people are fighting to live and you are fighting to die

i felt like i jsut had to say something... i mean during my life i guess i just learned alot at a young age... and maybe some of you won't listen to me because of how young i am... but it doesn't make a differnce... i mean some of you are 16 a wishing to die... at least im 14 and I'm happy... i mean in some ways i think that makes me a little wiser... i 've been there too... but i felt i needed to say something to you guys...

my friends mom for 4 years was fighting cancer... she fought all thoughs years to survive for her family and her friends and herself... she wanted so much to live because she hadn't accomplished all these things and all she wanted was just to be with her kids every day and wake up in the morning and jsut live a normal life... but with kimo and everything it really wasn't possible... they lived in europe and she had to leave her family all the time to come to the united states for treatment... and it was jsut the hardest thing i have ever seen anyone go through.. and she was the nicest women i've ever met... she died this past year in the spring... my friend called me that day... and we were crying over the fone because all she wanted was to see her mom again... all she wanted was to be with her and erase everything... she just kept saying " she was only 30... she was only 30!" and i had no idea how to help her... lily... (her daughter and my friend) was hospitalized... for reason I'm still not sure of... she's on all these medications that she doesn't want to take... she cuts herself... and I'm pretty sure has been suicidle... and at the hieght of 5'5 only weighs 80 lbs... and she is my best friend in the world....

a death can cause a chain reaction...

this women faught with years of her life to survive for her family... and some of you are fighting with years of your life to die for yourself...

and maybe life sux

but I don't think you really thinking of the chain reaction....

don't fight to die... fight to live...

because you stuck here... you not leaving... you can move... you can fly off the another country... but mayeb then your jsut running...

don't fight to die... fight to live

I don't want my friends to Die either, but if they want to it's not like my opinion on it can change anything. it's not enough to say "don't do it". there needs to be a reason or else nobody will care or feel like they need to live. you need to prove you truly care. also, this all happened to your friend. try to see things through her eyes. the reasons for everything are different depending on the person. i can't really explain it and I'm not justifying nor promoting suicide in any way. nobody should Die like that - out of pure sorrow. the teenage mind is easily drawn to these things. being happy is not a bad thing, but realize it is much easier to want to live then to want nothing more then to Die. although some think about suicide and the fact that everyone says depression is a stage and they will never kill themselves are wrong. my friends are cutting and one killed himself. it affects me as much as everyone else, it does'nt make me want to Die any more then it should have. Nobody is fighting to Die. Everyone wants to live in the begining. sometimes, though, it seems a better choice to Die. it's hard to put all my feelings into this post, but hopefully you will understand.

as much as im unhappy i think you raised a great subject!

many points i agree with....think when people are in that kind of state they dont think of the repocutions, anddo it spur of the moment thing.

but we should all stop and think, we might make sence of it all if we do.

october xx

um so... thanx so replying...

so every 15 minutes.. i realy do relate with my friend an amazing amount.. and i always go from her point of view... i've been hospitalized before i used to be a huge cutter.. worse than her.. never annerexic but my sister is so.. u no....

we understand each other and really relate... her dad says im the only person she'll talk to about wuts going on...

so i think i've been helping her...

yah october i agree... the reason i never ended up not killing myself was because of the repercussions... i didn't want to hurt my family because those were the people i was cloest with at the time...

tho i can understand how desperet people get... i 've been there... i have tho's friends still

but honestly get help... because in the end you'll really have something.. trust me

I mean i almost have a book published now... i've raised all this money for hurricane katrina with a big concert my band had.... ( our first) woo hoo!!!

and all this other stuff...

and its only a year later...

like you don't realize what life really is until you experience it... so don't say no to it until you give it a try...

cuz i no i've never lived like this before in my life..

~love to all~

~peace~

sorry i always say YOU in my sentences i don't spicifically mean YOU its jsut the way it comes out... sorry bout that

very inspirational, I'm sorry to hera that thought, but i think this well put alot into perspective for some people.

