i feel like its gonna happen again...

well, last year all this shit happen and i was put into a hospital cuz i was gonna kill myself... and i've been doing really good since...i havent cut or felt that way and ive really be the happiest kid u could ever imagine. But resontly the doctor lowered my medication and i found out my friends mom died nad she was put into a hospital cuz she tried to kill herself and shes cutting nad shes annerexic and only weighs 80 lbs! and shes like 5'5''! thats a big deal u no! and i love her so much. And its really hard cuz she lives in hungary and i live in america (dont ask how that happened long story) but we're really close and i love her and her family so much and i dont want them to be hurting or her to be hurting. And also my brother has been running in a lot of trouble with the law. He's been arrested twice this yr for drunk driving and drug possession. And he's fighting all the time and beating his girlfriend. and i tried to stop him from doing it the other day but all that happened was he tried to punch me. But i ducked u no so i got out of the way, ANd i just have all this anger towards him and i have no way of realeasing it. I just really feel like screaming. He's jsut hurt us all so much.... He's abusive physically and amotionally and i jsut can't wait for him to leave. he's 18 and going ot college next yr so im just waiting for this summer so it can end...u no i have a lot of things to look forward too im jsut nervous that im gonna cut again... last nite i just felt it coming on and i had no way of realeazing it so i jsut ended up yelling at one of my friends and thne this guy i barely no! and i swear im not like that im all world peace anti war kid u no? so i dont no wut made me do that. but i jsut feel horrible. I have no way of helping anyone and im just so nervous that my friend is gonna do something stupid. I jsut dont want her to die. She's comign to visit on June 10th and im jsut gonna try and make her as happy as i possibly can...

THanx if anyone reads this i think it just felt good to get it all out and just u no have my thoughts slightly organized

(sorry if the sentences are run ons but plz dont ask me to fix it... i dont need ur help that bad...if u wanna to read it read it if u want to reply reply.)

Thank u all so much

If you don't want to cut, and you're tempted too..Then get rid of all things that you could cut with, or have them in your parent's bathroom..so that if you cut you'd be caught.

I can't give adivse because I would be a hipprocrat, however the fact that you had the will power, and the restraint shows you truly have overcome it. Maybe when things get shifty it's the first place you turn but you didn't give in and that's awesome, whatever you used to not cut keep that in mind.

Thanx guys I'll keep it in mind

you guys im sorry about this post, i just had to get it out there... i dont even remember what i wrote now but i do no it made me feel better and i had a much better day today i think maybe because of this... I jsut get nervous wen i feel like that because i would never want it to happen again and i felt like i had to tell someone who wouldnt get mad at me or u no care that much so i wouldnt care that much...idk do u no wut i mean? sometimes its just easier for me to talk to strangers.... but um... thanx for reading and jsut no im ok now... i no only 2 of u posted i just figured id write this so no one else posted....thanx alot