I don't know what's happening to me...

I don't know what just happened.... me and my mom were argueing and screaming at eachother, she raised her hand to my head and put it down just before it hit but next thing i know were on the floor hitting eachother, she had me pinned down and i kicked her really hard in the stomach and was screaming i hate you i hope you just die. then my brother grabbed me and started punching me and when i got up he knocked me back down and i hit my head on the tile really hard, then my mom grabbed me and held me down while he hit me and i finally kicked her off and ran to my room and locked the door. I just layed on my bed for a long time. I could feel the bruises getting worse and my head aching… but the scariest part is I don’t remember how it started… I don’t know if I hit her first or if she hit me. I can’t remember! I’m so scared…I don’t know what’s happening to me! To my whole family… I mean yeah this has happened before, me and my mom practically wrestled each other on my bedroom floor a few times, me and my brother.. Yeah sure plenty. My dads hit my mom a couple times.. All that never hurt as bad as the screaming and nasty words being said, and now there coming out of my on mouth! I’m no better then them! I hate this place I don’t know how to make any of this stop… I think I’m going crazy, I always just figured God picked the wrong family for me or something but now I fit right in! I don’t want this… It’s not my family I don’t belong in I don’t belong at all! Maybe I was just born that way.. My mom keeps trying to convince me that I was like that when I was little, that I even hit my preschool teacher once, and that she had to take me to counseling cause I had control issues. I didn’t want to believe her but maybe it’s true! Maybe I’m just a terrible person…
I haven’t been here on this site in a long time… but for some reason just now when I needed to let all this out and didn’t know who to go too..I remembered all the people on this site and how I miss being here.

That is abuse... You need to tell someone.. You need to get out. You wont be able to live like that much more. Get out NOW! Before it gets wayyyyyyyy outta hand which it allready has

As hard as it may be..I would have to agree with the above post..

I mean, my Mum and I agrue alot, and she even raised her hand at me once, and I hit her.. BUT that was once, and we never faught like that after.

Her and I are really close now..
But in your case that's not cool..You should call someone tell somebody, just do something...

i agree with the said above. you might want to try telling a teacher or something first they would probably be the best people that could help right now. you don't want to turn into your mom and your brother so you need to get out of this situation fast

The reason your brother fights with you, is because he is protecting his mom. Your family is definitely disfunctional at this point.

I agree with the people above, it is indeed abuse. But what you need to try and do first, before anything else, is talk to your mom. Easier said than done, but it's the best thing for this situation. If you called the police or ran away, it will tear the family apart for good. Don't make hasty decisions without thinking them through. It takes more courage to talk to your mom, than to run away. Face the problem, don't run from it.

Once you talk to your mom, then you can make your next move.

If you need someone to talk to, or to give advice, just send me a private message. I'll be happy to help.

^^ I agree with that

Your brother does it too? See even if it was just your mum, that is still not acceptable. but you're BROTHER joining in your argument andbeating you? That is abuse. And they are coming out of you own mouth because that is how you have been treated, and it's no wonder you are repeating it.

Oh dear, is your behaviour up to scratch or are there reasons for your family to be acting this way towards you.
Now im not condoning abuse in ANYWAY child abuse is wrong HOWEVER, i do remember with shame my own adolescent behaviour, the screaming arguments and physcial confrontations I would get into with my folks, I also remember believing I was 100% right and that were 200% wrong and they had NO right to be treating me in such a manner. Being a mother myself now and having done a lot of growing up in the interim I realise I was off the rails, I was the one in the wrong and my parents were actually trying to protect me from myself. I was a danger to the rest of my family putting there, and my own safety and sanity at risk...they never "abused" me. I deserved a flogging because I was out of control.

Just something to think about...

Well, if you have a history of violence, and are a teenager in this day and age, who doesn't? you probably provoked it in some way...but BUT That doesn't excuse your mom's and brother's behavior now or in the past. Jesu. Doesn't anyone in your household use words?

I don't think kids deserve flogging for out of control behavior. After all, that's one of the places we learn violent behavior. Sure, the media might play a part, but it doesn't have the same impact if violence isn't JUSTIFIED the way it is in some homes. don't blame the media. except maybe NBK. that movie is messed up.

to answer the questions in the last couple posts- yeah sure i guess they have reasons for acting that way toward me if these count, my mom has a problem with my grades, i'm not an A+ student like i used to be, and i'm sure it stresses her out not being the only one in the house with depression anymore. my dad, well we don't get along unless he's sober, and i don't see that side of him too often, I don't think he likes it that I'm not afraid anymore to say what i think about his drinking. my brother..i can't blame him..i'm sure he's torn to pieces by all this too. and that was only a part of it, yeah so maybe we are a little disfunctional...idk.
to the next post-yeah we use words, it usually doesn't get physical like that. honestly the words can hurt even more. what we can't seem to do is just talk...there's always plenty of yelling though.
and darien-I think thats really good advice, if I'm ever not so afraid to mess things up more I would. it's just when we aren't screaming at eachother and things are ok..i don't want to ruin it. and when we are-well, anything brought up turns into something worse

well. hmm. grades can always make things complicated. but expecting your kids to be perfect A+ students is a little...insane. it's hard, obviously, as parents, to see your kids have to go through the same struggles as you. and make the same mistakes, and be powerless to stop it.
yeah, your family is definitely dysfunctional. like many. unfortunately. I don't know, I tend to see it as the norm.

I would try to get closer to your brother though (are you close in age?) as you share the experience of being raised in such conditions.

yeah were only 3 years apart

yeah, that usually makes it easier. definitely good to have a brother on your side.

yeah when he is on my side... i feel bad for him though. i mean neither of us should have to choose sides. were a family.. or were supposed to be. things are so screwed up

Your being abused hun nothing but pure abuse I know how that is, my family went down like that a long, long time ago. If u want someone to talk to plz email me at bubles4u1989@yahoo.com