My relationship with my dad

I'm going to ask for another bit of advice, as I'm not really sure where else I should ask.

When I was 15, I got into an argumentative state, and used to argue with my parents all the time. Eventually, I grew older, and the arguements stopped, but since, my dad is always playing stupid mind games, and always manages to upset me.

Well I'm 18 now, but over the years he's done some really awful things to me. He kicked my CD Player, it's been broken ever since, he's taken a of my belongings away, and although I've got them back, I've noticed some have gone missing (for example, some CDs were missing, and I found out a bit later he'd sold them on Ebay). He removed my door for a while, which was horrid. He's read both my personal diary and my live journal. Since then, I threw the diary out, and have never used one since. And he's hit me, thrown me across the room, and kicked me out of the house a couple of times.

Although he hasn't done any of the above in the past year now, it doesn't mean he's exactly nice to me. He cuts of my internet as he pleased, comes in and turns the TV over whilst I'm in the middle of watching a film, and even turns my computer of if I leave my bedroom (to get a drink, for example). He'll make really snide comments whenever my mum's not around to hear them. If I ever try to put my opinion across in any matter, he'll laugh at me. Or when I'm upset and have been crying, he'll just taunt me. I know it doesn't sound like much, but it hurts. I have deep emotional problems, which I think are because of the way my dad treats me. I can't trust people. I dislike men, and hate the idea of ever falling in love. And I get upset over the slightest little things, which people can't understand.

My mum knows everything he does, and always talks of leaving him, but she's been saying it for two years Each time she talks to a lawyer, says she wants a divorce, but then always changes her mind. It happens everytime.

I could probably deal with all this, but it doesn't help that my two brothers are treated very different. My 16 year old brother is argumentative, opinionated, rude and never listens to anyone, yet never once has a single thing been taken of him, let alone my dad told him off. And my youngest brother, who's 8, just gets lots of attention from my dad.

I don't know what to do. I can't move out for another two years (I have college, but plan to move out during uni), so I'm stuck here, and have no idea what to do about it. I can put up with it, sure, but my mental state has got worse over the past two years, and I can only imagine it'll worsen still, while I'm living under the same roof as him.

And I suppose it doesn't help that I always end up feeling guilty when I do say I hate him, because I don't, I'm just despise him.

Oh, I don't know what I need. I can't think of a possible solution.

"I always end up feeling guilty when I do say I hate him, because I don't, I'm just despise him."

Isn't that the same thing?

But anyway, I think you need to talk to your dad about how he makes you feel. Maybe he doesn't realize what he's doing to you. If that doesnt help, have a serious talk with your mom, she loves you and she should not let him treat you this way. As for the hitting and throwing you across the room that is ABUSE and you need to go to the police about it, he's your father, he's supposed to be there to protect you, not to hurt you. And please, don't be afraid of all men, just because your father's a prick shouldn't ruin your chances of finding a guy that really cares about you and maybe even falling in love.

I'm not sure what else to say, but make sure you talk to him about it.Let me know how it turns out.

Much love

--Steph

I'm not sure, but could this be classed as abuse? He has physically int he past, and he does emotionally. I would hate him too! and even though I don't know you, and cannot not judge from what I have just read, I want to hit him hard!!

Hun, everything you said here is a big deal. Don't worry, you have the right to be upset! Everything you said, is happening to my boyfriend. He is the oldest, then there is the daughter 15, and two younger sons 11, 5. The daughter gets everything as she please, and I mean everything. The 11 year old litterally gets nothing. The 5 year old is not being disciplined at all. Bad kid. Then there is my boyfriend. He gets SOOO pushed around. He is made to bring the daughter WHERE EVER, cut the grass, wake up at 5 to drive his sis, all that b/s. Even the jokes you said, and turning everything off when the dad feels like it. It is so pathetic. He even makes him babysit after work, and does not pay him. And when he does babysit, he gets in trouble for telling them no. Anyways, I get more made because he does not stand up.

I may not be in the situation, but I know exactly what I would do. Do you have a job? If yes, here is what I would do. I would put like 2/3 away for emergency money. And I would stand up, and tell him off, tell him no, all that. I am the kind of person who does not stand for that crap. But that is just my personality. Some people are just more scared of being kicked out. I prepare for things like that though. I always say EXACTLY what is on my mind. I see life as, say what you NEED and WANT to. What ever happens, happens. Life goes on. All you need to worry about, IS YOU! Don't let him let you feel like this. Either...
a) Ignore it
B) Stand up
...but never let is continue hurting you.

GOOD LUCK. I hope this helps, even if it does just a little!

gosh! you sound as if that was me posting this topic! i have the exact same problem, but i have learned to deal by putting up a wall. not to everybody, just my dad. i don't speak to him or anything. i know it sounds kinda different from the advice that ppl usually give, because most of the time people say take down the walls, but yet again, most people aren't in this situation. i find it helpful because he can't hurt me if i don't let him. if you don't let him hurt you and don't allow him to get to you, then you'll learn how to deal with the emotions that he's causing. i hope this advice helps.

Best of Luck to ya,
Kimmy J. Smith

HI!!!! i want to let you know that i had this problem......and its not fun!!!....except the abuse that my dad did was emotional, physical, and sexual......and i had to deal with that.....my dad made my sister have sex with him...he would've done it to me once i got old enough.....but my mom finally left him and got a divorce but im still hurting......i dont think you'll really ever FULLY recover from it....it'll always be in the back of your mind......i was 11 when my parents separated...i am 16 now.......and it still hurts...it hurts knowing that i dont have a father like everyone else does......ill never know wat its like to have a real dad.....thats something i missed out on but i think God makes us go through things for a purpose.....so maybe he wants you to go through this so u can help people.......but i think that kimmy smith is right.....dont let him bother you!.......you almost need to ignore it....i think he knows wat hes doing so i dont think you should go talk to him......cuz people that do that stuff really do know wat they're doing they just dont care!....i think if you talk to anybody you need to talk to your mom and talk to her about it..........but if you ever need to talk if you have msn add me...sjewell_2008@hotmail.com.......or just email me ok! cuz ill be here for ya! you will get through this!

yeah, my mom had been saying she was going to divorce my dad pretty much since I can remember until finally making it official on my birthday.

from what I've gathered, dads, in general, are not particularly popular. moms on the otherhand, moms are darlings.

I was unsure whether to post this or not, but I'm glad I did. Thank you all so much for your advice. It's greatly appreciated. x

wow your dad sounds like a complete asshole, i give you permission to hate him but of course, that is up to you. i am really sorry you have been treated so badly by your family, but keep in mind most men are not like your dad at all. there really are gentlemen out there that will give you the respect and love you deserve, so do not be afraid to fall in love with the right guy.

i come from an abusive family.its all over now that we left my stepdad.but its horrible living w/all the aftermath.my mom is always stressed out being a single parent.she does some of the same things your dad does.she took away my cds..saying they were bad for my soul.but they actually help me more than anything.i kno how it goes to dislike men.everytime i get close in a relationship i break up.i'm afraid of getting hurt.just keep thinking of the future and always keep hope in your heart.
-lexie

Start earning money so you can move out sooner, or stay with a friend. Have you told anybody, like your friends, what happened? Or

Stand up for yourself, next time he tries to do something, smile and say, "I was waiting for that, thank you, now I can go and do something else" Act like none of it bothers you, that he's actually helping you