International Rules of Man

The rules that all men should live by... let me know what you think
-Nick

The International Rules of Manhood

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss' car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is
forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of
yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for
her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
Gymnastics. Ever.

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

We hope this clears up any confusion.

LMAO!! This is hilarious! Especially the difference between "guts" and "balls"...OMG!!

Oh yeah and #27 the X box for Christmas, absolutely hilarious!

Definitely have to agree with these rules *wipes a manly tear from his eye* ah the unwritten code of men, such rules to live by!

Oh and you forgot #29 Never, EVER, if there is any other option (including urinating in a sink) take the urinal situated next to another guy

Hahahaa! Nice one! I love this!

Out of all of these 1d effected me the most.. I almost went blind when I washed my eyes out with beer!

Please ammend these.. there seem to be a problem in my neighborhood.

29) There is no excuse in the Universe for a man to pluck or shave his eyebrows.

30) Under no circumstance should a man combine long hair with wearing a SET of ear-rings. God forbid he land in jail like that.

31) Men don't wear pink! End of story.

Rawr.
I didn't like the part 'bout her never bein' allowed drive the dudes car!
I love cars XD Lol.

But all in all, Rather funny :)

LOL they are hilarious someone should like put these in a book of rulesLOL

"31) Men don't wear pink! End of story."

^^ I disagree, I wear pink...big deal

Am I less of a man? No

Do I act like a girl? No

It is all personal opinion, just because a guy wears pink doesn't mean he is a girl, etc.

Peace, Joe

Sorry Mr. Stallion, my bad, let me fix it.

31) Men don't wear pink! (Except Mr. Stallion.) End of story.

:)

lmfao

"The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse",and then cry???
that's one moment i'd rather have no tears in my eyes , then i want a clear view :d

If you miss it... cry!!

Lmao.. these are hilarious!! I love the last one.. that was great!

This is classic!! and so true! Thanx for posting..lmao!

32) Never, unless feeling (a) gutsy or (b) balsy should a man attempt to speak to a woman in the throes of the dreaded PMS ... the reasons are as follows... 1) woman dont suffer from PMS, they HAVE PMS.... MEN SUFFER from it! and 2) if you do speak to woman in the throes of it be prepared for a conversation such as the following...
him "howaya hunny"
her "WHADAYA MEAN, HOWAYA!!!???"
him "nothin, erm...where are the kids"
her "I ATE THEM!!"

Love it!! Btw I think most guys look very hot in pink shirts... lol

I love number 14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue Closed

LMAOO omg... that was HILARIOUS!!!

I agree with 14 as well and 26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

32 isn't true... We do suffer, we suffer from cramps and more frequint trips to the bathroom... Guys suffer from our mood swings, complaints, and presence. Guys do often suffer a lot worse. :P