A Thread on Loving People

I have a theory, it goes something like this:

I think that when you love/like someone, you love/like things about them, traits that they have. I think that these traits can come in many shapes and sizes, but they belong to two general camps: traits that can change with time, and traits that can't. I feel that there are certain characteristics that truly definite a person. Some people may call them their soul, but in order to avoid spirituality, I'm just going to say that I think people have certain things about them that will remain the same all their lives. That said, there are a ton of traits that change, and those traits are usually the ones that are easily identifiable. People may be shy one year, then outgoing the next, or funny when they were young and serious when they get older.

I think that if one were to like/love a trait that doesn't change in a person, that feeling of like/love will never fade away unless under one circumstance: that all the traits that CAN change DO change in a negative way, outweighing the positive unchanging traits.

What does this have to do with anything? Sometimes people ask questions like "where does love go?" or "how can he/she not love me anymore?" or "why can't I move on?" Well, I think all those questions can start to be answered if you apply my theory to them. There are, of course, complicating factors. You may love more than one unchanging trait in a person. You may love the same unchanging trait in different people. What was the unchanging trait in one person may be a changing trait in another. Whew, that's complicated.

What do you all think of my theory? Suggested changes? Agreement?

Complicated but I can see where you were going with that...I agree.

=P

Thanks Bob. I did a lot of thinking after my girlfriend had broken up with me... too much free time.

I've attempted to reply on this thread five times since you first posted it. So, here's my reply.

Yes. I agree. I don't believe that the soul chooses who you'll love. I do think there has to be something about someone that is what you generally fall in love with. It could be many things, or maybe just one, but it's not so much the person, but the things about the person. That's why I believe you can be in love more than once, as these traits can exist in other people.
But I still think it takes a long time to fall in love, not just a couple of weeks/months, because I think you have to see every single trait the person has, good and bad, and to be able to accept, and adore each one.

And now I've confused myself slightly, which is why this has taken so long to post. I'm sure you get what I mean though.

Yes, I do get what you mean.

long, but i agree

It got confusing in parts, but i get what you're trying to convey... i agree, it sounds right... i guess time and experience is all we have to build off of

It got confusing in parts, but i get what you're trying to convey... i agree, it sounds right... i guess time and experience is all we have to build off of

Yeah...makes a bit of sense.
Okay, my theory...
Well, if you see someone attractive you will be drawn in by, say, their blue eyes and muscles and such, but while you're at it you'll see the deeper side of them, their unchanging traits... and that's when, even when the muscles go and the person doesn't look that good, you'll still be able to love them because you would have seen the real, deep, unfazeable traits--- and mostly due to the fact that you were close to them, in the first place, because of their looks.

Or am I WAY off target?

//T.L.//