You bring up a point that I have thought of a lot and have told to many people. There were a few years in my life that I did anything to die, and it is really a miracle that I am still alive and now I see all the things I can do. I can't change all the crap in the world, but dying won't help that. Living is the chance to make a difference in the world. No matter what happened to you that makes you want to die, if you live you can try to help others through it and show them there are reasons to keep fighting. That is my motive to keep living. I screwed over my life, so now I dedicate each day I live for repentance of what I have done, to make up for the pain I've caused by saving others from it. Nice topic.

-Tainted

You are right. Obey your natural instinct to survive.

thanx guys for posting and reading and listening... if i post something like this again... i think i'll change the title so it'll atract more people going through a lot of troubles rite now... rather than in the past... because i wanna help people in the present... but thanx bunches...

plus... its much easier to help people in person rather than over the enternet... sometimes i jsut post this stuff... to brighten up this area of the forums...

~peace~ and thanx

i didn't mean to post it in a pathetic way... because talking people down doesn't help much... but i understand why people view it as that as well... just i don't because i watch my friends go through it... and my family... and in the past myself... so idk... just giving a helping hand...

idk... but... thanx...

~peace~

i know you didn't mean it that way anyway... just i no wen i was in that bad place in the past i wouldve taken it the wrong way...

~peace~

True very good post.
But I understand what Angelina is saying and in some it's true, I know a girl that tried to kill herself because her boyfriend was fighting with her ex.
And I'm sure some of you have good reasons as why you want your life to end but some people really make a big deal out of nothing!

When i feel depressed over a silly situation, i think about a very good friend of mine and what she went through and i realize i'm being stupid, this is the story:

Last year July 27th at about 9pm a man whom she knew that was her mothers business partner shot and killed her mother, father and sister- her only family in this country. She was shot about 13 times, her sister 9 and mom and dad 4 each! She survived amazingly- she only had a 15% chance of survival. She knew her family was dead when she was in ICU, BUT SHE FOUGHT TO SURVIVE! Why? Because as she tells me now that yes she misses them with everything she has and wants them back she cant, she knows they'd want her to make the most of her life! She told me she lives for them and they live through her. Never once did she complain how unfair life is, never once did she wish to die, SHE WISHED TO LIVE!

So seriosly for all of you that want to kill yourself because of some silly break up GET OVER IT, this is a 17 year old girl (16 at the time) Who witnessed her mother fatehr and 14 year old sister shot repeatedly shot in front of her, she had to have surgery and lives with scars all over her body and they are no doubt reminders, a girl who has to live with family friends and more importantly SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO LIVE!

"sometimes depression is controllable, sometimes you need drugs to HELP you control depression and sometimes nothing works, sometimes depression is the only thing you know and suicidal thoughts and self harm and eating disorders come along with that. its sad and pathetic but its true, and although i believe totally in what you say, you need to look at it from the other side."

^^ Wow, I've heard loads of crap on these forums, but this has to top it. I'm sorry, but I'm not the kind of person to argue like this, and say something offensive, but I totally disagree with what you are saying.

Mental illness, controlling people. Right, guess what? The theory of "people only use 10% of their brain" well, that's not really the right way of wording it. It's more "People only uses 10% of their brain's ability, the other 90% is wasted because people don't use their brains to think".
Mental illnesses are formed because people's brains are so powerful, you 'think' you have a problem. And those pills that 'calm' you down, they don't work. You just 'think' they work. You cannot assess the mental part of an individual, because we don't know how you think, or what you think.

Those thoughts people have, are controllable. They just don't have the high self-esteem to beat it. They start thinking negative things, and start believe it more. It has nothing to do with mental illnesses. That's just a load of crap. We create our own demise.

Manic depression and Schizophrenia are a result of the brain getting old, and having problems thinking. It's not an illness, it's nature's way of saying, 'you're getting old'. It's as natural as the leave turning red, orange or yellow in fall.

