you and your baby. Not your dad.

Good luck. Email me if you need anything.
♥

Sierra

I agree with Sierra. In my opion killing the baby isnt the right answer. You have to remeber the baby is a person too and its killing a innocent life over your not using protection. There is adoption like she said, and there are different types of it..open and closed adoption. Open is when you are able to see your baby and the family sends pictures and you can watch your baby grow up, or closed is when you have no contact with your baby and its parents. Just keep that in mind, alot of girls in my school are putting there baby up for adoption. I think its the best for a teenager that is young and still in school.

Dont worry about your dad, its not his desion.

If you need any more help they have those teen pregancy hotlines that are toll free to call so your dad will not find out. but sooner or later you need to tell him.

If you need anything esle email me!

Julie~

"if you're too young to make a decision like this, too young to handle it emotionally, mentally, or financially, you shouldn't even be having sex"

Do you really think that's going to make her feel any better?

Don't listen to them or your boyfriend. This is YOUR choice and no one elses. You should probably choose sooner rather than later, because after awile you can't get an abortion if that is what you decide. Like said, you can also put the baby up for adoption. Or keep it if that is what you think is right. It's a hard choice, I know. Feel free to private Message me if you need to talk.

Never have an abortion because someone wants you to. That baby is innocent and if the father says you two are forever then he wouldn't just want that baby gone and over with.

But it doesn't mean the end of your dreams either. Dreams change, we know that, they change everyday. Having an abortion, giving the baby for adoption, raising the child. They all involved emotional consequences. One way is not easier than the other.

If you think about it, this boyfriend isn't going to stick around for long, and the love wont be there for ever.
I think it seems as though you want this child, which will love you for the rest of your life, something I feel is more worthy.

Lorraine-

For one thing, I cannot for the life of me understand how that was offensive in ANY way, but apparently you saw something, and its for THAT I apologize. But anything other than that, it is still the truth. If you can't DEAL with it, why put yourself in that position? It's ridiculous! And like Angelina said, it's not necessarily ABOUT making her feel better. I was giving ADVICE and you can feel free to feed her your opinions, and I will do the same.

Have a nice day. To the poster, if you do a little research on each option, maybe it'll make things easier. But whatever you do decide to do, let it be for yourself and not for someone else. And be sure that that's what you want. Of course...you're not really going to like any of them, I'm guessing...but make sure its the one you like above them all.

Really. I'm wishing you the best.

I didn't think it was offensive. Just a little too late. Kind of like yelling at the person who cried over spilled milk....I think. Any way I don't want to start a war, so I'm not going to say any more.

let me state this, i'm in jeapordy of being a teen father right now. it is YOUR decision. personally i was going to push for an abortion on my g/f, but i decided that it's MURDER. ever since i've been born i've thought that i wouldn't be able to live if i murdered someone, and an abortion is murder. you'll have to deal with that sin in the after life and yo'ull be haunted for the rest of your life. my suggestion, have the baby then put it up for adoption because it's bettrer hope it helps

omg, wow. Thats more advice then i expected, and thanks to all of you that shared your opinions! It really means alot to me.

I have thought about adoption, but i just don't think i can have the child, and just hand it over to another family...i don't know if you'll understand in my saying that..but, it would be like taking away a part of me that i had grown to love..and what for what reason? I can't handle my own responsibilities?? Its not right either.

Someone said something about me facing my responsibilities, but thats exactly what i'm trying to do. The reason i didn't go for an abortion straight away is because, yes, i did make this mistake, and it is now my responsibility to deal with it the way i want to deal with it. I just wanted advice about how to find what i want. And all of you gave great advice. I'm still scared about losing my bf, but i will make this decision soley on what i want. But i am still in no way ready to tell my dad. He would be so ashamed, or dissapointed in me, and i wouldn't know how to deal with having the baby, losing my bf, and losing my dad...

Thanks Guys, so much. xox J

I'm sure your dad would support you, just elt him get used to the idea.

Your bf won't stay around. He's betrayed you in the past. He WANTS you to have an abortion. It doesn't seem like he cares about our feelings at all or that babies but does that mean the baby has to suffer. Make your choice not a choice based on losing him. Because even if you do have an abortion, I don't think your bf will stick around anyway.

