My own biggest critic.

I wasn't sure where to put this, but I suppose this is the closest category.

Well, my problem is that I've become really tough on myself. I only realised this a day or two ago, and figured it's actually a problem, and I shouldn't be so hard on myself all the time.
I get really angry with myself. I scream in the mirror everytime anything goes wrong. I'm sure other people do things like this, but I've scream so much, I end up crying like a complete stranger has called me some terrible names or something. I'll starve myself if I'm over my desired weight. It's not an eating disorder, because I will eat again, but I have this need to punish myself for putting on any weight. I actually have these strange sort of arguments in my head quite often, and have stopped myself going out and seeing friends because I've messed something up. The worst problem is how hard I am on myself when I use bad grammar. That must sound utterly ridiculous, but I feel a need to punish myself in some way if I don't life up to my standards - and bad grammar is a big no-no in my life.

I'm getting worried, because I know this isn't normal behaviour, and I can't seem to snap out of it. Unless I life up to my own expectations, which I admit, are rather high, I'll hate myself for days. Gosh, I must sound like a complete weirdo. It got to the point two days ago where I wouldn't let myself read a book I've been getting into. It's strange, but the part of my brain that needs to punish is stronger than the part that wants to fulfill my desires.

I'm sorry if I sound utterly bizarre. I just figured I should ask for some advice, because I'm wondering whether I have some strange mental disorder. Any ideas? x

sounds familiar, bur it's propably not to bad, wanting to be perfect is no illness, as long as it has no negative effect on your life it ain't to bad, living up to your own high standards may take a toll on your life, but every goal has a price,

Gotta agree ^^

You could have an eating disorder like called EDNOS which means it isnt specified.(sp)?

it sounds like you are obsessive compulsive. it's not the worst thing in the world to have because you can control it. maybe you should try to go against yourself every once in a while. it might help if you don't like being so hard on yourself

i think you should to somone professional about it... dont go on liek this if you dotn really have to

take care

XoX *~CrImSon__TeArS~*

this is serious..this is going to soon turn into an eating disorder, may it be anorexia or bulimia. this is coming from an anorexic, so take my word for it. go get professional help, a shrink/counsiler will help too so you can talk about it. but you really need to do something about this. I didnt get help when I rfirst started not eating and now look where I am. it happens when you try to control something..anything..in your life. so you control your eating, or technically your not eating, im at a place with no return and you dont want to get here...just go get help.

Thanks everyone. Maybe it is time I revisit my therapist. It's something I haven't wanted to do for a long time. Hmm.

Well thanks again.x