When you get old, you brain gets old, it gets tired, and it's hard to think properly, that is why these things happen, it's not an illness.

darien... some people are born with schitzofrenia... and I've met 15 yr olds with it... but you can tell me more about it... you sound like you no stuff... so idk i could be totally wrong or i could be.... don't no... i think i'll research it because stuff like that interests me... then again i hate lableing people... especially after being labeled as bipolar...

second of all... to the person who posted about her friend who fought to survive after her family members dieing... i thought that was a brilliant story and very uplifting... i mean i no it doesn't help to tell people to stay positive... but thats wut you ahve to do...

to the person who posted that depression is all people no... i think it was darien again... i mean that was all i knew... for awhile... don't stay so close minded in this situation.. you no?? like... i thought that was all i knew... and all i'd ever no... but i've grown so much... and idk... one day you'll relize it's not it... it's a fact that for every one depression is only temporary... but remember that suicide is permenent... sorry if i've sed that b4... a woman who i admire very much told me that... and its stuck with me... and helped me thro alot

Taylor... don't worry i totally get it... some people really are pretty rediculous about suicide... i don't mean to be mean to thoughs people... because you no... we don't really no there whole story... and I'm sure you didn't either... it's jsut the way they all come across in the forums... is jsut like... if your gonna complain abut something so silly its jsut ridiculous... yah it's like now that I'm thinking of it... if you kill yourself over getting dumped your jsut really imature... cuz like 1,000 of people get dumped every day adn that one person... jsut over reacted to much you no....

you no we don't no everyone's individual stories so the forums i disagree with i jsut stay out of

~peace~

~love to all~

~hope this helped somebody~

(sorry it posted twice... so i back spaced...)

~peace~

Darien, you're obviously in a high-point in your life, because you sound just a little Tom Cruise-concieted.

Fighting to die..? What is that? Nobody fights to die. It just happens. to everybody.

Anyway, I don't fight at all. to live or to die. I don't fight. I don't have to. Okay, now I sound concieted. but, being a workaholic, control-freak, and 'fighting to live,' I think that kills you. stress kills you.

to the post above... i think darien got that stuff from me so don't blame him...

all the stuff i wrote... i got from my own experiences... so don't say no one goes threw it... at a point in my life i was "fighting to die"

and i don't think anyone on this post is frequently suicidle... so we don't really have anyone from that point of views, point of view.... so don't judge so quickly...

you can think of fighting to die however you want it to be... physical, emotional... w.e

but wut i consider it be... is... if your laying in ur bed at nite... praying to god to die because you hate this house... or even just question y the hell am i here... because i no people do... or if you cut yourself... or harm yourself in anyway

yes you may not be fighting with anyone else...

but your fighting with yourself

Wise words. Um. I don't know. I've been through those experiences you call 'fighting to die' and I know people who have, and that's what other people always said. "You're killing yourself." "You're fighting to die." call it "escapism." but, I didn't. I was scared to death that I was going to die. (going in for extreme surgery, long story). I was living like I was going to die, but I was fighting to live. and I agree with Saint. that's no way to live. as I matured, a little, I have sometimes gotten into low points...questioning...like you said above. and that would often lead to a spiral of 'why should I be alive?' the longer the pause between answers, the greater the cause for worry. most of the time those answers only came out like rationalisations.

There's a great poem on here by Violaxcore, I don't know if it's still here. He might've gotten banned, called "This is Not Dystrophy, but Desire" anyway, a part of it goes, "Never live like you will die tomorrow / Never live like you will live forever / Live for dreams / Live for life / Your pace sets the beat for your score / Your passions set the notes for each page" and whatever you think of him personally, in this sense, I think he's right.

You can't live on the fight alone. There's so much more worth living for.

~Beautiful~... the words you have spoken truely are beautiful...

I'm amazed at all the stories I've heard...

You guys have truely inspired me... and tought me alot...

please keep this thread going...

You all amaze me

~love goes out to all~

Very inspirational!

This is an interesting topic. I spose people who have been through destructive chain reactions like that understand you more than i do. but i definatly agree. Life can and definatly will get you down. But theres so many people in this life that make it worth living.. even if you havent found that yet.
God Bless all of you,
Riana

Grace... I love the quote you put... when i was really depressed thats wut i thought to get me through it... TO me I'm nothing... But to someone else I'm everything... So if i don't wanna live for me... at least live for them...

Thanx for posting

~peace~

ya i get why you wrote that i don't get why people want to do but mostpeople i know want to die because they get tired of fighting the pain and they get hurt and thats the only way they can handle it. e-mail me at hottiewilliams@hotmail.com

But IT's not the Only way they can handle it, It's what They Think it's the only way to handle it. There's a difference between the Truth and what They've convinced themself to believe.