I bet your dad will not turn away. And when you have the baby(if thats what you are going to do) than he will love the baby with his whole heart. My friend had to tell his parents that he got his gf pregant, it was a bit of a shock but in the end they learned to love the baby and not think of them getting pregant as a mistake because their baby was a joy to life..a gift

Abortion is wrong.

well hey look i had the same stuff and problem ur going through now plus i was 14 turnig 15 this mounth well my man was only 17 and we were having sex i was having alot of problems in the life and i was scare to be a mother at a young age but i was think to my self why a my going to kill a baby for wat i did if my mom and dad try to kill me even they going to get useto the baby is my baby i wouldnt ever kill a baby if ur man want u to kill the baby he dont care about u he just trying to get more from u i thougth i was okey but he told me the same thing the ur man is telling u when i told him i was not going to kill the baby he said bye and know he messing with my cousin just telling u dont waste ur time if u kill the baby i llike taking something in ur heart oway if u need to talk write to and if u need help am hear girl am not a mom cuz the guy who made love to me told his cousin to jump me and i lost my baby who was 5 mounth

I just want to say I'm know wut you're going through! I was in the same situation nearly 6 years ago. Like many of the other posters have said, it is totally your decision and nobody - not even your boyfriend - has a right to push you into something. The best way to start is to eliminate options you would never ever do - in my case it was abortion. I was stuck with putting the baby up for adoption or keeping it. Remember, if you don't choose abortion you have 9 months to think about what you are going to do. You don't have to make a decision right away. You can take time and think about it. It took me alot of time to search my soul but I eventually came to terms with everything and decided to keep my son. He's going to be 6 in just a couple of weeks and I feel that I did the right thing by keeping him. You just need to search your soul for what you feel is right and don't let your boyfriend your dad or any poster try to force you into something you don't want to do! You can send me a private message if you want to talk.

Thanks everyone. You've all been really great.

I've chosen to keep it. And my boyfriend is not going anywhere. I'm still weary of telling my dad, but as most of you have said, its my decission and he'll support me.

Thanks again for all your help! and keep up the good advice for other posters! :D

xox J

"well hey look i had the same stuff and problem ur going through now plus i was 14 turnig 15 this mounth well my man was only 17 and we were having sex i was having alot of problems in the life and i was scare to be a mother at a young age but i was think to my self why a my going to kill a baby for wat i did if my mom and dad try to kill me even they going to get useto the baby is my baby i wouldnt ever kill a baby if ur man want u to kill the baby he dont care about u he just trying to get more from u i thougth i was okey but he told me the same thing the ur man is telling u when i told him i was not going to kill the baby he said bye and know he messing with my cousin just telling u dont waste ur time if u kill the baby i llike taking something in ur heart oway if u need to talk write to and if u need help am hear girl am not a mom cuz the guy who made love to me told his cousin to jump me and i lost my baby who was 5 mounth"

Wow. From what I COULD read, *not very much*, that's sad. However,...you didn't use ONE period in that extremely long sentence. It was like...a run-on that kept on running-on! Wow. I had to say that because that's the first time in ages my jaw has dropped so low.

And to the poster...

You're welcome. XD

I agree with Justin. Abortion is VERY wrong. Please do not take my following advice as an offence, I am only doing this out of what I and possibly several other people here believe.

If you don't want a child when at the age of perhaps, 15, then why get yourself into situations that have such consequences? The blame doesn't go to who drags you to bed or if you are 'drunk'. The blame goes straight on you, and that’s because it is your lack of responsibility. Girls, you need to realize that sooner or later YOU will be running your lives. Not your parents, not your partners; but you. So, if you are in a situation such as this, do not worry yourself. Just know that you could have avoided it (unless you really did want a child at 15), and good luck to you. And for those who are likely to take such actions. Think.

I just turned 18 and had a son myself...and i was in the same situation myself...my ex boyfriend wanted me to get an abortion...and i just couldn do it...im a single mom...doin it on my own...you shouldn be with him....its his responsibility and if he can do the damn thing...then he should be a man and do the damn thing and take care of his child...it is hard at times...and tiring but i wouldn trade my son for the world...think about your decision and think hard...you dont want to do something you oneday may regret...if you need someone to ever talk to about it...my email is
kharismav@yahoo.com
ive been through it all...and i can be as helpful as possible...im here if you need to talk...

Kharisma*~

abortion is wrong yes...
however lets see from a different prespective.
lets say you're raped and you get pregent.
do you really want to live through the next 9 months looking down at your stomach and how that person ruined your life? i doubt it.
then again adoption is another choice to..only for this situation. i dont mean to sound heartless. i just like looking at both sides before i state my opiuon.

