Funny Answering Machine Greetings

"I'm away, taking over the world with an army of crazed penguins. Leave a message, but it probably won't matter when the whole world has been enslaved by the Penguin Lord and I am elected the Penguin Goddess. Have a nice day."

"I'm not here right now, if you'd like to reach me on my cell phone, buy me a cell phone."

"I am the cookie monster's secret sidekick, and as the cookie monster's secret sidekick I am required to eat all the cookies. BRB."

"I'm an alien from outer space and I'm having sex with your eyeballs and you like it cuz you're smiling."

If you have any more add them. I'd love to see what anyone can come up with or find.

*Jayde*

' hello...................hello..................hey who is this?............... hahahahahahaha you were just talking to a machine moron!' That was mine for quite a while untill I started to get worried messages from my nanna 'Aaron?, Aaron what happened? are you all right? did you just get mugged Aaron?!!!' Bless her

"Left for 15 minutes an hour ago, and I'll be back in 2 hours!"

"Thank you for calling 911 our offices are closed because everyone is at the donut shop....."

"Greetings, this is science officer spock, currently there are no life forms avalable to take your call ...."

"You have reached the monty python silly voices preservation society ......"

"I'm sorry but the master of the house is tied up right now ...."

"Of all the answering machines in the world you had to call mine....."

"Roses are red, some willows weep, please leave your message, after the beep"

"Roses are red, violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet, and so are you
The roses have wilted, the violets are dead,
The sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head
The roses stink, sorta like sheep
But leave your name, number, and message after the beep
The roses are molding, the violets are rotten
And I might call you back, if I haven't forgotten"

"We might be in, we might be out, but leave a message and you might find out!"

"Twinkle, Twinkle little star,
bet your wondering where we are?
Well, put your mouth up to the phone
And leave us a message for when we get home.
And if you can make your message rhyme,
We'll call you back in half the time!!!!!"

Well im sure I have somemore...I'll post more later

Peace, Joe

Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable
of receiving messages My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.

This is not an answering machine-this is a
telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone,
think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling... and I'll think about returning your call.

Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I
already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my bank, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have LOTS of
money.

A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those
reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.

Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon.
If you leave a sexy message, I'll call sooner.

Hi. Now YOU say something.

Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I
don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call
back, it's you.

Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick
up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll call you back.

uhhhh i have one:
we not here
we go bye
you leave message
we reply

I did this one once, it's hilarious...

Hi, this is ________. If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number. If you want to leave your name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension 4443, then leave your name and message. If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and BEEP

This is the one I'm puttin' on mine when I get outta here:

"Hi. This is Stefhy's answering machine. What are you?''

my friends is as follows... it goes... Hello... and waits a couple seconds and then it says how are you doing today? and then if you reply it says good... then it waits then you ask it a couple ?? if ur like me when i heard it i answered him and well then he goes well hey i guess i better go and i was like what he goes bye and then finally he says glad i got to talk to you on my voice mail talk soon and i will call you back'