Death... i lost someone dear to me and finding out about it broke my heart. it was the hardest thing i had to face was that my girlfriend hung herself. i cried and cried cursing to myself and cursing at god for not helping her. i know that if i could have helped a little more that maybe she would be alive. she was sweet and well liked by all that new her. i admired her and i loved her.
She left us all without warning and broke us all. She cried for days and today i still cry when i think about her. death sometimes is only natural but sometimes some of us dont think straight enough to relize people out there really do care for them. I was suicidal since i was 12 and recently got over it after i met her but once she was gone those thoughts came back. i have her name tattoo'd on my wrist so i will never forget her. She was my girlfriend and i loved her.

Death is not always simple... nor is life.. we must all go through obstacles to regain our senses after a loved one dies. Espicially a person so close to their heart. They will go through hard times and soon be able to accept it but no matter what i will always hurt knowing they are gone. (sorry for blabbering)

but one way or another we must all try to look to the future and see the path ahead of us. yes i may only be 17 and a senior in high but i dont care. i've seen so much death around me its not suprising. but The path ahead can be bright and long or short and sad. We MUST try and help those who have problems and NOT criticize them. it will only make them worse.
Sure you can say "Get over it, its just the teenage mind" but for many its something more. something deep down that they wont talk to others about. SO DONT YOU DARE CRITICIZE THOSE WITH PROBLEMS. i've gone through my thoughts with suicide and relized i could make something better of my self if i just tried to put them to the side and ignore the things that troubled me. and i'm still alive today to know that death isn't the only way out and that we can make a new day tomorrow by just opening our minds alittle more and letting people in. i did.. try seeing the future you can make and see what you can do for this generation.

u guys need 2 get out of ur rich, preppy perfect lil worlds & wake up 2 reality!!!!! i have a question 4 u here then, how r u supposed 2 get over sumthin u cant even control? i have "suicidal black outs" where i lose all control of my body and have no idea whats goin on til i 'wake up' & c the cuts & bruises on my entire body!!! plus u say that they need to get over it, try gettin over urself b4 u write that crap! tell me sumthin, ur home is supposed 2 b the 1 place b4 all others ur safe right...? well tell me how ur supposed to get over this.
at school u get the crap beaten out of u 4 only GOD knos what reason, u wear long sleves all the time and wont take off ur shirt so ppl wont c what happens 2 u on a daily basis & then u go home 2 a good 4 nothin dead beat "dad" who does the same crap??!!!! now tell me, how can u get over sumthin u cant escape, sumthin thats around u 24/7??????!!!!! so until uv been through sumthin so bad DONT EVEN try 2 say get over it!!!
now imagine ur closest friend dyin N UR ARMS!!!!!! this 1s from asthma but how r u suppsoed to get over that? &how r u supposed 2 get over a suicide happenin that u could of stopped?!! u guys have no idea what ur talkin bout so id advise the majority of u 2 SHUT UP!!!!!!

Sometimes i feel as though this site is just an opportunity to enter the competition - who has had the worst time, who can be the most depressed, who has been the closest to death etc etc. some people need to understand that it is not something to be proud about, not something to brag about. if ou feel the need to discuss it then try to do so in a less agressive manner. Try to get over it without forcing it down other peoples throats please.

~Dream like you live forever, live like you will die tomorrow~

i know what you mean cleo. it is understandable, but i just come here to try and get people to understand different perspectives of life. we've all had it rough one way or another but we all get over it eventually and we move on. some time in further years we will look back on this time and laugh. but other then that we are all just a little mentally unstable is were thinking suicide and yes i must sympathize with most here because we all loose loved ones in the end. but nothing is more painful then a relative.

"God save us all from our many thoughts of death and save those who have actually with through with suicide to escape this world that has sometimes been too cruel.Please guide their lost souls to the paradise that awaits us all and give them salvation. Amen"

"It pierces it my heart knowing that they are gone and their faces will soon blur in my memory.That their voice will disappear from me and i will cry at night wishing to see and hear them again or to see them. i await that day i will see the one i love and those i care about deeply." - by my.. (the revised is in my quotes)

Pathetic is not quite the word most are looking for or for itto be heard by them. you can hurt people deeply with such a word... please be careful by what you say.

