*Daddy's Girl*(My past is blocking me from my future)

**Srry so long this was just sum10 i needed to get of my chest. rather you read it or not I feel a little better because some1 is hearing me without me having to speak vocaly. I left a lot of stuff out so it may b confusing jus comment and I'll fill u in**

My dad was killed a couple of years ago in front of my 2 little brothers and i lost my mind. Da story of how he was killed is so screwed up dat i dnt knw how it happened. My mom has always been there for me and my brothers, but i keep shutting my family out on a lot of things and now i'm starting to really feel bad and regret it because all i can think of is ," How can i b so selfish when my brother needs me"( They are the closest things to my heart. My stepmom is a real B***H . She did my family so wrong.The last time i heard from her or seen my little brothers was at my dads funeral. She told my mom my dad didn't leave us n e thing which is a lie. I have so many emotions that are trapped inside me dat i can't control. I never tell his story to anyone because I get real emotional and get ready to cry but since I blink my tears back I get real angry 4 no reason. The thing that burns me up the most is that the police haven't done n e thing it seems like because it's like another BLACK ON BLACK CRIME n my dad wasn't in n e type of mess or was that type of person. Well my mom just got married and my stepdad is willing to do whatever it takes to make our life better but it's hard to call him dad and welcome him in when i'm still not over my real dad. It's hard to love some1 else or even let them in my heart because i feel they'll leave me.I feel so horrible and selfish.

You'll never completely let go of your dad, as he'll always be a part of you. And you don't need to. Remember a heart is as big as you want it to be, and you can let as many or little people as you want in to it. You're dad will always mean so much more to you than your stepdad, and he'll understand that, so it's fine.

Don't feel selfish. You're grieving, it's normal, and your family will understand that. But remember, if you turn to them, tell them you miss your dad, you can all give each other the love and support you need. It may be hard, but you need your family so much right now. Tell your mum you miss your dad. Maybe talk about all the good things about him. It'll help you.

Are you little brothers half-brothers? Is their mum your stepmom? If so, I suggest you phone her, tell her you miss your dad, and you want to keep the rest of the family together - and just ask to see your brothers. You all need each other, and no matter how horrid she might be, I'm sure she'll understand that.

Take things slowly, and I hope life gets easier for you soon.

Thx a lot that really helped. I have 3 brothers the oldest one (still younger than me) is my full brother. The younger 2, we just share dads but the last one wasnt born until the next month after my dad died, so all I've seen are pictures of him. The #'s that she gave us are disconnected and when we did talk to them my brother kept asking us where our dad was and i really couldnt explain it because he was so young (2 yrs. old)