I was going to suggest that as soon as you mentioned, "do you really want to live through the next 9 months looking down at your stomach and how that person ruined your life?".

Guys, my bf only wanted me to get an abortion because he already has a son. a 1yr old, and he's only 3 months older then me. His parents really didn't support him much the first time and he's really scared they wouldn't support him this time. I don't want him to get flack for just "asking" me to get an abortion, when he did have a legible excuse for his reasons. Yet i have spoken to him about why he went through with having the first child, and why he's doubting his capabilities as a father, and he's more supporting me now. I just wish there was something more i could do to help him. But, he knows abortion isn't it.

I'm also worried about showing at school...what are your views on pregnant teens at schools? Do you reakon they get alot of shit from people? I have an awsome group of friends that i know will be there for me and support me..but its the older ones i'm worried about if you get what i'm saying.

xox J

Jay pregnancy is common at my school. Two people in my class have babies and the babies fathers are also in my class. It doesn't bother me or people I know.

Its ok im 8 weeks along and im 15 i have not told my mom yet i dont konw what to do but it will be ok....Bur15

Hey be strong and make the decision that is right for you and your child. I was a teen mum and have two boys now I would be happy to share my experience with you more privately if you want to email me thru my profile :o)

Okay what i have to say about this is please do not abort. Its not the way to go. I think you should just have it and see what you want to do from there. I agree with the OPEN adoption thing because if you choose the closed just think about when your kid is grown up and is all messed up inside because they are wondering why there parents did not want any thing to do with him or her. I was three months pregnate and i wanted to have the baby and keep it but i miscarried in the girls bathroom at school. I was so upset but then again i was kind of okay because i did not have to mess up my life. but hey girl do what you want. Its just what i think you should do. YOu are your own person and good luck hun.

the best advice, your not alone. this is hard say because its sad because im only sixteen. last summer i was only 15 and i lost a baby, i had a miscarriage. i mean i was three months along and didnt tell anyone but my ex-boyfriend and his mom and my grandma. it was the hardest thing i've evre been through. i was so scared because when i first found out i thought anbout abortion and adoption and then i knew when i heard the heart beat i could never do that. it was mine and i knew the chances and it was gonna be hard but its a part of you. and i had decided to keep the baby and i lost the baby. i mean i cried for days and then i had to go on depression pills i mean uts hard. but if you ever need anyone to talk to im here. because i could have used of in my time of need beleive me.
amnda trabert

hey, i actually have a lot of friends who have been through this. Where i live it isn't an uncommon thing. 3 of my best friends are pregnate, sarah is 5 months misty is 6 and michelle is 2. No one really looks down on them, and no one says ne thing. the teachers might a little, but if u cant keep ur grades up then they cant say ne thing. I also have a friend who had a kid when she was a freshman. she choose to keep it and Christopher is adorably cute. I would like to tell you to keep adoption open. Like some one already said, there is always an open adoption. You can interview the people and choose who takes your child, you get to see your kid and watch them grow up, they know your their mom, you can explain why you thought it was best to let some one adopt them. they will understand. I was adopted when i was 3 years old because my mom and dad couldn't take care of me. I am very greatfull because i can now see and understand why. they wouldn't ahve been able to give me what my adopted parents have, i still have a very close relationship with my dad, my mom i dont speak too, btu that is just something that happened because of a ferw choices she made, it has nothing to do with the fact i was adopted. plz keep all ur choices open.
~bianca~

You could always have the baby be raised by other family-adopted by them I mean.

I know, but i'd rather not look at adoption either. I'm going to raise it as best i can. and hopeully with the help of my dad. Read my latest poem "daddys little girl, and her biggest mistake" I wrote it for him tonight, because the only way i've ever been able to fully open up to him is through my poetry. I wanna know how you think he'll take it written like it is...

Thanks sooo much everyone! Lovin you muchly!

i was pregnat when i was 12.5 almost 13 i was so depressed and i stopped eating and did all these things to myself to get the pain to go away. 3-4 months later my baby died. if i would have had him/her i would have been a mommy at the age of 13 for 5 months now... you kno...i would if i really wanted...to put the baby up for adoption...then you kno if you want to keep it you can...your mind changes near the end.

good luck.
email me if you need to talk!