this is a tough one..

i met this guy. hes perfect. hes funny sweet cute and just overall amazing. i talked to him for awhile and then found out that he dated my best friend last year. hes told me a thousand times that hes over her but she still tells me that she still misses him and still wants him.

after i found out that they dated him and i started talking more without her knowing and then we decided to tell her. she said she didnt care as long as i didnt date him and i didnt like him. and that was fine for awhile becuase he didnt want a girlfriend and i didnt like him as anything more as a friend. however, i talked to him the other night and we both realized that we like each other. but i cant date him because it would hurt my friend.

so i dont know what to do. i really like him... but its friends first right???

It is friends first. Always has been, always will be. You should tell her and confront her with getting over it. Obviously he's over her, but whether you like him or not it's within her best interest she gets over him. It isn't nice of one friend to hold another back for whats good for them. If you really really like this guy, and you find him that great that you go out with him without trying to help your friend out, how good of friends were you in the first place?

Don't use sayings and rules for replacements of how you actually feel.

Think about it. What do you want? If you want to maintain your friendship with this girl, and if it is not a strong enough friendship to last over a guy, then don't date him. If you want the guy, who you might end up breaking up with later, despite losing your friend in the process, then go ahead.

I personally think that your friend needs to let go. If she was being a more considerate friend, she'd realize that both of you being happy would be beneficial to her. I'd talk to her about your feelings, and say that if she doesn't want you two to date you won't date him, but that you like him and that you're sorry about it. If she can still look at you in the face and tell you that she doesn't want you happy, well, that's another issue for you to deal with.

This is very tough, but i was in this situation, only my ex and his friend are the ones with the similar situation. Ofcourse friends are important and should be thought of first. I think yo should talk to her and tell her how you feel. All three of you should talk. Normally a friend wants you to be happy. I know that i've gone out with one of my friends ex and we aren't friends anymore. Then my other ex friend went out with him as well and we aren't very fond of one another. I can't really tell you what to do because this situation is tricky, but if all three of you talk and compromise, things might work out. Good luck.

i have talked to her about it a couple times. sometimes she will say please dont date him or like him or it would crush me... and then sometimes she says go ahead i'm over him, but she changes her mind every other day so i'm never quite sure how she would take it. but i dont know :( ...

the guy thinks shes taking it to far and thinks she needs to get over it...but we are waiting it out until we figure out what to do. my friend and this guy are still pretty good friends and the guy and i both know that if shes not cool with this we both lose her as a friend. but we both like each other so much... we just wish there was a way to get her to understand and move on.

This is hard to deal with..
I suggest that you try talking to her again, saying that if she really did still have feelings for him, then she should be happy for him and his decisions as long as he is happy.
And besides, since you're friends with her, she should know that the guy is in good hands.
OH and if she keeps changing her mind, consider telling her (NICELY!) that she's being kind of selfish and inconsiderate of both of your feelings.
It's nice of you to consider your friend first and that you're willing to wait till she's completely over him to start going out with him.

Good luck !