Meaningful Lyrics Results.

RESULTS

----------------------------------------------------
4] I'm Okay [Song] §¤Brianna¤§
----------------------------------------------------
I liked this poem alot. In three verses you expressed three different things. Which was good.
In the first verse, You say, "I almost lost my sister" And I thought you could go deeper than you did.
Try and explain how you almost lost her. How did it make you feel? The last two lines in verse 2 seemed a little rocky. Maybe change the 3rd line to, "I hear them yell and scream" Because I don't think you would want to watch parents fight. You would want to get away from that. Third verse was good too, Though again I thought you could have explained what you had to lie about. That left me a little puzzled. I liked the chorus the most, It stood out alot more. Even though a chorus should. But since your verses were pretty short, I thought the chorus could have atleast been a little more deeper.
----------------------------------------------------
[Slipped Away] PygmyPuff
----------------------------------------------------
This was a very sad song. And when a time comes in losing someone, This would be a great song to listen to! I did like the way you opened up the song, Although sunglasses wouldn't hide tear stained cheeks. Sunglasses go over our eyes. The refrain was quite good. Except 'Out of life' That part just didn't click for me. Verse 2 was also great. "Guys pretend they just don't care' That line didn't seem to go with the rest of the verse. Verse 3 seemed a bit different to all the other verses. But I liked this verse the most. Cause, Though you had a few short words. They were powerfull words, And when sung they would probably give me chills. Especially this line "Pain within, So deep it hurts" Very nice!! The chorus was GREAT! Though the first line was 9 syllables, and then your second one was 7, third and fourth were 6. I think try and make the top and bottom lines 8 syllables, and the middle too 7. So maybe it might go like this:
"Your time on earth was spent so short,
So quickly you slipped away.
You're out of reach, Out of grasp,
But in our hearts you'll always stay."
----------------------------------------------------
#12 Pictures in The Mirror ..~*ForbiddenEyes*~(Noni)
----------------------------------------------------
I thought this was a great song. I really really liked the chorus. Had this whole fairytale/dreamy feeling to it. Your verses were pretty good. I honestly don't think there should be anything changed in this. I can't even pick a favorite part. I loved it all!! You've done great on this!
----------------------------------------------------
Undiscovered ..Kaylee
----------------------------------------------------
Kaylee, This blew me away! The only thing I can sugest. Is maybe writing less verses, or.. making the verses shorter. Cause your chorus is pretty long. and so are the verses. I really liked it. I think it would make a great song. Like I said with Noni's song. I can't pick a favorite part. I loved the whole song. You did a really great job on this. I loved it from the minute I read it!
----------------------------------------------------
Can you hear me - moonriver
----------------------------------------------------
The meaning and wording was good. But these were not lyrics. I've looked over it a few times. And I've noticed the way you set it out. You went.. verse 1, verse 2, verse 3, and then the chorus. And, In every stanza it ended with "Can you hear me, My dear?" You've just written a normal poem, but added the verses and chorus name above some stanza's. It was the total opposite from what I'm looking for, As a poem it would have been fantastic. It was great. But sorry, Not as lyrics.
----------------------------------------------------
You Set Me Free - HeartzOnIce
----------------------------------------------------
This wasn't a song. Wasn't what I was looking for. Though as a poem it would have been great. It wasn't lyrics.
----------------------------------------------------
Move Along - *colorsofmylife*
----------------------------------------------------
the memories are impossible to earase
[That line should have 'erase' instead of 'earase']
I thought this was a bit of an insperational song. But then I came across this line "and nobody ever makes it out alive" That didn't fit the song I don't think. It was good. But.. It just wasn't -mind blowing- The flow wasn't that good. But then again, it could have sounded great with music. I don't know. Keep writing though. =)
----------------------------------------------------
#19
Out of the Blue - Sean Allen
----------------------------------------------------
Sean, Sean, Sean. You, lovepoemoholic, you. This was a GREAT song. Considering someone plagerised it haha. Yeah. You surprised me with this song. I didn't actually think you would enter. And, you did. And, it was great. The chorus was awesome. Defiantly something that would get stuck in my head for days. It was a great song. I'm lost for words lol. I loved the second verse. Or whatever. Wasn't sure what it was cause you didn't name them. But I still loved it. I could actually sing this to myself. And I liked the sound of it lol. Keep it up muh lovepoemoholic. =)
----------------------------------------------------
WINNERS
----------------------------------------------------
1st --> 8 Comments/rates

Goes to Kaylee. For Undiscovered.

2nd --> 7 Comments/rates

Goes to Sean Allen. For Out Of The Blue.

3rd --> 5 Comments/rates

Goes to ~*ForbiddenEyes*~(Noni). For Pictures In The Mirror.

4th --> 3 Comments/rates

Goes to PygmyPuff. For Slipped Away.

---------------------------------------------------

Prizes will be given out shortly. woo! Lol.

Thank yOu!

Hey my Sister Got 4th,, Crazy. she didnt do bad.. lol.

xLaurenx