How much influence can your past have on your future love life..

I have this thing that I do, every time I really care about a boy and we are close to getting something I start pushing him away because I'm afraid, I'll do anything to immediatly stop everything.. Ofcourse my feelings for him stays the same..
A long time ago my father left, I can remember that he never sayd goodbye but just left, I always had a special connection with my father, He was the ( ofcourse ) the first man that I loved and by leaving he broke my heart.. Now many years later we finally picked up the contact between us, I even moved in with him but now I started wondering, could this be the reason for the way that I react to other boys..

I'm kind of afraid that my past will haunt me forever..

Somebody advice or any experience?

I think it could be. It's like a girl who was abused by her father as a child will fall in love with a man just like him. It DOES follow you and you may be that way with boys now because without knowing it you have a fear of them leaving, as your father did.

I know that I hate when MEN yell at me...it scares me right to the core. I believe that it's because as a child my father and grandfather NEVER had to hit me, all they had to do was get loud when I was misbehaving...it's not detrimental to relationships, fortunately for ME...but it's something that I believe has followed me from my childhood.

I also have serious trust issues. I've been in a relationship for about four months now and him and I have SERIOUS issues with me and the whole TRUSTING HIM part...because of a past relationship where I was cheated on I accuse him of being unfaithful. It's weird because I KNOW he's not but I can't help but question him. The past, whether it's family related, or because of past love relationship, will ABSOLUTELY affect the future…if you let it. I'm working on changing my little problem. I think I've gotten a bit better...I've relaxed a little, I worry a little less than I did at first. When you realize it and you see it first hand you'll want to fix it!

In your case it IS detrimental to relationships and that is something you have to deal with from within. The fact that your father left has damaged relationships and in my eyes it's not worth the pain. Deal with it and let it go. Maybe letting ALL of your feelings out to your father can help.

I have a friend and he once told me that he thought that everyone should take a quick trip to a therapist sometime, regardless of whether they think they have an issue or not. He says that a good therapist can make you feel better regardless of if there is anything intensely wrong. I think that you might actually have an issue that you should talk through with a good therapist. At the very least, they'll listen. There's also a good chance that they can continue to give you good advice on how you can try to move on. That's my suggestion.

As far as experience, I know that in general the past always has an effect on what we do in the future, if not a small one, because our pasts are part of who we are. I think that by trying to move on, you can keep the past from domineering over your relationships, and that is what you should shoot for.

When I was little, I didn't know my father, and as a result of that I would subconsciously look for a fatherly figure in all of guy friends and boyfriends. It took me a while to realize what was going on and get some things straightened out.

My father was never there for me up till i turned 5. At that time he didn't care about me much, just being intimate with my mother. When i turned 10 he would abuse me for stupid reasons and tell me i was a mistake. He would also abuse my mother and i would constantly call the cops, but my mom stood up for him so the cops never believed me and told me it was not a game, and i should stop calling unless it's an emergency. One day he went too far and took the phone and i ended up being chased by him all the way to my neighbors, after he had hit me. He was arrested and the police said he had a pocket knife with him that night. Since then i have had a problem with guys doing certain thing such as, grabing me around the waist, rubbing my leg, or holding my hand. I've even had issues with sitting on their lap. I get nervous because of what my father did. Sometimes the expieriences you've gone through have an impact on the way you look at things in life.

Butterfly:

Freud, the psychoanalyst, said that our early experiences and particularly in the first 5 years of life effect us throughout life. I'm sure your father leaving had a profound effect on you and your perceptions of men per se. The chances are you will look for the trustworthy - proper trustworthy at all costs.

Take heart in the fact that there are people out there who can be trusted.

Meanwhile, get on with your exams and things and search for yourself first before carrying the weight of another.

Good luck.

I think your past can affect your future relationships definately..My dad left when i was younger about 7/8 years old and we've never had much of a relationship after that..and now i'm scared of getting close to any guy incase I get "in deep" and then they leave me. The result of this, is sometimes i can act fine, other times I get really insecure and jealous. I've explained this to my boyfriend, and although at times he finds it difficult to comprehend, he tries to support me and gives me reassurance. I'm trying to not let my past affect my present relationship but it gets to me sometimes.