Okay, I admit that I didn't read all the posts, but I did read most of the first half, and I am glad that some of you had the iniciative to post this. It's a good topic and I think we can all learn a lot from it.
One thing that keeps coming back to me is a line from a book I read a while ago.
"Remember Depression can't kill you, it can't even hurt you"
This is true. It can cause you to kill yourself/ hurt yourself, but the illness itself can't. This was written by someone who had to go through it and came out the other side. I think sometimes people going through depression and suicidal thoughts can sometimes forget this. It can only hurt you if you let it and in so doing you let it hurt everyone else.
Yah, feel free to ignore the randomness...

RIGHT ON VIOLET RAVEN!!! ^_^

Heh...thanks. ^-^

you have very much inspired me with your story..

october xx

Exuse me... Ms.understood... um, i don't no who directly sed "Get over it" i no i didn't... and i didn't post this to have any one say that... SO if you yelling at me... Don't tell me i don't no what your talking about... Death... My whole thing up there was about death... Go ahead say It was my FRIENDS mom... She was my second mom... I love her more than anything... I cut... Yah i don't have thoughs black outs... But everytime i have to change in gym i hide...

And this is me becoming stronger... And trying to help... And you can scream and act like your the only one with problems.. But this whole post is with people that have grown From problems that you still have... And one day you'll be on one of these posts... When your finally happy... And you'll be trying to help others as well...

By the way i went through what your going through rite now... Complete anger... And misunderstanding everything everyone says... I'm sure you here that alot don't you? Cuz i no i did.... ANd i no i got really mad at it... So I'm sure you'll get mad at me for saying it.. But deep down you no this post wasn't for the bad...

I ment it to be good... I wanted to help someone...

I want to help my friend... The friend in the post uptop... Whose mother died... I wanna save her... I wanna save you... I wanna save suji... I wanna save katie... I wanna save katheren... i wanna save too many to name.

By the way... What doesn't kill You only makes you stronger..

And when you get past this... You'll be the strongest person in the world... And your class mates will love you...And maybe your dad will still be a fukin asshole... But he'll probably be far away by then.. .Because I doubt you'll be ok with him next too you

I suggest calling someone about him...

I suggest not to be satisfied with you life being this way... I don't no if your getting help... And saying "no" to help... You might think that that makes you stronger... Or you might think help is stupid.. .A therapist is dumb... But saying no to it is... is just saying your ok with your life the way it is rite now... Your satisfied... and you don't want it to change...

And i suggest makeing a change... You DESERVE a change... BEcause everyone deserve to be happy

Because i know how it is for life to suk... I no how it is to not even see whats infron of you anymore...

But i can see now... and i want you too too

P.S. sorry if bits and peaces of this sounded alittle rude or angry... i hope the end fixed it... I've learned over time... That if you or anyone has a rite to get angry at me... than i have a rite to get angry back... and from hearing from you... That might help...

I had problems with my brother... he had all these anger issues... and i learned not to yell at him... but i also learned that it was ok to get mad... It was ok to cry... Because he did do... If he calls me a bitch than why can't I?... Your dad seems like a real asshole... and i no he wouldn't go for you saying that to him... .But no that when your older... and when your stronger... when he's locked up... or when he's far away... It's ok... To be mad...

i hope you alright... And i wish the best to you

email me...

motor_mouth1991@yahoo.com

Correction- i did cut

Oh and thank you October Life guard : )

I love to make people happy : ) or inspired

Oh and thanx everyone for posting... It makes me feel good that everyones so into this... I'm still confusing about Ms.understood... But hopefully she'll email me...

THanx so much

~Lets take the moon and make it shine for everyone~

Oh... Byt the way... ( sorry i keep posting)

My friend who i said was 5'5' and weighed 80lbs...

Now weighs 110!!! : )... I'm so happy.

hehe 30 more lbs

It's just cuz she loves M&M's... How long can you resist thos? hehe i love her.

oh wait... October i realized that might have not been ment for me.. hehe sorry..

Violet Raven... I lvoed what you wrote... Your very... wise.... I'm gonna read some of your poems...